Normal?

[dadtobe23]

Hello all,

I would like to hear form women as well as men to get both sides of the coin.

My OH is about 4 weeks on and has started to get a bit withdrawn, giving one word answers and generally conversation isn't flowing like it used to and it's starting to get to me. We have only been with each other for about 2 months, and yes I know that is extremely soon to be having a baby, it was not planned but we are going ahead anyway.

When she flies off on one I understand it's the probably the hormones or she is still in shock/scared because this is a big change to her life, this is hers and my first child, so I sweep it under the carpet and carry on. If I go off on one I'm made to feel like the biggest arse on the planet, like I'm supposed to grovel to make things ok again and when I curb myself to avoid an argument, it's still taken as me going off on one.

If we argue it's always her feelings that have been hurt, like she thinks because I'm a "macho man" as she puts it, that I don't have any, even though I tell her I do.

Being honest, this is the first serious relationship I've had but I'm not about to be the whipping boy the the rest of my life. (maybe she feels the same?) Although I feel like she is the one and could happily see us together until we are old and grey, if we got this under control.

Is any of this normal?(what is normal to be fair, but...) Constructive criticism/advice/points of view would be appreciated. If you just reply to have a go, do one :)

I think it's all v normal. I suppose moods, reactions and how we express and interpret each others' emotions takes time to establish. You haven't had much time to get the hang of these things AND have the enormous emotional adjustment that a pregnancy brings - whether planned or not. This is a time that's hard for most people who've been together for a lot longer. Try to talk about your feelings if she's doubting that you have any. Also, consider that you are both likely to be feeling emotions intensely (pregnancy, fears around the future, your relationship, parental adjustments, etc.) but haven't yet the courage to be honest about these things for fear of exposing them or pushing the other person away. Time is a great thing. Try to establish an atmosphere where complete honesty, including doubts and fears are safe to share - it's all a stage. There's Relate (couples' counselling, too). When you've worked out his to perfect your relationship, please let me know as mines far from it. Don't know anyone's whose is! Lol
Having a sense of humour (with appropriate timing - not making a joke when she's upset) is a wonderful thing ;)