Beyond upset or over sensitive?

[ilikebaking]

DH and I live with his parents, for support and while we save up a deposit, the plan is to move out in April next year.
I am 40+3 and am fed up, so have no idea if I am being a twat or not. HELP??
MIL went to do the shopping today and came back with a load of SMA ready made formula.
We have told her previously that I intend to EBF and even if I can't, there are 24 hour supermarkets that we can go to, if needs be. The baby won't starve if he isn't instantly given milk. Plus, I have a pump as well, so can try that.
She said she had a dream that the baby came, and we got him home and he wouldn't latch on, and everyone was panicking and the baby got sick- so today on a whim she bought some. You know, "just in case".
I feel undermined, and like I am a failure and I am ANGRY. REALLY FUCKING ANGRY.
I can't give birth 'on time', everyone is getting frustrated that the baby hasn't arrived yet and is directing at me (because you know, I don't want this baby out, DO I?!) and now I apparently won't even be able to feed my baby.
I don't know if I am okay to be sad or upset or if I am just massively over emotional.

Sounds like she means well and is just anxious to try to make sure all eventualities are covered.
Unless she is cramming all cupboards with bottles,teats and sterilisers?

You are fed up. She is anxious. You are going to drive each other mad. So both of you sit down on the sofa to guilt with a big bag of crisps to share and chill out.

YANBU but possibly also a bit hormonal.

I'd be fuming too, however don't let her undermine you. Just smile and nod, smile and nod. She's trying to help, she's all excited and she's a bit daft but I'm betting it's not meant maliciously.

Best of luck when babe comes along and in a few weeks she can use the formula as coffee whitener

If its any consolation my ds1 was 11 days late and I would have cheerfully throttled anyone who even LOOKED at me by that point!

I think she is just preparing but supermarkets aren't open 24 hours over a weekend!!

Stick to plan to bf but be comforted that something is ready if needed

No, put it in the bin in front of her and tell her to back the fuck off.

That's proper made me all hot round the hairline.

It is so crap going overdue. And living with your in-laws even if they are lovely would be stressful.

You are not a failure and I'm sure no-one around you thinks you are. I bet MIL is genuinely trying to be helpful (although WTF at I had a dream...). But it is up to you how you feed your baby.

Please don't look at ebf -v- ff as failure or success. I am bfing a toddler so I get that desire to ebf. The best chance you can give yourself is to arm yourself with knowledge of what normal baby behaviour is, where to go for help if you want it and believe in your own ability to decide what is best for your baby.

Is your dp supportive?

I am 31 wks pg with dc so may not be the rational voice you are looking for, however I would be outraged if I were you.

To buy one tin just incase may be ok and could be viewed as MIL being anxious and possibly - at a stretch - caring.

To buy lots because of a dream she had of you not being able to feed is bang out of order. To even tell you that she even had that dream (if she even did is a step too far, let alone going out to buy formula.

I would say she is undermining you.And that would worry me if I were in your shoes. Bf'ing can be difficult and it won't be made any easier by an interfering MIL shoving formula under your nose.

If it were me I would throw the formula out to make a stand that this wont be tolerated. But thats easier said than done for me as I don't have to live with her.

You don't have to use it you might be glad of it I certainly was 5am boxing day morning when DS was 3 days old and screaming endlessly because he was hungry.

She's trying to help in her own way.

I don't think hawkmoth's suggestion is particularly useful for anyone.

There's no need to be rude. It really does sound like she's just trying to help. Smile and nod and chuck it away when it goes out of date.

You are being a bit hormonal but as both of my DC were induced at 42 weeks I understand how fed up you are.

In 2 weeks, your baby will be here. Focus on that.

Try to think of it as her buying the milk for herself. She's had a bad dream and it's left her with anxiety, so she's bought milk to keep in the cupboard to calm herself down.
I agree with others- you are over sensitive but completely understandably so. She means no harm.

Oh...and even if you can't breastfeed when the time comes, it won't make you a failure. You need to get out of that mindset asap. If you want to and can, then brilliant. If you struggle, or just can't, or even simply decide you don't want to, then it really is no big deal.
Try to relax if you can.

I think it's fine. I bought some to chuck in the cupboard with all three. The one I needed it with was ds3 / having fed the other 2 without problem (ds2 for over 2 years, ds1 for over a year). That was a big surprise! It was one less thing to stress about when everything was going tits up with ds3.

If she hovers over you trying to give it to the baby when you're breastfeeding then that would be problematic but I don't see the problem with having cartons for emergencies in the cupboard.

Downdown - the OP says she bought ready made formula, not tins.
Most likely bought cartons so buying more than 1 carton makes sense as that is usually just 1 feed.

I think you're overreacting, yes. I mean sure - if she gets a funnel and forces it down your new baby's gullet, you can get REALLY FUCKING ANGRY.
Otherwise no.

Hope your little one comes soon xx

Oh and I've rocked up at a friends house to visit her newborn to find her husband having to feed the baby because she'd been rushed back into hospital in the middle of the night. He was trying to get the other kids doeted so he could get back in & could take the baby to her so she could feed her, but there was still quite a few hours where a newborn baby unexpectedly didn't have access to the breast. Having some just in case in the cupboard is a good idea IMO - it doesn't mean you have to use it.

I missed that bit pancake flipper.

It does make sense to have some in the cupboard just incase, I was picturing tins and tins of SMA

Like I said 31 wks pg with dc3 - I will not be the most rational person on thos thread. Ignore me!

Downdown - in my experience my rationality departed for a very long vacation even after birth. In fact still waiting for it. Enjoy your irrational pregnancy and hope baby arrives timely, well and gorgeous.

Thanks everyone, I DO think I over reacted a bit. At least I did it in private and didn't start crying in front of her.
I do think my MIL was anxious herself, as my BIL had serious feeding issues and did nearly die, so she is a bit messed up re: baby feeding.
Getting the milk in came from a good, albeit anxious and annoying, place.
It has no bearing on my ability or want to breastfeed.
Not long after posting I was crying because I ordered the wrong wiper blade for the car and couldn't get a candle to light.
Dh has gone a bit menstrual about it, saying it is going straight in the outside bin etc when he gets in from work, and it has sort of put how little a deal it is into perspective.
It is just milk, not a veiled dig at us as parents or my abilities. MIL wanted to ease her anxieties and she has. I am just going to ignore it, unless of course, I end up using it!

Quite. Good for you. xxx

Well done, OP :)

Well done OP :)

I'm sorry OP. I had a proper trigger when I read your first post.

Please try not to think of success and failure when it comes to BF. I did myself a lot of damage over it. I've mix fed three babies. First two because they were ill, third because I was ill. Your post took me back four years to when DS was jaundiced, poorly and unable to latch. I'm sure it won't be like that for you

My nan came round the other day as she had "bought something for the baby" - when I opened the packaging it was a set of Tommy Tippee bottles - she knows full well I intend to breast feed The stupid thing is that I'm only 22 weeks pregnant she also bought me a kiddy seat for the toilet ready for when we start toilet training, haha Nothing like being prepared for something that isn't going to happen for another 3 years....

I just graciously thanked her, accepted her gifts and put them in the spare room. I'm sure she had good intentions!

Even if you were being overly emotional I think you being fed up and overdue is a very good reason for being so stressed and on the ceiling - I hope your baby puts in an appearance very soon

actually I don't think you're being unreasonable at all.

I didn't want formula in the house when I had ds2 because I didn't want to be tempted to use it if we were struggling. I knew if we needed it we'd be able to get some from somewhere.

I also think that if they are undermining you before the baby is even here then it could potentially be even worse when s/he arrives!
If you DO end up struggling to feed, what you do NOT need is someone saying "let me just give baby a bottle, i've got the stuff right here".

i would bin it.

She meant well, don't bin it for heavens sake if you don't end up using it can't you take unopened formula to a food bank? If you end up using it you'll be glad you had it.

I tied myself in knots over breastfeeding, cried more tears over that than anything else in my life. It took about six weeks but we got there. I'm sure you will too.

Best of luck to you and I hope it's not too much longer now :)

Writer - you often need bottles when breastfeeding anyway - for expressed breast milk.