Is it ever acceptable to say

[PollyParanoia]

I'm 20 weeks pg and a friend/"friend" has just said to me "you're so huge, everyone can't believe it's not twins. Are you sure you're not having twins?". To which, I could only say, well I've had three scans so yes I am pretty sure. When I suggested to her that it's really quite a rude thing to say, she was all shocked as she thought I'd be pleased (?!) She is about a month less pg than me and doesn't put on weight in pregnancy (in fairness because she's throwing up all the time), so maybe (benefit of the doubt being given here) in some strange way she's envious of my hideous bulk.
Am still fuming, evidently.
PP

well have to say i've experienced both sides with my 2 ds i was huge(could sit my dinner plate on my belly) but with dd even at 8 1/2 months could still get into my jeans. just found out this morning expecting no 4 fingers crossed i get massive cos loved every minute of it.

Asur, as with bump comments, people just (generally) like babies.

I like it when people talk to DS and think it would be a shame if no one ever spoke to each other unless they knew each other.

Agreed its usually drivel but thats how people get to know each other.

Want do we want? 'Ooo, what position did you conceive in?', or 'Do you manage to have sex often now that you have a new baby?'

i didn't have any 'touhers' when pregnant, probably because i was know as the 'chunder wonder' at my work! i was huge all over, massive water retention, but i loved any opportunity to talk about my baby - after years of ttc, it was so nice to be 'in the club' i didn't want anything else. i do understand that people also like just to carry on as normal, but for me it was a real comfort, to know that i was pregnant & 'normal'.

Yes, comments involving the word "fat" arent particularly "funny". I didnt mind so much people pointing out the obvious to me, I did have a huge bump and after 5 months started retaining water in any part of my body that didnt move for more than 2 minutes.

Even the mw's asked me if i was having twins.

I think what i really disliked was the fact that every single human being on the planet would and did comment on my size when they saw me, and yet when i got on the underground/train i very suddenly turned invisible. Amazing that, isnt it?

I had a very strange experience the other day when a coming home late at night. I was waiting for friends to buy some milk at the shop when a man came up to me and said oh you are pregnant... grabbed my belly, rubbed it a bit then announced that it was going to be a boy. Then he kissed my tummy said I looked beautiful and walked off!! Blimey!! The thing that annoys me more than people touching my bump is people constantly asking if we know if it is a boy or girl. (we do know but, think it is better to wait until the baby is born instead of spoiling the suprise) We didnt want to know but couldnt help but see on the scan!! People dont take no for an answer especially if they know I am a midwife. Friends included. They find it hard to believe I didnt see the sex on the scan and go on and on about it. Even when I insist we don't know. Why do people feel they have to know? The same goes for names although this is easier to fend. A friend told me to keep the name a suprise as otherwise people will pass you their opinion (good or bad). What really matters if if we like the name. Everyone else will get used to it.

OMG Tarzan, I'd have flipped! I only had to slap one or 2 hands as they reached out to touch my bump and I think word got around (acquaintances, not friends, who at least ask - generally). I've heard people passing comment on names (usually negative ones) so I agree it's worth keeping schtum!

This really annoyed me, too, whilst preggers - I'm only 5' 2", so any bump looks big!! People felt it was free reign to pass judgement on the size of the bump, tell me I'd put on loads of weight (I didn't actually and was only a stone heavier at the end of 9 months!!!) and pat my belly without asking (didn't mind good friends, but did mind the work colleagues and strangers).

As for the sex of the baby, we decided not to know and have the surprise on the day, but people then kept asking as they couldn't believe we didn't want to find out. Then they'd spend their time guessing and saying they'd be disappointed if they had a girl, etc...

The names thing was an issue - people kept giving their opinions about ones we really liked so in the end made something stupid up to give them something to talk about, while we just called the baby what we wanted in the end!!

It's not that I don't appreciate that people aren't excited, it's just that people tend to be quite rude about your size, invade your personal space and feel that they can give you opinions on everything to do with babies (and that still hasn't stopped, even tho ds is 5 months!!!). It was also horrendous to hear everyone's birth stories (some quite horrific) before you've gone through it yourself, too.

My sympathies - just try to remember that as long as you and the baby are well, none of it really matters...

Most people at School tell me i'm 'neat or 'compact' but a Mum the other day told me there's no way i'd be going another 8 weeks (she used to be a midwife and apparently assesses bumps) and another told me i'm a breeding machine.
I think people always comment on your bump, it's just human nature.
The windowcleaner always gets my goats with jibes about contraception and the like. He is a sweetie really but that that overly familiar crudeness does my head in and IT WAS PLANNED

Actually thanks to all your messages, I'm feeling much more positive about the whole twins remark and my veritable hugeness. If I have, eg, two or three children, then you'll only be looking pregnant for max year and a half of my whole life. So rather than feeling ashamed of large bump, I reckon I should just enjoy it and feel rather sorry for those who stay all neat and tidy and non-getting-of-seat-on-tube until they're just about to pop.
Rejoice in bumpiness!
PP

Angeliz that is so funny you say people ask if it was planned....It amazed me how many people asked that as their first question, even though I have been with my partner for 6 years and we are married!!!

no it's deeply rude
when people used to say this to me I'd just retort 'No, I'm just fat and have eaten too much'

that usually shut them up
people feel the need to comment on every blimming aspect of pregnancy, you have to try and rise above it and smile serenely.

I didn't mind with my first probably due to the whole novelty thing, then it has become more tedious - I am now on Preg No3.
Last week when I came to work after a few days off, skinny girl in office commented loudly 'oh my God when did you get sooo big?' I was really embarrassed - as I was 16 + wks at the time. I said something about it looking bigger depending on what you wear. But I get very irritated by it and it is also surprising how many bump touchers come out of the closet. Very strange having your tum felt by someone you only pass the time of day with. I feel very protective of my bump so not sure I like it.

I didn't mind with my first probably due to the whole novelty thing, then it has become more tedious - I am now on Preg No3.
Last week when I came to work after a few days off, skinny girl in office commented loudly 'oh my God when did you get sooo big?' I was really embarrassed - as I was 16 + wks at the time. I said something about it looking bigger depending on what you wear. But I get very irritated by it and it is also surprising how many bump touchers come out of the closet. Very strange having your tum felt by someone you only pass the time of day with. I feel very protective of my bump so not sure I like it.

everyone says it to me too. am preg with no2 who is predicted to be about 11lb.
i work in a high street bank and a very good and valuable cust said to me the other day' are u sure its not twins? ' in my hormonal state i retorted 'fuck off' to which he laughed, after a short silence during which i crapped myself.

i usually retort
'yes i am huge and pregnant, whats your excuse?!'

Big bumps,small baby!!!!!!! I wasn't pissed off with the "sure it isn 't twins?" comments in my first pg, but they didn't start till I was about six/seven months. This time they started a few weeks ago and I'll quite annoyed already(16 wks at moment!)I know I shouldn't but AAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH! That's better!

Then in first pg I had a baby who started off a decent size and shrank, then grew slower than the (bl**dy) charts so then I got the "oh he's very small isn't he?" A fellow mum said "he was really premature wasn't he?" a few weeks ago. He was two weeks over due! He's almost three and I remember his dinky stage with love. He's gorgeous and so is my current stretchmarked wobbley bump!
People are just trying (and failing) to be NICE. that or my work mates have a deathwish.

I've now started stating "I just carry my pregnancies quite obviously" (Like I'm some sort of expert!!!!)

I've had many comments on my size! im 30 weeks and one of our friends said a couple of weeks ago ' how many weeks again are u?' to which i replied through gritted teeth, '27' she pulled a funny face which really annoyed me! then the mother in law started a few weeks ago saying 'your not that big for 27 weeks, but u was a pettie girl before you was pregnant, wasnt u?' that really annoyed me. luckily my midwife reassured me im a perfect size and baby is perfect size aswell. i dont think people think before they open their mouths! so im ready for the next person who questions my size!!!!

no never - I was huge with dd2 and it got to the point where I had to grit my teeth and hold my hands to stop thumping the next person who said that to me.

I also had to opposite with dd1 - did not really look pregnant and so people would be asking me if I was pregnant, small bump etc.

Hi PollyParanoia, i like your calculation that you'll only be pregnant for a tiny bit of your life. try to enjoy the bump because it's very easy to forget how it feels once you've given birth.
i use to fend off bump-touchers by getting my hands there before they did. i'd see them reaching out and cover it with both my hands, while saying something nice, and they would invariably pull their hands back.

Message withdrawn

I was big with my pregnancy but did have a 'neat' bump if that's what you can call it. It never bothered me when people said I was huge and friends having a feel didn't bother me either. What did bother me was people saying is it your first? oh well he will definitely be late then. I was adament he would be early and he was so ha!!

I was enormous, people thought it must be twins
Dd 6.5 months still pretty large
I'm just so happy she's here and healthy, that's all that matters

I was HUGE with last DD and she was huge when born. TBH I really liked the fact that I DID look like there was more than one baby in there! For me it meant that she was healthy and growing well. I have worried when pregnancies haven't been as big as previous ones. I was always thinking about whether the baby was getting enough nourishment from me.
We all carry our babies differently. I know a woman who gave birth to her 3rd in the spring. she had a really small, very bizare- shaped bump. It didn't really look like a pregnancy bump. The baby was fine and about 7lb.

If I get called "fat bird" one more time, I will stab the offending GIT .