Worried about husband not being able to help after c section..

[floppops]

I'm planning on having a c section in March for second DC. First DD will be 4. My husband has planned to take off 2 weeks to help out but I'm really worried that he won't be able to.
He has had addiction issues for his whole adult life and has been receiving help for these issues for 3 years but recently has started drinking and getting stoned again. He has been stoned every night since the weekend and often can't sleep and then doesn't go to work. Bad mood swings etc. Also takes it out on me and DD if I ask him to help out. Says I don't care that he's sick. He always says it's a virus or something he ate making him feel ill..
Anyway not sure whether I can trust he'll be able to help with the baby when it arrives. I can manage everything on my own and do anyway but I'm worried that I won't be able to manage physically.
How long will I really need physical help?
I obviously have told him my concerns but I cannot force him to stop. I could of course force him to leave as I have before but that's another issue. I'm more concerned right now with the practicalities.

From a practical perspective, I'd say it really depends on how well your C-section goes. Is it your first or second? I recovered from my first incredibly quickly and was driving after 5 days. My second wasn't so easy (not sure if this was linked to it being my second or just being tired and having another child to deal with). I also developed an infection at 10 days post-op and ended up in hospital for 4 days on IV ABs.

But I have heard of many people who've had second/third CSs and it's all gone really well. Everyone is different.

Is there anyone else, family or friends, who can help with practicalities. Do you have to get your DD to nursery or school? And who will look after DD while you're in hospital as it's unlikely you'll be discharged before 48 hours min with a C-section?

Good luck though and congrats on the new baby. :)

Someone is bound to be along in a minute who will know exactly what to say.

I think there are much wider issues here than just whether he'll be able to help after the c-section. Is he able to be a loving and supportive partner and father when he's high and/or drunk? From your post it doesn't sound like it, and I'm not surprised.

Also, will you be relying on him financially when the baby is born? If he's not able to go into work through lack of sleep etc etc then that's obviously leaving you in a vulnerable position.

I think it's fairly obvious that he needs help for his addiction (which I know you're aware), but please do remember that your priority is yourself, your unborn child and your older child and that you don't have to put up with bad treatment or extra stress, or have to look after him.

In terms of how you'll do after the c-section? I don't know. I've read that some people can bounce back really quickly, for others it can take a while. It could go either way for you but it's important to have the support in place just in case.

As I said, someone will be along in a minute with some good advice

I'm having an appointment today with the midwife to discuss my support needs after the birth etc. as I have mental health needs. I really suggest talking to the midwife about this because they would rather know now you might need some support from them (or to see what they can arrange) rather than when you give birth. worth an ask. It wont mean an automatic referal to social services... or anything like that. just an assessment of support..

It'll be my first c section, last time was long drawn out assisted birth with PPH and cervical tears etc hence the c section this time.
He does receive help with his issues but it doesn't seem to stop his behaviour. I am at least grateful he acknowledges it to be a problem and seeks help actively. It just doesn't always work for that long..
Yes the financial aspect does worry me. I can only hope he manages to stay working. He has been through worse times before and managed to work.
We did go through a worse time with this when DD was born and the midwives/health visitors/gps were and are all aware of the situation. They offer no real practical help.
I do have family that could help a bit but I'm not sure how much/how long etc.
Really I'm wondering if I'll be able to pick the baby up at night for feeding etc alone if I cannot wake/ask my husband.

It might be worth seeing if Homestart operate in your area as they may be able to offer you some practical support. You can search via postcode on their website: www.home-start.org.uk/

I had a c section with my first and as I was living at home with my mum,she worked all the time so couldn't help much so I had to do it on my own and i managed to pick ds up and do feeds ect, it was painful but bareable, if I can do it you will manage even if your dp can't help all the time.
I'll second jammie my neighbor had a woman who used to come on a Tuesday/Thursday afternoon to help look after her kids while she cleaned and stuff as her mum and dad had passed away and her dp didn't live with her and she had no support, it was aranged through homestart.

The irony with a C-section is that until you get discharged, you don't get any help at night picking the baby up to feed or change! I was on my own from kicking out time (8pm) and DS was next to me in his crib. I was still more or less paralysed from the epidural (having had DS at 5pm) and no nurses offered to help. So yes, it is possible to pick up the baby and feed after a C-section.