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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

birthing terror

15 replies

scaredandconfused · 13/07/2006 12:19

hi
i am due in less than 4 weeks and i am absolutely terrified. i have all the knowledge of what to expect and have prepared myself with all the relevant classes. i am scared of the pain, scared of not knowing i am in labour and scared of how i will cope with the birthing thing. i know this baby has to come out one way or another but the thought of it all keeps me awake at night. my husband is very good and reassures me that my body is capable of this and he will do what he can to help (including take abuse!!) is it normal to feel like this?? i feel ashamed to admit it but i wish i had thought this through properly before getting pregnant. i know that is a terrible thing to say but i really am terrified.please help

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dressedupnowheretogo · 13/07/2006 12:23

im going through something similar i would suggest you give your midwife a call and talk to her or maybe someone fromthe nct i know they have a helpline

not that id recommend this but because of the way ive been feeling and the way its affected me ive opted to have an elective section

please be careful as this may turn into a bit of abullying thread which is what happened when iasked for advice last week

try asking the people who are in the same antenatal thread on here they may help the august group have nbeen fab for me and i f you are one of us august girls come and speak to us on there
big hugs

morningpaper · 13/07/2006 12:25

PLEASE discuss this with your midwife?

Have you been on a hospital tour? You might find this reassures you.

There are LOTS of drugs which can help you - make sure you know what you want and what is available.

Original poster

scaredandconfused · 13/07/2006 12:25

a bullying thread???? who are these people who bully??
what is the august group??

OP posts:

Spagblog · 13/07/2006 12:29

Have you attended any relaxation classes?
I went to one that taught us tai chi and breathing techniques that were really helpful.

If you tense up when in labour you can make the pain worse, so concentrate on relaxing yourself, make your shoulders relax, breathe slowly, take yourself away from the pain etc etc

Once it all starts you will have endorphines and adrenaline produced naturally to help you deal with it all. Don't be afraid to ask for pain relief if need be. It may be better for you and baby to do it without drugs, but remember that there isn't a medal at the end of it for being brave!
You'll get your baby whether you had drugs or not!

dressedupnowheretogo · 13/07/2006 12:29

i started one re elective sections and it was very bullying in terms of

birth is a natural process blah blah

if your due in august go to chat by topic ante natal groups and click on due in august and introduce yourself there is 51 of us so far come and join the fun
but deffo speak to your midwife mine was fab and very reassuring you do not have to suffer at all

PinkTulips · 13/07/2006 12:31

S&C - trust me the way your feeling is perfectly normal, especially first time round. remember though, your body is designed to do this and there are so many options open to you to help you cope.

if your due in august do come join us on the august thread... go to all topics and go into ante-natal groups, we'll be near the top as we never stop gabbing! you'll be very welcom and like booby said the girls there can be a huge support

Marina · 13/07/2006 12:33

It is totally normal to feel like this . Giving birth is a daunting prospect. Don't be ashamed of feeling like this, s&c.
As the others say, it is still not too late to speak to your midwife (as soon as possible) and get in touch with the local NCT, even if you have not been on their antenatal classes yet.
The NCT has an unfair reputation of being anti-drugs for childbirth and this is not true IME. As MP says, there are a lot of ways of coping with childbirth, and that includes highly effective pain relief.
You could always opt for an elective c-section, but remember that this is major abdominal surgery. It is a very safe procedure but there are risks of complications (more usually for you than the baby). Your midwife and consultant can discuss all this with you.
Good luck and I hope you get lots of support here.

alexsmum · 13/07/2006 12:34

when your labour starts properly you will know you are in labour because it will be unlike anything you have experienced before.
if you try and stay calm and relaxed, perhaps listening to your favourite music, concentrating on keeping your breathing slow and measured, then your body will take over and do it's thing.keep active and walking around as much as possible as this will all help.
it's normal to be scared-it's something huge! that you have never done before!
i'm not going to lie and say it doesn't hurt because it does but it's not like breaking your leg or something.it's productive pain and every pain takes you a bit nearer to meeting your beautiful baby.

Gizmo · 13/07/2006 12:39

Yes, it's normal, scaredandconfused. I can think of four or five threads from people with this exact fear in the past three months.

Speaking to your midwife will help if you trust her. Another thing that I found helped included reading people's birth stories - you can find lots of examples dotted around all over the web. Some of these will be scary, but the vast majority are joyful, despite acknowledging pain.

From your classes, you will know how many things you can do to manage pain and they do work, honestly.

It's worth remembering, there are no gold medals for how you 'cope' during labour. I'm a great advocate for having preferences in labour, but setting objectives that you must meet about your behaviour or how the labour should go will just cause you extra stress. Be flexible: your goal is healthy you, healthy baby at the end of the process and for the huge, huge majority of women in this country that is exactly what they get.

Oh, and you will know when you are in labour. If you don't, then I don't think you will need to be worrying about pain relief!

Good luck and keep posting 'cos you'll get lots of good advice and support on here.

morningpaper · 13/07/2006 12:39

If you tense up when in labour you can make the pain worse

Spagbol I'm guessing you never felt terror at the prospect of birth, but this is THE LAST THING that scaredandconfused needs to hear

Scaredandconfused: I would really recommend a tour of your local hospital and a talk with a friendly midwife. 100,000 women give birth every day and we have not all gone mad from the experience (perhaps from the tiredness of having a newborn though!).

It will all be over VERY SOON and I promise that you will have a lovely baby and will be thinking "Ah that wasn't too bad, maybe I'll have another one soon!"

morningpaper · 13/07/2006 12:41

Scaredandconfused: Your feeling REALLY ARE normal. And what you feel in terms of fear/anxiety during birth is NOT going to determine what sort of birth you have. It's a lucky dip and no one can determine what sort of labour and birth she has. So don't worry that you are going to cause a bad experience - it doesn't work like that.

Spagblog · 13/07/2006 13:05

Morningpaper, yes I did feel the terror.
I went overdue and the terror got worse with every day I went over knowing DD was growing bigger and bigger.

I would have appreciated that snippet of advise as I only worked it out for myself with my second child and it made such a huge difference to the labour.

Beatie · 13/07/2006 13:40

I think it is normal to be very scared of something so major and unpredictable that you will be doing for the first time. It's not like you get a rehearsal.

I was very scared of the unknown.

I was induced early due to the baby's growth trailing off and before the day before the induction, I had to go onto the ward for a little while to be monitored. That helped to ease some of the fear so I certainly think you should take a tour of the hospital. It was helpful to be able to picture where this event would take place. Familiarity takes away some of the fear.

And yes, talk to your midwife.

horseshoe · 13/07/2006 14:14

Hi, I went through exactly the same thing with both my pregnancies. So much so the last time that I probably wont go through it again even though the labour went without a hitch and was over within 4 hours.
It is completely normal. I know it sounds silly but I go through the same when Im about to get on a plane I dont sleep for weeks and start to wish I hadn't booked the holiday.
Sorry not much advice to give but lots of symphathy.

mazzystar · 13/07/2006 14:24

As well as talking to your midwife, and doing the hospital tour, I would definitely recommend taking some sort of relaxation class - round here they do a special antenatal yoga class, it was brilliant for coping mechanisms as well as mentally preparing oneself.

If you possibly can finish work sooner rather than later, its amazing how much easier it is to get your head round things when you don't have the stresses and strains of work.

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