Feeling disheartened about being pregnant now.

[Writerwannabe83]

Currently 21 weeks. I'm so sorry for the length of the post but I'm feeling low and need to get it off my chest.

I have two pre-existing health conditions and had a lot of pre-conception counselling/advice from my Consultants so I knew what risks I'd be taking with my own health if me and DH chose to get pregnant. We were very lucky in that we I fell pregnant our first month without contraception but because it all happened so fast it became a very quick reality that we'd taken the risk and there was nothing I could do about it anymore. I had the usual gripes during the first 20 weeks but had 3 scary episodes of unexplained bleeding which didn't help with the stress but we were just so grateful the baby was ok.

I saw my Consultant two days ago and I just broke down in tears to both her and the midwife. I have been off work for 12 weeks because of my complications, I'm hardly getting any sleep due to restless legs, insomnia, heartburn and lying awake worrying about my health and the future. It all just came to a head when I was asked, "How are you feeling?" I just couldn't keep it together. The midwife mentioned pre-natal depression but I reassured her that I'm not depressed, just overwhelmed and scared.

I then had the bad news during the appointment that although the baby is absolutely fine both my health conditions have become unstable and the risks I had been warned about but had kind of hoped wouldn't happen to me are now in full force. I've had to be referred to further Specialists, changes have had to be made to my current medical management and am also waiting to be started on another form of medication. I've got to go back to see my Consultant on Wednesday and they may need to admit me to hospital. I've also been signed off work for another month minimum but I think it's pretty likely I won't go back at all. Have also been told it's very likely I will need a c-section. I have also been warned off the difficulties I will face after the baby is born and it all seems such a hurdle.

I won't go into the long and boring details but if one of my conditions does not stabilise then it has the potential to cause huge negative changes to my life.

I'm just so overwhelmed and so tearful all the time. I'm so glad the baby is ok but at the same time I'm so angry that I'm having to go through all this. Research has shown that women with difficult pregnancies are less likely to bond with their babies and I'm petrified that this might happen to me.

Prior to getting pregnant some family members told me I was irresponsible for even considering it and it wasn't a very positive atmosphere. I'm pretty sure they are now thinking I'm just getting what I deserve

Has anyone else had a really crap pregnancy but at the end of if thought, "It was all worth it!"

I just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel and I can't picture in my head a time where the baby arrives and everything is ok

Writer I'm so sorry you're feeling like this, and that your conditions have become unstable. Not the same sort of thing, but I suffered badly with antenatal depression when I was having DS and I was terrified that I wouldn't bond with him, it would develop into PND, that life would never be the same ( in a bad way). For me these worries were entirely unfounded - he was born and I had such an incredible rush of love for him, and that has never changed (he's nearly 3 now!) and the depression lifted when I had him so no PND.

Can I suggest that you start looking into practical options for helping you once baby arrives, it will make you feel like you're doing something productive. Have a look at Homestart to see if they work in your local area, they will come and help you around the house a little or simply come out and keep you company for a bit, I know a lot of people who have benefitted from them.

Do your health problems mean you are restricted physically? If not then try to be getting out and about every day, doing as much as you can without over facing yourself. Last pregnancy I did a lot of sitting around at home and really struggled to sleep, this time I have to be out a lot with my toddler and am sleeping fine. The less you do during the day, the worse you will sleep at night.

Oh and trust me, there is light at the end of the tunnel, it will all be worth it once baby is here

Hey, I can't say I know how you feel because I don't. I have no other health conditions and pregnancy and the thought of motherhood has been scary for me!
I had a friend however who had a couple of health conditions and also suffered with hyperemisis the whole 9 months and she had such a rough time, she hardly ate and was on many drugs and at times she was suicidal. But she had a tremendous support of friends and family and midwives and drs that she got through it to have a healthy 9lb baby (which no one could believe!) and is now a doting mum and since then everything has gone back to how she was before In terms of her health. It's a long ride but you can get there and I bet ya that you will be a fab mum and you have many happy times ahead! Wish you all the best.

That must be so daunting OP. Take care and just keep going. Gentle hugs.

Thank you everyone for your support and reassurance. I'm feeling a little bit better this morning actually, I think I've had time to digest and accept the news and am just going to take things a day at time. I know now my pregnancy isn't going to be the easiest and I will have a c-sec, but so what, as long as my little boy arrives safely then that's the only thing that really matters anyway.

Rockchick - I'm dying to do something with myself but one of my issues is that my heart isn't coping too well with the pregnancy and am under instruction to completely rest and not to do anything that may increase my heart rate. I'm so bored!!

It will be worth it. 19 weeks is nothing, tho I know how slowly it goes when you're tired and pregnant. Sorry you have all the other crap to deal with tho.