Adjusting to new arrival - hormonal and panicking!

[ASmidgeofMidge]

Apologies if this is in the wrong place. Am hoping for words of wisdom and advice - am sitting here, MN-ing away in peace and tranquillity, dd in bed, and have suddenly shat myself with fear. DD is nearly 6, and am pg with #2 due Jan 2014.

Have started thinking about the veritable bombshell that we're about to visit on DD when her sibling turns up. Can people give me tips/reassurance re how to help us all cope and acclimatise? I'm thinking of the little things-like new DC crying at night in what was, before, a quiet house - and the bigger ones, like ensuring DD feels secure. I've noticed she's been clingier than usual over the last few weeks...

Sorry-v garbled!

It'll all be ok. Your dd will be your special helper, let her know the baby is hers to nurture and protect. Done things I did with my 22mth old when new baby came along:

• Give her a special gift from the baby
• feed the baby while snuggling dd on sofa reading her a book/watching a DVD
• go for special trips to cafe with dd & baby (or leave baby with partner for an hr)

Hope this helps - is dd excited to meet new baby? Does she understand what's happening?

She seems excited, but I am fearful for the inevitable moment when the novelty wears off! Thank you for tips - am currently trying to think of a fab gift from dc to her...

Luckily pregnancy lasts for quite a long time, so there's a real chance for the idea to grow on her! I agree with Amazingness - she gets to be the big sister and can help you to look after the new baby. There will be times when she doesn't think much of the new addition, but these will pass. What is most important IMO is that DD gets special time once the baby is here - going to friends houses or grandparents, but also with her parents - reading/playing together during nap time or doing a treat she really loves. I'd thoroughly recommend a sling as it is a bit more portable than a pushchair and means you can go out and do things together a bit more easily.

My son adores being an older brother and is often explaining things to his little sister or encouraging her to do things - and she is his number one fan, which makes him more confident and happy.

Im expecting dc 6 in January.
My youngest dc is almost 6.

When he was born the other dc were 18, 16, 7 &3.
I am anticipating it will be easier this time. My plan is to keep to the normal routine. Baby will fit into the household...

A new mum at the school with her 2nd told me that wasn't possible. It is but it means the baby isn't the absolute priority 100% of the time. Yes, the baby will be left to cry sometimes. Its not popular but it will be physically impossible for me to see to the baby & get the younger 2 ready all at the same time.

With all mine im preparing them in there individual way for when the baby arrives. My youngest 2 have ASD so preparation is the key to coping!

Good luck.

Their not there! ;-)

Thanks again. Yes, I think making sure that dd has some 1:1 time is going to be key...

Glad you asked this, I am deeply in denial!! DS is 20m and DS2 is also due jan, good idea about a present from the baby, thanks I'm mostly worried as I don't think DS1 has any idea about what is about to happen, poor boy!! I'm hoping lots of granny time and cake will see us through! Good luck op

Hi, am bumping / resurrecting this in the hope of more tips! Looking online, most of the info about helping sibs to adjust seems to be geared toward toddlers, rather than slightly older dc like mine. I'm now 38w and dd is becoming increasingly clingy & tearful. She's struggled with returning to school this week (although I'm told she's been fine once she's there ). It's so sad to see her struggling. She hasn't voiced any worries about the impending arrival but I can't help but think this is the root of the issue. There's also been some 'baby talk' and issues with going to bed...
DD is quite a sensitive soul.

Two girls in my DDs class at school were onlys until new siblings arrived at ages of 6/7ish. They seemed to cope perfectly well and both clearly adore their siblings. They seemed to be heavily involved in their care, helping with changing/feeding/bathing and general amusing. It has to be said that siblings were a huge status symbol at school with the rest of the class desperate for a look/hold/smile etc.
I think you need to involve your DD as much as possible, but only as much as she wants. Don't forget all siblings 'hate' each other and annoy each other and fight with each other, regardless of the age gap!
Definitely make sure your DD has time spent with both parents. Also, agree that the new arrival has to fit in with the established family routine. DC1 is always prioritised - DCs 2, 3, etc just have to wait. It does them no harm.
Good luck

Thanks Seeline! I think dd has quite mixed views at the moment - excited, but apprehensive too iyswim. One of the things I'm wondering about is how people manage the sleeping arrangements; our house has really thin walls and am thinking that crying dc2 will wake dd...

She may wake at first but I think she will soon learn to sleep through. My two are 9 and 12 now, and one of them may be ill during the night with DH and I having to change beds etc and the other will sleep through quite happily. I don't remember either of them waking hte other apart from one or two very rare occasions. I don't think it's until you're a mum that every little thing wakes you during the night

I had dc3 in october and my dc1 was 12 and dc2 6. while I was pregnant dd2 was very clingy. she wouldnt go into school without tears and me trying to pry her off me. she played up alot. I was really worried about when the baby would come how she would be but I needn't have worried. Pretty much as soon as ds arrived she changed. she calmed down wasn't so clingy and absolutely loved/loves him. she started going into school happily with no more tears.
Also with sleeping arrangements our bedroom is right opposite dd2 and the baby has never woken her up with his crying in the night. And belive me he can cry loud and she sometimes sleeps with the door open.
Good luck OP. I hope it all goes well for you.

Thank you both - blankenbaby you have given me hope! DD is so clingy at the moment, maybe she's getting it all out of her system before dc2 arrives...