Worried about telling my OH I am preggers!!

[myusername111]

Ok I will try and make this brief...Me and my OH have been together for over 2 years. Dealt with a nightmare ex, sc loves me but has no routine and every weekend is a battle with bedtime and food. I don't mind at all its just a bit of back ground. We still don't live together for one reason and another. My job is on a temporary contract and he is going to have to take a pay cut in the new year. He has categorically stated he does not want anymore children partly because he felt he was railroaded last time but thats a different story.
I feel I really really want this baby even though the circumstances aren't great, but I am petrified of telling him!! He can get really shouty and moody and to be honest I think he is a bit depressed.
Although this baby wasn't planned I feel very blessed at my age (41) and guilty for all the lovely mummies out there who are trying.

Any advice on how to get my head straight and what and when do I say? x x

Can you tell him wth someone else present, as this sounds a bit dangerous to me? I don't think there is a 'good way' to tell someone something they don't want to hear, sorry...

Don't mean to be funny but if OH was adamant that he didn't want anymore children wouldn't it have been a good idea for him to use contraception?

Hope he comes round to the idea x

I second Tomkat except that it's a responsibility for you both - children or none should be a decision made together. However, clearly it's too late for that now and at least one of you is pleased - so congratulations to you! Could you call or text him to tell him so you can gauge his reaction when he's at a distance? Some might say it's cowardly, but if you're expecting a negative reaction and you don't want that, it might be sensible. Or can you have someone with you? Your best friend, perhaps?

You never know, he might be a lot happier than you think. I guess the idea of a child can be rather different from the reality - maybe he will feel different knowing that you're standing in front of him with his child inside you.

Best of luck - I hope it works out

Well that was my point when he was telling me the ex 'trapped' him. I am on the mini pill and have never missed one and carried on taking them up until a few days ago. Didn't miss missing a period as I am irregular. I have seriously thought about ending the relationship as do not want the hassle of the emotional roller coaster that is to come.

111 I hope it doesn't come to that. Surely there is trust between you and therefore if it's a genuine mistake he has to accept that. As rara says, you may be surprised at his reaction. This baby certainly sounds like a blessing for you.

If it doesn't work out and you separate then I'm sure you'll do just fine alone. Lots of support on these threads to help x

On top of some of the good advice on here about having someone with you when toy tell him, I'd suggest you prepare yourself for his reaction- he may say he does not want this baby. You need to be ready to accept he may not support you, and if you want this baby you may need to do it on your own. He may try and talk you out of it- but stand firm. I hope that he comes round/ is supportive and this isn't the case. Good luck

Thank you for all your responses :). just thought I would update. you all. The subject of babies came up over xmas with the family all debating not about us but about other people. He had his opinion and has stated quite clearly and loudly that he would not be happy at all if it was us having one. So I still haven't told him and for me there is no other option other than to keep the baby but I think I am going to have to go it alone. I will tell him at some point but his DC is his no1 priority over all his kids and I cannot see how our child could fit in. He struggles dividing his time and only seems to focus on next visit with DC . Sorry if its not making any sense but not being with him I can accept but him not treating the kids fairly I can't . Think with everything thats gone/going on I can't bring an innocent baby into a life with someone who is so one child focused.

best thing to do would be to end my relationship I believe as I want something he doesn't

I'm sorry you feel ending the relationship is the only way forward but you are putting your unborn child first and that's what all mothers should do. However, you never know, you may find that when you tell him about the pregnancy things turn out differently than you are anticipating and he may surprise you with excitement and enthusiasm. Until you actually tell him you can't know for sure what his reaction will be. But, like I said, it is really positive that you are prepared to go through this alone if need be, that way if he does react the way you think he will, you are already in a good frame of mind. The best of luck x

Thank you :) I have a great network of family and friends so I know I have loads of support. I will be sad if it is the end but I am prepared to do it alone if need be. I have seen his other children pushed to one side in favour of his youngest (reasons only known to him) and I couldn't bear to watch my child be less favoured iyswim? I think the silly games the ex was playing with access for 5 years has made him cherish every moment with the child but his life is all about having her more often and making sure that I don't say anything out of turn in front of anyone to upset her mum!! Not the best recipe to bring up a baby in I know but whats done is done and I think I am best to get myself a doctors appointment made as I am already 8 weeks I think.
Us not moving forward in our relationship is a bug bear for me and has been for some time so its not just the baby issue for me its other things.

I still haven't done it! Caught a sickness bug over the xmas hols so have been really unwell. He has noticed I am still feeling off it and I was hoping he would ask me if I was just to make it easier LOL but no. Anyway midwife appointment in a couple of weeks so suppose it will have to come out soon :(