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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Early pregnancy. Wedding dilemma. Advice please.

19 replies

Secretlypregnant · 13/12/2013 13:57

OK, I realise this is a minor dilemma in the grand scheme of things. But I really don't know how best to handle it and would appreciate some opinions.

I'm six weeks pregnant so won't be having my scan until late January. I had a MC a couple of months ago, which has made me even more anxious than I would normally be. Also I'm older and the risk factors for any problems are likely to be higher than average. If there should be major problems, we are pretty sure that we wouldn't want to continue with the pregnancy. So between that and the increased MC worries I really do not want to tell friends and family about it until after the scan.

I am going to be part of the wedding party of a friend of mine in mid May, and I have just been asked for my dress size so he can order all the outfits.

Obviously I don't want them to waste money on something I won't be able to wear. Also I don't know if the same dress will be available by the time I am able to announce anything. And even then I don't know how big I will be.

On the other hand I feel a bit sick at the thought of telling anyone! This isn't a super-close friend, but it is someone I have known for a very long time.

It's not an option to say I can't be part of the wedding party without explaining why, as I am sure that would hurt him and cause bad feeling.

I think I have to tell him, don't I?

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cathpip · 13/12/2013 14:01

I think you need too, but you can stress to him that this must not go any further due to a previous miscarriage and you are still awaiting a scan date. Hope all goes well and congratulations on your pregnancy.

peeapod · 13/12/2013 14:02

you do.. kinda. way i seee it you have 2 options. you can be honest and say you are ttc so don't know if youl be pregnant by then and will this cause a problem or you can be totally honest...

Boobybeau · 13/12/2013 14:09

Could you maybe say youre trying to loose weight for the wedding so can you wait until after Xmas to get the dress? If your super skinny already i guess this excuse won't wash though.

CluelessNewbie1 · 13/12/2013 14:09

Would you be able to return the dress after your scan or have it altered?

yummymango · 13/12/2013 14:11

I don't think you need to say anything. Order the dress in a size bigger and then if you have a big bump you can get it altered by a seamstress nearer the time. They can put in extra material.

yummymango · 13/12/2013 14:14

Do you get to choose the dress? An empire line which has a seam under the bust and then flares out would be more practical for a growing baby bump. And if anything happens you can always get the dress made smaller. Congratulations by the way :)

Original poster

Secretlypregnant · 13/12/2013 14:20

Thanks for all your replies.

I think they're ordering the dress from one of those overseas companies that do a vast array of different styles in all colours. Probably not easy to return. They haven't told me what the style is like exactly, only that it has just had to be changed owing to a pregnancy announcement from the maid of honour!

I'm quite slim, so he'd think I was being very strange if I said I was on a diet.

I have never had anything altered by a seamstress. What if they couldn't get material to match, or the style just couldn't be altered?

I wonder if I could get him to send me a link to the dress, and say that it would depend a bit on the style as to which size I would need. At least then I would know if it looked alterable.

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Original poster

Secretlypregnant · 13/12/2013 14:22

And thank you for the congratulations! Still early days, but so far this feels more like my first pregnancy, which was successful, than like the one where I had a MC. Feeling hopeful!

I think it may well be an empire line style - the early ideas they had included a couple that were of that ilk.

OP posts:

yummymango · 13/12/2013 14:27

A good seamstress should be able to do anything. And if they can't match the fabric exactly they should be able to find something close enough that people wouldn't notice, or make a feature of it - you can discuss options with the bride nearer the time if you need it. At 6 months pregnant you may even get away with just a bigger sized dress, depends on the style and how big you are. They can put in panels down the side (I have known other bridesmaids have this done before) or sometimes at the back it depends on the style of the dress. At the end of the day you are only 6 weeks and you may not have even known about this for a few weeks yet in which case you would have had to go down the alteration route anyway.

ChicaMomma · 13/12/2013 14:49

Same happened to 1 of my BMs actually. She told me when she was 10 weeks, and she was going to be 25 weeks at the wedding. She said she was happy to either bow out, or find another dress (herself). I told her i'd help her find anotehr dress so that was what we did- very similar in style to the otehr BMs and exact same colour. It was no drama in the end at all.. I would not worry about it one single thing until end of January, go and worry about yourself in the interim.

Writerwannabe83 · 13/12/2013 14:54

When I asked my best friend to be my bridesmaid she had to tell me she had just found out she was pregnant. She was only 4 weeks gone and would be 6 months pregnant at the time of the Wedding. There was no option but to be honest but I kept my lips tightly sealed.

I also ordered my dresses from an online company abroad and purposefully ordered ones which could be easily adjusted to accommodate her bump. About 2 weeks before the wedding we went to a local dressmakers who make the necessary amendments and there were no problems at all. She looked absolutely beautiful

Congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope everything turns out to be well x

EmB1715 · 13/12/2013 19:06

I had to tell my aunt before my 12 week scan that I was pregnant for the same reason. Annoyingly it got around even though I told her to be discrete...but that's another matter. I was a size 10 pre-pregnancy so stupidly suggested she order a size 12 (empire line). Imagine my embarrassment when not only did the size 12 not fit but neither did a 14! Lots of faff to keep returning them and I looked weird in a dress that wasn't designed for pregnant women. Obviously you have to just go with the flow but beware!

summerbaby2014 · 13/12/2013 19:35

I think the trying to conceive excuse is a good one. People don't tend to question that and there's no real gossip to pass around.
You might cause a little inconvenience for the next month but it'll be easier in the long run.
Good luck!

FizzyFeet · 13/12/2013 19:47

Just to add another thought - is it possible that the dresses will come with wraps made of the same material? If so, a dressmaker could use some of that to add extra panels to the dress.

Congratulations on your pregnancy!

CluelessNewbie1 · 16/12/2013 11:33

As they are buying you the dress perhaps you could let them buy it as normal and then you can pay for a maternity style similar at a later date. That way even though you won't be wearing the dress they get its not actually cost them any more or caused any inconvenience and your secret is safe.

Armadale · 16/12/2013 11:41

This might be an expensive way around it if you are determined not to mention the PG (which I fully understand, btw), could you ask for a link to the dress out of interest for a friend, and then order a second dress yourself?

I had a BM who was roughly a size 20, and asked for us to order her a size 14 dress as she was determined to lose weight for the wedding. I was a bit alarmed as it seemed an awful lot of pressure on her to do this, so we ordered 2 size 14 dresses, come the day she was actually a size 16-18 ish, so a local dressmaker used the second identical dress to make side panels to widen the dress, as it was the identical fabric you could not tell it had been altered.

Perhaps slightly OTT way of going about things but I was desperate not to cause offence

ovenbun · 16/12/2013 11:50

a good dress maker will be able to put in a co-ordinating panel...perhaps you could just let him know you are trying for a baby?
Just a thought with scans etc the 12 week scan is unlikely to show many abnormalities unless very severe, although the nuchal screening for downs syndrome does occur at this stage...the 20 week scan is the main abnormality screening, I didn't know if this would effect when you were planning to tell him or family wishing you a healthy pregnancy xxxx

Badsecretsanta · 16/12/2013 16:41

I've named changed but my gosh you sound like me! I'm also 6 weeks pregnant and am having a scan late January but also miscarried a couple of months ago. I totally understand your wish not to tell anyone.

I would get the link of the dress and have a look them decide what you need.

Good luck with your pregnancy! It's such an exciting but nervous time isn't it?

Foodylicious · 16/12/2013 17:49

Good luck

are they just asking for your dress size or your measurements?? depending on all of the party's proportions and style of dresses you may need to have them altered anyway! me and my sister have been the same 'size' but are different shapes so one thing that looks good on her is just awful and ill fitting on me...
maybe just order a size bigger than you are now and you can get it taken in to fit your proportions whatever they may be at the time

best wishes

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