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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Should I go on maternity leave very early? (Long, sorry)

12 replies

PigletsProblem · 13/11/2013 14:40

Have NC for this because I'm worried someone from my work will recognise me.

I am pregnant with DC2 and have informally told my work I want to take my maternity leave on the 23rd December when I'll be 33 weeks. I now want to start the leave as soon as possible.

The back story is that I returned from my maternity leave with DS in September. At this time I moved department completely, to a different role in a different office in a different location within the same company. I wanted this as it meant I could go p/t and made my commute much shorter. However I have found it so difficult to settle in. I am left out of staff discussions (in an open plan office this is excruciating - I try to cheerfully join in but it's horrible), my ideas and way of doing things are not agreed with (which I am fine with, everyone's tackles things in their own way, but my techniques are openly derided) and going p/t has meant that I am constantly trying to prove myself in a very short amount of time each week.

I suppose it didn't help that someone from within their office didn't get the position I was appointed to and as soon as I started I had to inform them I was (unexpectedly) pregnant.

We had a training day away last week and it brought home to me how isolated and miserable I am in this job. Someone who I work with closely commented how much upheaval it would be for them when I go on maternity leave and I replied that that was a shame. They said that's ok there's nothing you can do about it now, and another colleague chipped in with well, you could have kept your legs shut earlier. It was meant as "joke" and I laughed, but it wasn't funny.

I can't speak to my line manager as they are all friends and socialise together, I really think it would just make life harder for me.

I have cried to told DH about it, and he said I should just "clock in" the next 5 weeks. But then he asked legally when could I start ML, I looked in to it and discovered I could actually start next week. Although I would hate it to look like I am running away, which I am, it is so tempting to leave. What do you think? I guess they don't need a reason why I'm doing this but they will all ask. I wondered how bad it would be embellish a kidney complaint I have which can be exacerbated by pregnancy. I hate lying, but I have no loyalty to these people.

I am also very worried I have ruined my career which I have worked so hard for. I have no intention of returning to this job when my ML is over and I couldn't go back to my lovely old office without applying for a position if it came up, so I would have to apply for different jobs. And I don't expect I would get a glowing reference from my line manager.

Sorry that was long, thank you if you've made it this far. Also I am sorry to anyone reading this who has been forced to take early ML for genuine medical reasons.

OP posts:
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tsw · 13/11/2013 14:45

Have you spoken to your HR? It may be worth mentioning it to your doctor too if it is making you stressed.

For what it is worth, I am going on my own mat leave at 33 weeks. I am currently off sick with SPD & am, due to nasty pieces at work, hoping this gets extended to when my mat starts........

Just remember you & the baby come first!

Scheriously · 13/11/2013 14:47

You do exactly what you feel is right for you. If that "legs shut" comment had been made at me, I would've turned the air blue.

Maternity leave is maternity leave, health issues or not. And you being stressed out and run down is not good for you, your baby or your family. I'm leaving work in a few weeks (I'm 12 weeks) because they have been so unsupportive whilst I've struggled with HG. Yeah, it may affect my career, but me and my baby come first. Good luck x

1stTIMEmumTObe · 13/11/2013 14:57

I think you may have to give your employer 28 days notice.

FredFlintstonesSister · 13/11/2013 14:58

Remember you can take sick leave up to 4 weeks before your due date if you have to. After that, it will vount as maternity leave. I'm not suggesting you fake an illness, or even exaggerate your kidney condition, but stress is a real reason to take time off and if you think this applies see your GP.

greentshirt · 13/11/2013 15:05

Agree with Fred. Go off sick before you even think about starting maternity early. It makes me rage how people think it's ok to speak to other people!!

PigletsProblem · 13/11/2013 16:05

Thank you for your replies everyone. It's making me feel better that I'm not being unreasonable for wanting to leave soon. It is stressful being in this horrible position at work. I only work 2 days but it hangs over me and I worry about it all week. It is affecting the precious time I have at home with just me and DS too.

I've just done a bit of reading into their maternity policy. I do have to give notice but it doesn't seem to be 28 days, so sick leave may be an option if I feel it's affecting me badly. However, they are not keeping up their end of their policy - no risk assessment has been done, which should in fact have happened on two counts as soon as I started as it also applies to bfing mums and when I returned I was still bfing DS (which they knew) as well as being pregnant. I should also have been informed of/given a maternity pack which contains a form I need to fill in. None of this was done despite my asking what I need to do. I'm getting angry now as these are things I am entitled to for the sake of both my children and it hasn't happened. To top it off, I probably won't get to move too far from my informal date as by the time I've got this bloody pack and given the required notice it will be almost that date anyway. Grr.

OP posts:
Naomilouise1992 · 13/11/2013 16:35

Hey babe sorry ur feeling poop! I am actually off sick ATM iv got o the point of feeling so fed up....

I intended to work right the way up untill 36 weeks. Offered to work Xmas day and New Year's Day (I also worked last Xmas) and thinkin I'd be able to spend Xmas eve with my partners family and Boxing Day with my own. I was shocked when I went in and seen I was workin all full 12 hour shifts for all 3 days. So sent an email saying I was going on maternity leave on the 23rd. But feeling as fed up a I'm feeling iv had a sick note untill December 1st then got a week anual leave then iv asked to take mat leave I'll be 31 weeks pregnant then. Get it took and enjoy ur time off xxx

Naomilouise1992 · 13/11/2013 16:38

U can start ur mat leave from 10 weeks till due date so if u went off sick now when u can start ur work may just allow u to take ur mat leave instead of paying u sick, get the email sent in with ur mat b 1 form I did mine Monday recorded delivery xxxx

LGandPandnow3 · 16/11/2013 19:40

Hi - just to back up what previous people have said you should definitely go off sick and then early maternity in my opinion . I have different circumstances to you but work was adding to my stress ( in addition to a 2.5 hour commute 5hrs total a day!... and other stuff). I have been off for2 weeks sick due to exhaustion, cystitus, backache etc and am now on mat leave the earliest date possible which is at 29 weeks. Don't get me wrong I do feel guilty - especially when people comment that it is early etc... But honestly i cannot tell you how much better I feel. It has made a massive difference so that I actually don't go to bed at 7pm knackered and upset. I can sit down throughout day and just feel pregnant rather than ill! Do what's best for you but don't undersestimate how much differencebit will prob make in a positive way to you... Let us know what you decide! G luck.

williaminajetfighter · 16/11/2013 19:46

I went on mat lead at 32 weeks which seemed quite early but frankly I was exhausted and so tired, it just seemed the best thing to do. While I don't have a similar situation to me i was really disliking work and a new role and was grateful to leave when I did. I ended up wrapping a lot of work at home and had a lot to do - in the end only had a few 'free' weeks of just relaxing.

THere is no reward for working right up to your due date. Stay as long as it takes to wrap up your work then go....

TheDoctrineOfWho · 16/11/2013 19:48

When you came back in September, did you have accrued holiday,earnt on ML at the rate from when you were working 5 days a week? Or did you use it up?

sconeswithjam · 17/11/2013 01:39

That 'joke' comment was way out of line.

I don't think the kidney white lie would be the worst thing in the world - it's not like you'll gain personally from it, it just smoothes over a slightly awkward conversation.

Anyway, I'm watching with interest as I'm having a similar dilemma.

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