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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

DTD during early pregnancy - what's safe and what do you do?

25 replies

isitnearlyteatime · 19/12/2013 12:02

Im just over 7 weeks and having had previous mcs am very wary about DTD with my DH in case its leads to bleeding or worse

Ive read its safe but because of my previous mcs I am very wary not to do anything to provoke bleeding etc Am worred because the DH wants to but I am just putting it off but can't do this for much longer

What is others experiences - is it safe and should I stop being a massive worry ball?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

HorraceTheOtter · 19/12/2013 12:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lizziekal · 19/12/2013 12:27

Yes, it's safe BUT like you I had had previous losses and so to be honest the first 10 days or so I was too busy freaking out and having bad cramps to be in the mood. After which I started bleeding at 6 and a half weeks, which has continued on and off throughout, and we have been on a sex ban ever since. I think it is entirely up to you and how you feel. My DH said from the very start that he would much rather go without than do it when I'm not in the mood x

EdithWeston · 19/12/2013 12:28

It's almost certainly safe.

But if you're worried, don't do it. I'm sure you and DH can find plenty of other things to do that will leave you both happy.

Original poster

isitnearlyteatime · 19/12/2013 12:32

thanks Horrace and Lizzie - the DH keeps asking most nights (sorry for TMI!) and I feel really horrible for saying no but am just too panicked about things going wrong to give in as I know I wouldnt be relaxed but he does say grumpily that he doesn't want to wait 9 months!!

not sure what to do but will try and divert it for the moment till Im a bit further along

OP posts:

JoinYourPlayfellows · 19/12/2013 12:34

What's wrong with him?

Just tell him you don't want to have sex at the moment and to stop asking.

EirikurNoromaour · 19/12/2013 12:35

I'm more worried that your husband keeps pressuring you for sex and you don't feel you can put him off. That's really not ok.

talulahbelle · 19/12/2013 12:39

Meh, we've DTD once since we found out. First too worried, then too sick, and really I can't be arsed.
DH hasn't mentioned it - which is as it should be!

Original poster

isitnearlyteatime · 19/12/2013 12:51

thanks all - I feel more reassured now not to feel like I have to give in - sometimes I have to state my opinion to him quite a few times before he realises how I feel but hes very kind and loving does it in a nice way its just I feel bad for saying no

I think maybe I need to sit down with him and just state again that for the present I would be happier not to to not risk anything but you can still be close to someone in other ways so hopefully he will understand - its a shame as he says he has read on the internet that its very safe in pg and that there shouldnt be an issue so that doesnt really help my cause!

OP posts:

JoinYourPlayfellows · 19/12/2013 12:54

Your "cause"?

Really, it's not normal or at all OK that you have to put arguments forth if you don't feel like having sex.

There is nothing kind or loving about making you feel like you have to give in and have sex you don't want.

Handsoff7 · 19/12/2013 13:06

There's no medical reason not to in early pregnancy. If you can try not to worry and get back to it.

Tiredness might limit how often you want to but taking sex completely off the table for a year (when you factor the weeks post birth) could be damaging for your marriage (for both of you).

If something was likely to cause miscarriage there'd be lots of advice against it and there is nothing on this.

There are enough things restricted when pregnant without adding others!

EirikurNoromaour · 19/12/2013 13:16

Handsoff
She doesn't want to. That's good enough reason.

aloysiusflyte · 19/12/2013 13:17

We haven't dtd since we conceived the baby (I am now 17 weeks) and after three episodes of bleeding and a mmc earlier this year I am really not happy to do it at the moment. As said upthread, I would be too worried to enjoy it.

My dh has been very understanding but I think he has found it most difficult when I was in the worst of the all day sickness and I didn't even want to be kissed let alone touched.

Thankfully I'm feeling better now but I really wouldn't have been happy to be pestered by him at a time I felt most ill and vulnerable. I would tell him, as I told my dh, sort yourself out and wait til I feel better. It's only a few weeks or months max, if he can't understand that I'd be concerned.

HaleyDunphy · 19/12/2013 13:24

I just told my H that I didn't want to for a while as I've been so nervous about something going wrong. I read sometimes it may trigger a little bleeding - nothing to do with baby, just some random blood that may be floating around up there! - and I don't need the stress of it. Conversation over!

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 19/12/2013 13:30

You never have to justify why you don't want sex. No is a complete sentence. If your husband continues to bully you then you have a bigger problem, and he isn't "putting it in a nice way" when he is making you feel shit.

Writerwannabe83 · 19/12/2013 13:45

I'm almost 26 weeks regnant and me and DH haven't had sex since I was 6 weeks pregnant. I had 3 episodes of early bleeding and since then I've been worried about sex possibly causing problems. My DH completely understands why I'm reluctant and has never asked me for it

MissMedusa · 19/12/2013 13:46

There are medical reasons to ban sex for some people. I'm on a complete ban due to incompetent cervix as orgasm can cause the uterus to contract and semen can be an infection risk. This is not the case for most people, obviously, but one can't make a blanket statement saying it won't do any harm at all.

Original poster

isitnearlyteatime · 19/12/2013 13:52

thanks all - Im going to have another chat with him as I certainly don't want to DTD at the moment and very much hope that he sees it from my point of view

I don't want him to feel unloved as I know this part of a relationship is important to him but the stress and worry from past mcs is just stopping me from wanting to and I hope that he will understand

OP posts:

Chocolatemolehill · 19/12/2013 14:02

I also have had two previous miscarriages and bleeding in this pregnancy (6-9 weeks). I was told I have subchorionic haematoma and we were advised not to have sex. Now (I'm 14 weeks) the old haematoma is gone but there is new dodgy looking area in the middle of the placenta. Could be another haematoma or something else. We were told gentle sex is ok but I'm still worried.

At the same time I'm desperate for some action! (My husband is a bit worried and has not mentioned it at all since the beginning of pregnancy). Does anybody know if it's ok to do other, non-penetrative stuff instead of a full intercourse? In other words - is it only the mechanical impact of penetration that poses danger or is it also the womb contractions after orgasm?

fay144 · 19/12/2013 14:03

Sorry to hear about your MCs. It must make things so much more worrying.

I had a tiny bit of spotting whenever we had sex in early pregnancy, so have completely stopped now. I realise that spotting isn't that unusual, but I have a rh negative blood type, so would need to go and get an injection if there was any bleeding at all, so don't want to risk it.

I've been finding it quite difficult tbh - I feel really close to DH at the moment, and once the baby is here, who knows how long it is going to take for me to heal, and for us to be able to spend time together in the same way we can now.

He isn't totally happy with the situation either, obviously, but would never dream of putting pressure on, or suggesting anything that would put us at any risk.

I'd nip you DH's comment about not wanting to wait "9 months" in the bud quickly, btw. Surely it could easily be 12 months min, by the time you recover? (hopefully not though!) You don't want him to accept the situation now, and then start hassling you again the week after you give birth, when it will be the last thing you need.

MightilyOats · 19/12/2013 16:05

I would just tell him to be patient for a few weeks - I haven't felt much like dtd in the first trimester in either this or my first pregnancy. Not because I was worried (this time at least), but just feel a bit meh or knackered most of the time.

When I got into the second trimester I was a lot more up for it

YouAreMyRain · 19/12/2013 16:23

Your DH should not be repeatedly asking, or making you feel bad for not wanting sex.

ToffeeOwnsTheSausage · 19/12/2013 16:40

There are other ways of showing love than having sex!

If he tries that bollocks he is in for a shock when the baby is here. My God you could be so tired you can barely brush your teeth never mind have sex with an annoying husband.

InTheBEEwitchedWinter · 19/12/2013 22:05

I'm around 17 weeks and we've dtd 2-3 times since I because pregnant. Most of the time I just don't feel up to it, I've also had several small bleeds - as my placenta is low, it's likely to get worse instead of better.

DH would never pressure me, which is as it should be - I do still enjoy the odd cuddle and making love without penetration, but I'd never feel happy about it if I wasn't in the mood or felt in any way forced.

LittleBearPad · 19/12/2013 22:09

Tell your DH to grow up. If you don't want to then its fine not to. It's safe but given your concerns about miscarriage you're fine to decide you don't want to.

Chocolatemolehill · 19/12/2013 22:32

I totally agree your husband should not be putting pressure on you and making you feel bad. Do you not feel in a sexual mood at all or is it mainly about being worried? Is there anything else you two could try instead of a full intercourse? (Touching, oral etc.) Of course only if you feel like it!

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