how to convince DH to read up on/prepare for birth?

[Gemmitygem]

am 6 months preg.

DH is very caring, supportive etc,

BUT won't really discuss names, won't read the baby books, or really prepare for the birth. not sure why; I guess he thinks it's a long way off yet. He's happy to hear from me that the baby is so many inches long etc, but doesn't seem particularly curious to know the details. Although he really wants the baby and is glad I'm preg. It's as if it's not real for him yet. He also doesn't want to know the sex, though I really do, which means we can't find out the sex!

But I want him to support me during the labour etc, and want him to at least understand the physical process and how it happens, so he can understand the birth plan, options for pain relief etc.

I have a hunch he'll be totally into it once the baby is here.

Now I'm a totally over-researching person who reads everything going, and he's much more laid back, but he gets stressed if I push him to do things.

Any of you been in this situation and how did you get your dh/dp more involved?

sounds farily typical, I'm afraid! Don't worry, nothing like a screaming baby to focus the mind and get them wanting to work out how to silence it. Have you enrolled in any parenting classes? he'll probably find it easier to chat a bit with other dads-to-be less intense than with you, IFYKWIM.

My DH was very similar, and to be honest, I gave up trying to persuade him to get more involved. For most men pregnancy just isn't 'real', whereas for women it's a physical state that you can't escape from.

For what it's worth, my DH was absolutely brilliant during the birth of DS1, and this continued afterwards too. He wasn't burdened by any sense of what he 'should' be doing with the baby, he just got on with it in a way I envied.

Congratulations by the way! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy - and if he's not interested in names, just pick em yourelf (that'll no doubt spur him in to action...)

do you have antenatal classes booked? worth him going to the labour one.

dh didn't really click in until I was fairly close to due date tbh

had same problem when i got preggers. hubby was interested etc but not same as me. this is normal-dont forget, baby is growing in you not him so it wont feel real yet. are you starting to show?? my hubby has never even felt the baby kick as it freaks him out (only cos its in my tum!!) having said that - he has attended all antenatal classes despite being the only bloke there and has vast knowledge of labour and birth. he may just surprise you. try talking about the baby in a jokey way. this worked for me. suggest silly names for him/her and he may join in. this is not classed as mocking your child!!! it will get him to open up and talk to you.

Agree about antenatal classes, if he'll go. I know some people hated theirs but ours were brilliant (I'm 35 wks now) and dh did find it helpful talking to other dads. For me it is important that dh knows about pain relief, stages of labour, and what happens in hospital, so that he is in more of a position to know what is going on when it happens, how best to help and if need be stick up for me (seems to be necessary sometimes with hospital birth!). I've kind of tasked him with that role which seems to have given him a focus - kind of a project to research. It may be that your dh just feels a bit at sea and doesn't realise he can be much practical use.

I've a similar situation, DH won't read the books etc but a) cos it freaks him out a bit (and he has admitted to being very moved by stories of births) and b) he's dyslexic so gets no enjoyment from reading.

Earlier on, when he was struggling to understand how/why I was feeling certain ways (like terrible sense of smell), I'd just ask him to read a particular paragraph.

I agree with the advice about getting him to ante-natal classes (my DH didn't want to go, but I informed him it wasn't optional, however it was him that convinced me to have a baby!) and choosing names yourself!!!

It's only recently for me that DH has started feeling that it's real with my growing bump and feeling it kick, hearing the heartbeat etc. I'm sure he'll be great, but it would be nice for you if he could share some of the pregnancy joy with you.

Message withdrawn

Sonds like my DP!!! We're on our second and he wasn't particularly intrigued by the first (but loves DD to bits now she's here) and the second seems to be even worse really. It makes me feel sad because i'm already attached to this little person in me and I feel he isn't.

And as for being supportive in labour- good luck, my DP fell asleep and snored! Taped the midwives tales which are on late on bbc 3, that will open his eyes to birth! I think make clear to him that you are apprehansive (or bloddy scared) about how you're going to cope during labour and he has to be your voice if you are unable to tell mw's etc what you wanted for your birth. That way he needs to know your birth plan and understand your ideas on how you'd like the birth of your baby to be. I asked DP if he'd cut the cord, to which he said 'no' he can't even watch Holby city...! But when DD was born and placed on me there he was scissors in hand and he had said to the mw he wanted to. I think from the minute I was pushing he knew that he was a Daddy and had to do things he maybe wasn't so keen on and that he had responsibility to a bubba. I'm sure your DH will too. I think men feel that in some way they are loosing their 'freedom'... where as we have for the whole nine months before the bubba is here!