Friend doesn't understand my fears

[VJONES1985]

A colleague is 8 weeks pg with her second baby. She's a lot more laidback than me and just can't understand my concerns. She says my early scan is exciting and doesn't get why I'm nervous. I know she's right when she says I need to relax but all I focus on is the fact that things could go wrong without me even knowing it... I think it all seems too good to be true at the moment.

Anyway,I think she's getting fed up with me but I can't help it!!

Honestly, I think in this situation it's best to avoid the topic!

People have very different levels of anxiety during pregnancy, and she probably feels she is being helpful trying to get you to relax. Which you won't be able to, and will probably feel worse for being told to.

Don't talk to her about it then.

Keep your concerns for when you're talking to close family and friends you can be open with.... Or talk about them on here, is lots of other worried mums-to-be!

She isn't being wrong by being laidback, each to their own.

No, I wish I could be as relaxed as her anyway! Will try to save my frequent freak outs for here!!

I think it's fine for you to have your own concerns but maybe your friend feels that at the same time you are in a way telling her all the things that could go wrong with her own pregnancy and she doesn't want to hear it.

Agree with other avoid the topic

Oh I feel for you hon - I am on my 2nd preg and a colleague is having her 1st and is 2 weeks behind me. Am being compared constantly..... Had constant morning sickness, she didn't, my bump showed earlier and bigger, pgp kicked n at 14 weeks, she is fine. Even got told by her I was being an over-dramatic hormonal bitch when I was upset that everyone thought it was their business to tell ppl I was preggers before my 12 week scan. (I had to tell some of my colleagues dueto nature of work.....)

No advice but giving u a hug xxxx

I agree with others - just avoid the topic.

I find it quite difficult to talk to very anxious pregnant women because I constantly feel like it is taking every bit of self discipline to not freak out about all my own worries that listening to other pregnant women's anxieties as well is more than I can bear. On the outside (in RL) I probably come across as being very laid back and chilled about the whole thing because I just try and divert the conversation by saying "no, it'll all be fine!", but it's just my own coping strategy as inside I'm desperately trying not to entertain my fears as I'd completely panic and fall apart if I did.

I'm not saying your colleague is doing this, necessarily, but you don't know how she really feels.

Just don't talk to her about your fears if you can avoid it, and find a more sympathetic ear.

She's very likely nervous and scared too, but it sounds like she is trying to cope by ignoring the possibilities, being positive and enjoying her pregnancy whatever the outcome.

Others cope by voicing all those fears.

Neither of you are unreasonable in your outlooks but as they sound very different I agree the topic is probably best avoided... unless it's something easy like brands of nappies and what nursery furniture you like!

Thanks ladies, am going to try to avoid the topic with her. Woke up this morning anxious about my early scan on Monday because I'm convinced it will be bad news. God, what's wrong with me???? Why can't I stop this???

I was soooooo much more anxious first time round. Second time i find it a bit difficult to tolerate all of the 1st time worries (even though I had some of them too) my cousin had heartburn and rocked up at triage and has asked if she can eat cheddar cheese. I just think grrr get on with it. Sorry but first timers can be a bit neurotic.

As others have said I'd try not to read into it too much. Pregnancy is different for everyone. A second timer knows that things can work out just fine and have experienced getting a baby at the end of it, maybe that makes it easier for some women to relax about it.

I actually think it's the reverse for me. I was calm and chilled out with my first and slowly got more anxious with each pregnancy. This is my 3rd and I've had this horrible pushing my luck feeling right from the start. I'm also so much more aware of what can go wrong these days, as the saying goes ignorance is bliss! I do worry my luck won't hold out for another straight forward pregnancy, labour and healthy baby. My midwife said she felt exactly the same with her 3rd so I know I'm not alone on this but it doesn't make it any easier to just relax and not worry.

Good luck for your reassurance scan :)

Brownbear - I agree with you about feeling neurotic!