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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Pregnancy, dh and feeling like crap.

8 replies

Apparentlychilled · 26/12/2013 18:10

I'm feeling so hacked off this evening. Please talk some sense into me, lovely ladies.

Im 35 weeks pg and have 2 dc (dd of 5 and ds of 2). I slept badly last night (as usual) but at least it meant it was easy to get up at 5.45 when ds woke up. I tried to get him to play in his room with some milk, but no dice. So by the time dh and dd woke about 7.30, porridge was made for all, tea made (and keeping warm in termal mug) for dh, me and ds fed, kitchen was tidy and I'd started to find homes for Christmas toys (we were due a clear out. Next yr must do it BEFORE Xmas...). I know that makes me sound like a total martyr but I figured I'd crash at some point so I'd best take advantage of having some energy.

Anyhow, ds fell asleep after lunch but I still felt ok so I did some jobs (messing w paint samples, as decorator is starting in new year). Dh announced that he felt awful w head cold and went to bed for 90 mins. After they both woke up, we went out. Dh was good, to be fair to him, and let me sit while he ran after dc (it was a steam train ride, so at the end of the route, they all got off for 5 mins while I closed my eyes). I fell asleep in car on way home but kids were squabbling so didn't sleep heavily or for more than 10 mins. Got home, had cuppa by myself for 10 mins while he played w dc. I made their tea, which he supervised while I tidied kitchen. I then ran bath, which he's now supervising.

I kind of feel like why the hell can't I get into bed?!! Why cant he realise that i need some tlc? My other dc arrived early so we need to expect the baby from next week. I feel like shit. I'm knackered and have rotten indigestion. He's so busy being ill w head cold he doest seem to notice that i feel awful. Why the chuff can't he just keep things going (tidy kitchen, put away toys, put out bins etc) without specific instructions? I feel like if I go to bed, I'll get up and it'll be a shit tip again, which stresses me out.

I'm being unreasonable, aren't I?

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schokolade · 26/12/2013 18:22

Does he know you feel bad? I would just announce that you're going to bed, like he did.

I wouldn't mind if my DH felt terrible and said he was going to bed. In fact, I'd be annoyed if I found out at some later point that he'd struggled on, expecting me to mind read!

schokolade · 26/12/2013 18:25

Sorry, pressed post too early!

The most important thing right now is the health of you and your baby. Stuff it if the kitchen ends up in a mess. Right now it's not your problem/priority.

I know it's easy to say, but speaking as 36 weeks pregnant myself, you really should just go to bed and try not worry about anything as trivial as housework Smile

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 26/12/2013 18:37

I'm only six weeks but struggling wuth nausea. I've just announced to dh that I'm off to bed (leaving him to sort out ds). Please do the same. It sounds like you need it.

Apparentlychilled · 26/12/2013 19:01

I think one of the problems is that I HATE admitting I need to put myself 1st and my default position is to put others/housework 1st. God, that makes me sound like an awful martyr, doesn't it?!!! I think in reality, I just have unreasonable (and unrealistic) expectations of myself and others and feel really hacked off when I can't meet them (and then also hacked off that others haven't noticed I'm struggling).

You're both right- thank you. He did asking I was getting his cold and I said I just feel shit, so I've been dispatched to bed while he does bedtime and makes dinner.

And I wonder how I ended up w pnd twice w these massively unrealistic (and un-self-caring) attitudes...!

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ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 26/12/2013 21:16

Can you twist your mindset round? Rather than seeing it as putting yourself first, can you see it as putting the new baby first?

Hope you're getting some rest now.

Apparentlychilled · 27/12/2013 04:15

Thanks AThing. You know, that had never occurred to me! Will give it a go. Am also going to be super clear and put down some boundaries re rest/jobs over next few days.

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schokolade · 27/12/2013 08:01

well done Apparentlychilled! V hard to see these sorts of things and turn them around.

Hope you're feeling a lot better today. All the best Smile

Apparentlychilled · 27/12/2013 17:50

Thanks schokolade. I hope your pregnancy is going ok, and that you're doing a bit better than me at taking it easy!

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