Second time mums advice/what would you do different

[caitlinsurrey]

Hey ladies, what advice/what would you do differently this time around.

This is mine:

1. Dont listen to other people, everyone has an opinion on how you should feed the baby what you should be doing what you are doing wrong etc etc and the best advice i can give is ignore them all! My husbands nan said that me breast-feeding wasn't a good idea as you can't tell how much milk the baby is getting. This infuriated me beyond imagination - when I expressed milk it filled up almost two bottles every time so I was pretty sure that combined with the fact that the baby was putting on weight meant I was doing just fine breast-feeding.

1. When people say they will "come round and give you a hand" they normally mean they will come round and expect you to be serving coffee and cake and not help you at all. I found that the longer you stay in pyjamas the longer you get out of being a "host". The second you get dressed and do your make up everyone thinks your back to normal again so make the most of a fluffy dressing gown!

I told all visitors for the first month that they could only visit if they brought appropriate food with them, so you come at lunchtime: you bring lunch with you; mid afternoon: bring cake! etc

It worked really well, and meant I didn't have to worry about "entertaining" anyone.

Definitely no visitors until I'm ready. it disgusted me to have over 15 people at my house 3 days after giving birth while healing from a second degree tear!!

I had visitors every day up until DS was 8 weeks old (we have a large family combined).

I'll never forget my Dad's stupid comment saying "Why are you still in bed, guests will be here in four hours so you need to be washed and dressed now" despite being up the whole night with DS.

Unfortunately for all, I'm on my own house now so guests really can feck off.

...and breathe...

not share name choices with anyone!!!

Sleep when the baby sleeps!!

People have selective memories. Second time around (if it happens ) I'll remember that when someone (I'm looking at you mil) says they did everything perfectly and I'm doing everything wrong, not only are they lying, they can also fuck right off making me feel inadequate.

OP, I agree with those! I'm pregnant with DC2. Since having my daughter I've told all pregnant friends to stay in jammies for at least a week. I had an EMCS and baby had trouble feeding, i really wish I'd said no to people (including MIL) visiting in the first fortnight. That might sound extreme to some people, but honestly, I'll never visit a new parent in the first few weeks again, it's too much.

I'm also going to ignore the mum and mother in law if they try and give (un)helpful advice about feeding, it just upset me.

I would say remember to give yourself a break. Stay in your pj's, leave the housework etc. Do what makes you happy

I had lots of good intentions second time around. Lots of things I would do differently to the first time but I think once you're living it again you forget how precious those first few days and weeks are.

I am not going to allow anyone other than hubby and DD to come to the hospital and when I am home people will be welcome to visit when I invite them and not when they feel like it.

This time I will also spend more time on the couch in my PJs relaxing with my baby instead of trying to be superwoman and do everything. I will also try harder to breast feed instead of freaking out and giving up.

Here's some good things that just happen second time around:

• you are already a mum, you grow bigger balls. You'll find it much easier to tell people to eff off; you've got your own opinions on baby raising matters and aren't afraid to voice them (BF/FFing, weaning, sleep etc)
• you know for a fact that your mum/MIL is talking a load of shite when she tells you that all of her kids had a full set of teeth by 6m/ were potty trained by 18m / not only walking but running by 9m
• you are more relaxed and at peace and more able to enjoy the baby phase, as you know nothing (good or bad) lasts for very long at that age.

Had hardly any visitors second time round, and a fantastic bf chair for those four hour plus cluster feeding sessions. Also started maternity leave earlier.
Basically, with DC1 I soldiered on and with DC2 I made life easier for myself!

Op - love that your advice is to not listen to anyone! I stopped reading there

Do what makes you happy.

I loved having family round, and going out to show the baby off.

Also, just really enjoy the baby days. They don't last and your tiny bundles of joy will soon grow out of being cute and cuddly.

If somebody asks you about a due date make it 2 weeks later. If you end up overdue and heading for induction at least you'll avoid mails and text messages from the world and their dog asking "any news?". Not to mention friendly chat from locals- haven't had this baby yet?

Epidural is supposed to be taking the pain away. If it's not and you're about to jump out of the window, do not let the nurses fob you off with "oh it sometimes still hurts a little, it's normal". If your epidural does nothing, just get the anesthesiologist back there!
I'm still pissed off, after hearing other people discuss how they would, after getting the epidural, read magazines, took a nap, looked at the monitor to see the contraction they couldn't feel any more - mine didn't make any difference whatsoever and I was told it's all normal.

In the same vein, don't let yourself to be bullied into anything you really don't want to do. It's hard, when it's your first labour and doctors and nurses claim that something is best for the baby.
But if you don't think this is the right decision for you, be bold and ask if it's an emergency and what exactly will happen if you don't do what they suggest. And if they cannot tell you that something bad will defintiely happen, trust your intuition. (I still feel i was bullied into induction. Combined with non-working epidural, the birth was not the best experience ever).