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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Does your dp/ dh do more because your pregnant?

19 replies

Shellywelly1973 · 08/12/2013 16:05

Just being nosy really as my dp hasn't done anything extra or even what I've asked him to do. Im 33 weeks. Exhausted, pgp, very swollen hands, feet & legs. Hideous cold& sore throat.

Asked dp to take dc out today so I could clsan bedrooms but he didn't. So I've got mad & spent afternoon in bed!

Im still working. Ds finishes school Friday. Other 2 ds finish the following Wednesday. Dp is working from Monday upto Christmas. No tree up. No shopping nothing. I really can't be bothered with it all!

Dp can do it for once!

Am I expecting too much?

Is your dp/ dh more helpful now your pregnant?

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Cariad007 · 08/12/2013 16:41

Mine has always been helpful and done the bulk of the housework and cooking etc. I would expect no less from a partner really!

Original poster

Shellywelly1973 · 08/12/2013 16:44

Dp works about 70 hrs per week to my 20-30 thats why I do more. I work school hours & evenings. He works rotating shifts over 7 days & 24 hr.

Would be physically impossible for him to do equal amounts to me!

OP posts:

BunnyLebowski · 08/12/2013 16:44

Your DP sounds like a thoughtless twunt.

I'm in the very early stages of this pregnancy and DP is being amazing. Getting up with DD so I can sleep in, making endless cups of tea and generally taking even better care of me than he usually does.

I would have imagined that is the norm for any loving partner.

whereisshe · 08/12/2013 16:45

Not really. He does a lot whether I'm pregnant or not, tbh, I don't think there's been anything extra since I've been pg.

It does sound like it's really bothering you, which isn't good - have you had a chat to him about the help you'd like?

Original poster

Shellywelly1973 · 08/12/2013 16:50

whereisshe I told him very clearly what needed tobbe done!

OP posts:

Strongecoffeeismydrug · 08/12/2013 20:12

My other half does loads anyway but since I've been pregnant he's been extra fab .
He's started doing all the shopping on a weekend taking the kids with him so I can soak in the bath, walking the dog instead of me and cooking all the meals on his days off from work.

EeyoreIsh · 08/12/2013 20:14

Yes, he's been great. I was so ill for the first 20 weeks he had no choice but to do pretty much everything around the house. Now I'm feeling better he's doing a bit less but still steps in when I need him to. Most of the time!

Rowboat · 08/12/2013 21:07

dh does loads anyway we have equal number of days with dd (he works compressed to have her a day), take it in turns on most daily chores, etc (though I have slightly more), but because Im rather stubborn I never let him do extra help in my first pregnancy at the beginning and now I wish I hadn't been so independent because he's assumed I don't want or need it. Sometimes he's amazing and spontaneous with his help and treats but sometimes he really neees a kick up the arse.

Rowboat · 08/12/2013 21:12

i do get how frustrating it is to actually ask for something and it be ignored though. This evening I asked him to mug up on the tens machine. Has he? nope. And the 2 weeks of nagging to get the Moses basket from the loft ...

sophs37 · 08/12/2013 22:15

mines been great but then always has been ive suffered really badly in this pregnancy so hes been doing more even taking my daughter to school now so I can relax. The only thing is he dont do the washing so tonight I asked him to coz im finding it difficult to bend down bit of a fuss but he did it xx

Writerwannabe83 · 08/12/2013 23:17

Mine is crap - I can't remember when he last did something...

He was lazy before I got pregnant and certainly nothing has changed....

I was up cleaning the kitchen at 02.00am a few days ago whilst plotting the best way to leave him. That's how angry I felt at the time. There have been many arguments and many a tear shed over this issue!!

Original poster

Shellywelly1973 · 09/12/2013 01:07

I've actually decided we need to separate. Im really ill with some sort of virus. Running fever all evening & feeling really awful. Much worse than when I originally posted.

He didn't even offer me a glass of water. Its always the same.

Im going to end up totally on my own with 4 dc, 2 have SNs. I don't have any friends or family locally. Im very limited due to my boys but I hate feeling like this. We've separated before and I shouldn't have let him come home but our youngest was 5 weeks old then & I had no one to help.

He's never going to change & I know it.

Thanks for all your replies.

OP posts:

4thTimeLuckyWithBoo · 09/12/2013 15:41

My partner has always helped, even if I don't expect him too. He works 60+ hours a week, sometimes away for a few days at a time and he still helps.

I don't work anymore due to being high risk, but study 3 days a week.. and even though I have 4 free days he still does an equal amount of cleaning and making food than me! If I clean alone now, he will tell me not too due to a difficult pregnancy.

This time last year he was horrendous, didn't work an sat on his arse all day, i coped with him being like that for 6+ months hoping he would change (though he was grieving due to us losing our son) I booted him up the arse and said if he doesnt change to the hard working man he was I was going to leave. It worked and he is so thankful I gave him a boot because he bloody loves working and providing smile. If he went back to his old ways I'd say to him that he's starting to change for the worst again, give him a week or two and if he didnt sort it out I would leave. Might sound harsh but our relationship wasn't good.

I cant wait for him to be a dad now, he cant stop going on about our little girl being daddies princess and hes even offered to do night feeds when she arrives when he works 5-7 some days!

If you dont think he will change honestly youre better of alone, especially if its making you feel like crap.

puntasticusername · 09/12/2013 16:02

Wow. Big decision! I hope you're alright

BakeOff · 09/12/2013 16:12

Wow. That's a huge decision which I'm sure you didn't come to lightly. I'm so sorry you're having to face this right now. But if he's like this with DC4 (ie he should know by now that pregnancy is not easy and it's his job to look after you through it) then I expect you're right and he's unlikely to change.

Try posting in relationships as they have great advice and support over there.

So sorry Shelly.

Peacenquiet2 · 09/12/2013 22:15

Nope! Ive always done bulk of child care, all of housework, etc. I work pt he works ft. Hes not done a single jot more with either of my pgs, i dont expect it anymore! So youre not alone op.

freemanbatch · 09/12/2013 22:30

I'm 38+5 weeks pregnant with DC3 and I've been single throughout my pregnancy, my family are a long way away and due to legal reasons me and the kids are totally no contact with the ex and his family and I have to say that compared with two pregnancies where I had a husband to 'help' me this pregnancy has been a doddle

In reality it hasn't been easy to do it without help and I'm sure when the little one turns up it will be interesting but its a whole lot easier than having less than helpful help around.

froubylou · 10/12/2013 07:13

Hope you are feeling a bit better shelly.

You poor bugger. I know how you feel. My DP also works a lot more hours than me so I have always done the house and childcare. I am 39 weeks pg on Friday and booked in for a elcs. So have told DP he has to help more.

Things do get done. But it is such a drama to get them done it is sometimes easier to do them myself. Which then makes me rage at him.

You both seem to have a lot on though and a way to go until the baby is here. Would it be financially possible to have a cleaner for a few months until you get back on your feet? And then discuss what needs doing the rest of the time in a morning so everyone knows what they are doing when they get in from work and you can split the childcare so everyone gets the same amount of leisure time.

You are probably right though in that he will never change. If you can't live with that then obviously you need to make some drastic change somewhere.

However a bloke that works 70 hours a week can't be all that bad. Thoughtless yes. But I find with my DP that because I don't ask for help very often he just doesn't realise what I do and what needs doing.

Which you could argue (on here anyway) means I should ltb. But I have no clue what he does on his building site either. And am happy to let him do his 60 hours a week as it keeps our lifestyle comfortable.

Anyway hope you feel better soon. And some bog unmny hugs.

livingzuid · 10/12/2013 07:53

Since the start of pg DH has done everything as I was too sick. I'm a bit better now and do a bit more - driven to desperation over the laundry - but he still does most of it. Even before he would always do the bulk of cooking and so on as I have a 2 hour commute every day and his is 20 minutes.

I'm sorry you are having such a rough time and you are going through so much. Sounds like you are doing an amazing job and try to access all the help you can from social services etc.

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