Overdue and emotional

[SuperLovefuzz]

Hi, sorry if this is a bit jumbled or ranty, I am a bit emotional. Not sure if anyone can relate but hopefully :)
I'm 2 days overdue now which I know isn't terrible for the first baby. I've had quite a difficult pregnancy mainly due to being depressed at times throughout. I've struggled with depression in the past but I think the hormones have made things seem a lot worse over the last months. Just as a bit of background - I've only been with my boyfriend for around 1 year, so the pregnancy was unplanned and a bit of a shock, but we've had a lot of support from our parents and are really looking forward to the baby. Our relationship has been extremely up and down due to lots of issues and us having a lot to deal with in a relatively new relationship. My boyfriend moved to live with me from about 4 hours away (met online) quite soon after we started our relationship, mainly because I was pregnant and we had decided to make a go of things. We've had to move house 3 times and only in the past few months have we got settled into this place permanently. Since moving to live here, he has had 3 jobs, having been sacked from the first 2 for minor (and avoidable) issues (including absence from both). We moved to this flat because of closeness to his first job. It is quite a rural area and doesn't have good public transport. After he lost the job I could no longer afford to keep my car plus pay all rent and bills on our own place (before I was living in cheap, shared accommodation). So for the past few months we've been living here and I have felt increasingly isolated with no friends or family very close by. After the loss of the second job things just went completely to shit and we were arguing constantly. I asked him to leave several times and he refused to go. It got to the point that I had to have him removed by the police because I didn't know what else to do. I know this paints quite a bad picture of my boyfriend but I am not putting all the blame on him. I completely understand he is all alone here having moved hundreds of miles to be with me. I also know that being my main source of emotional support when I am often crying would be a drain on anyone. Over the past month I have been having a lot of back pain to the pthat I can hardly walk for more

*to the point that I can hardly walk for more than a few mins. A week after he left (about a month ago) we had a long and serious talk and decided to give things a chance. When things are good we get on so well together and we're so happy. We are now more realistic in that we need to give each other space and realise we have to accommodate the other person. So he now has a new job which he started a week ago. Since he was back things were amazing, we barely fought except very silly things that we patched up quickly. He was amazingly supportive, giving me massages every day to ease my pain etc. and the relationship was back to being loving and happy as it was when we started. We have got everything organised for the baby and I was feeling a lot better about the baby coming and how we would cope. Since he has started his new job a week ago his behaviour has completely changed. He is snapping over every little thing and barely spending any time with me. I do get he is tired, but so am I. I can hardly sleep due to being so big and sore. He has taken to sleeping on the couch as he says my tossing and snoring keeps him up. I had to go jnto hospital yesterday to be monitored because I didn't feel the baby moving. He didn't come with me which was fine as he was working at 7am today but he was completely unsupportive and said I was 'looking for attention and overreacting'. Thankfully everything was fine and I went for a follow up scan today (a friend took me). When I was on the way home I phoned to give him an update and asked if he wanted to watch a film since he is off work tomorrow. He said he wanted to watch a tribute film about a rock band he loves (I don't like the band). I said I'd rather not watch this but didn't mind too much. So we were watching the doc which was mainly just videos of the band playing. I found this boring and was browsing MN on my phone. He kicked up a big fuss and said I was hurting his feelings by taking no interest. Before watching the film id tried to tell him that I'd had a 'show' and what this meant about how things were moving along and he was disgusted and said he didn't want to hear it. So I think he overreacted about the film but I said sorry anyway to keep peace and explained I was distracted thinking about the upcoming labour. Throughout the evening I've tried to spend time with him because I'm feeling sad on my own. I played GTA with him and he just ended up shouting at me becuase I was losing races. I have gone through about 30 mins ago and told him I know he is tired but that I really need him at this point and I expect him to suck it up, I'm tired too and I'm the one about to have my first baby. He said I have 'used up' all his sympathy because I have leant on him too much. I ended up crying and standing in the hallway literally begging for him to come and lie down with me for a few minutes and to forget about the fights. He locked himself in the bathroom and told me to go to bed and leave him alone. Now I'm just sitting alone crying and having unfamiliar pains in my stomach. I think labour is slowly starting and he is fully aware of this. I don't think active labour is imminent so it is too late to phone my mum or anyone else. I know I should just turn off the light and go to sleep, but I am so sore and sad and I just need a hug :(

I am so upset I feel like I don't even want him there when I go into labour but I know this isn't really fair.

Unmumsnetty >

It sounds like you are in a challenging situation with both of you dealing with things you hadn't imagined a year ago. It all sounds very stressful and you both sound quite isolated.

Do you have family or friends to lean on and support you?

Hi Lady
I'm very close with my mum and can talk to her. The only thing is because the relationship has been so up and down and I've talked to her a lot in the past she tries to stay out of it now and won't really give me any advice other than to just calm down and focus on the baby. He refuses to speak to anyone and just closes off. I just wish he could understand how much I am going through physically and emotionally. I'm about to give birth any time and we need to be together as a unit for when baby is born. I will try to leave him alone until he comes around but I just feel like 'time is of the essence' and I'm desperate to sort things out before labour really starts. Thanks for replying :)

The biggest lesson I've learnt about relationships is the only thing you have control over and can influence is your own behaviour. So your Mum is right, focus on you and the baby, and getting yourself ready to become a mum. At the moment your DP may not be able to be the man you need him to be, and you can't change that as it's up to him, but you can try and be the person you need to be. And by seeing you trying you might inspire him to be a better version of himself.

Thank you :). I do think it is really sad that he can't be here for me right now because I need him. I suppose he is about to become a parent too though and may need some more time to himself. I feel much better just having had a bit of a rant on here! Will get some much needed sleep and hopefully things will look different tomorrow :)