Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Flip

Original poster

Getting upset that everyone assumes I'm having a boy

21 replies

mrsmugoo · 16/12/2013 16:09

I'm 27 weeks and we have chosen not to find out the sex of our baby.

My SIL is 35 weeks and is having a girl. The whole family have got it into their head that we're "obviously" having a boy - not even entertaining the idea of a girl... "I'd be very surprised if it was" from MIL today. Saying things like "oh I just imagine you with a boy" like me having a girl would be somehow alien?!

This is really upsetting me - we don't know the sex of our baby! We have a 50/50 chance of having a girl!

I kind of hope in a way it is a boy so there is one boy one girl, first granddaughter, first grandson rather than first granddaughter and... oh another one. But that's not a good reason to hope for any particular sex - we don't actually care, hence not finding out.

Anyone else feel over-sensitive about their family or friends making these kind of comments?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

MamaMary · 16/12/2013 16:11

Before I had children, and when I got pregnant for the first time, all my family ,myself included, thought I would have male children. 'We can see you with boys' - did the ring test and everything load of absolute nonsense and it came out I would have two boys...

I have two DDs

YANBU but try to ignore them.

Original poster

mrsmugoo · 16/12/2013 16:17

Thanks - am really trying, but sometimes the hormones make me feel really upset at it.

I feel as though if it is a girl, the family (esp SIL) would be disappointed as they had "first dibs" on a grand daughter.

Our pregnancy was a surprise as well - so we already feel like we have inadvertently stolen their baby thunder by being pregnant at all - but the boy comments are really just adding to it.

OP posts:

MamaMary · 16/12/2013 16:20

It's none of their business at the end of the day - you're not having a baby for the wider family. It's yours and your DH's. Your SIL or MIL have nothing to do with it. So try not to let it worry you.

TwoThreeFourSix · 16/12/2013 16:24

It is annoying but just let it wash over you. My family is similar (I must be having a girl because its most likely the last grandchild on both sides and for the moment there's only boys) but I realised it's just because they're excited and want to talk about the pregnancy and the baby all the time and there's only so many things to talk about an unborn child!

But when we discovered that I'm expecting DS2 I was immediately told that they could all see me with just boys, little boys are so cute etc. etc. Was quite funny.

tiddleypompom · 16/12/2013 16:25

D'you think it could be possible that SIL was a little disappointed to share the pregnancy & new baby in the family 'thing'? Silly, yes - but possibly folks are inadvertently protecting her by not comparing the two of you (one has girl, one has boy thus no direct comparisons)?

Just a thought.

Anyway, you're both having a brand new person - gender is given too much airtime I reckon, and personally I think you've got the best deal by keeping it a surprise :)

Try not to let it get to you - and enjoy your remaining trimester!

ChicaMomma · 16/12/2013 16:30

meet your pregnancy twin...

There are loads of girl babies in both our families- hubbie has 2 nieces and no nephews, i have 7 nieces and only 1 nephew.
When the news broke, said nephew called me (he's 9) and said ''it better not be ANOTHER girl cousin''.. even his little sister said ''there are enough girls already, give us a boy!''..

yesterday, sis and sil were both like ''i will be flabbergasted if it's a girl, it's definitely a boy''.. they even asked me if i had an orgasm during conception as apparently t his increases the likelihood of having a boy??

i kid you not..

and yes, i find it annoying!

In my case it's just a lot of pressure to have a boy. We dont mind either way- although given the choice we'd choose a boy, i'm not sure though if that's just because i dont want to disappoint everyone else at this stage!

we are going to find out alright at the 20 week scan- but we wont tell anyone else.

SolitudeSometimesIs · 16/12/2013 16:31

I have a similar situation with everyone assuming I'm hoping for a girl this time as we have a DS - we don't know the sex either. A few people have been refusing to believe that I genuinely don't care, they can get quite aggressive about it.

My response is that I don't mind what the baby is and if they're so fussed for a baby girl, they're more than welcome to get pregnant themselves. People are weird about pregnancy and want to sometimes make it about them, if they persist just roll your eyes and say that you'll have to wait and see.

Don't worry about upsetting your SIL and in-laws, if they get huffy about the fact that you've had a baby girl then they sound like a bunch of lunatics. My ability to be polite has diminished as this pregnancy has progressed

Doctorbrownbear · 16/12/2013 17:01

You are probably being over sensitive but everyone including me thought I was having a boy and I have a girl.

CheeseAndFriedMushrooms · 16/12/2013 17:09

I've been told by mil since first pregnancy that I will only have sons. I replied saying I would love a daughter, her reply was that I would never have one, said quite nastily.

two sons later the stupid cow might be right

ChicaMomma · 16/12/2013 17:11

hahaha does your husband have a lot of brothers or something??
god, in laws are crazy!!!!!!!!

MamaMary · 16/12/2013 17:17

Cheese, could she be bitter that she only had sons or something?!! Why would someone say something like that

Original poster

mrsmugoo · 16/12/2013 17:20

No just the one sister - who's having the girl. So yes tiddleypompom totally hit the nail on the head, I think they are disappointed to be sharing the pregnancy and new baby "thing" with us as they had monopoly on it for 2 years while they were TTC and then OOPS up pops a surprise unplanned (but very much wanted!) baby from us so closely after.

The fact that we don't know is also possibly bone of contention as I believe they would prefer to know so they could get their head around the fact there might be another girl on the way to share the limelight with and also that because we chose not to find out - they we are in some way implying "our way"is better.

OP posts:

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs · 16/12/2013 17:36

If you're really that upset by what is probably just casual small talk, why don't you go and find out the sex?

HomeHypno · 16/12/2013 18:27

That sounds hugely annoying, how on earth can a family justify being disappointed by something that none of us has any control over? There are already a lot of children in my family which hasn't put similar pressure on us but it sounds infuriating that children are assigned roles even before they are born.

Original poster

mrsmugoo · 16/12/2013 18:33

HomeIsWhereTheGinIs because we want to find out at the birth!

OP posts:

tiddleypompom · 16/12/2013 18:42

Ah, in which case you & DH should Perhaps prepare for quite a few eye-rolling/frustrating/down right annoying moments in the future as SIL jostles for limelight!

Lovely for the two children concerned though, regardless of gender, to have a cousin so close in age.

Can I give you some advice (sorry, I know it's annoyingly regular to receive unrequested advice in pregnancy from complete strangers)? Be aware from the start of the temptation to compare babies - oh and labours/childbirth stories. Don't be tempted to join in, it can be covert as well as ludicrously overt, but always leaves at least one parent feeling sad/confused/pissed off/offended. Don't let your SIL or mil ring your bell - you & your new nuclear family unite!

Happy Christmas & congratulations!

tiddleypompom · 16/12/2013 18:44

Oh, and your way is better

Original poster

mrsmugoo · 16/12/2013 19:51

I appreciate the advice tiddleypompom and it's something we have already discussed and agreed we won't do!

However - with one couple being 8 weeks ahead - they are 8 weeks ahead on all the major decisions and so even though we are totally NOT going down the comparison route - if we do something different to them, it is SEEN as being a judgement on their decision.

It's a minefield I tell you!!

OP posts:

tiddleypompom · 16/12/2013 20:33

It'll all even out when they get to school - by then 8 weeks will be nothing.

Only 4 years to go then. Hehe.

Good luck

Smithy007 · 16/12/2013 21:31

I had a similar thing with a friend. I have two boys and she has two boys.

Prior to finding out the gender we had a few discussions and she really insisted it was surely another boy. She though it was another boy and told me that I should just "deal with it".

Her attitude actually made things a bigger issue than they actually were, in the end she was super eager to find out what I was having and it made me not even want to know myself.

As luck would have it, I am having a girl and she has been very quiet since.

TobyLerone · 16/12/2013 22:53

It sounds to me like you're being a bit crackers about this, and definitely oversensitive.

I just don't get why it matters. It's not like they're trying (or able) to influence the outcome, nor are they implying that you having a boy would be a bad thing.

Unclench a bit, and learn to nod and smile. This won't be the last time someone pisses you off this pregnancy.

Flip