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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Abusive family want relationship with my expected child

31 replies

DocklandsBaby · 10/11/2013 23:46

In the last month, I have been verbally and emotionally abused by my mum and my young brother. I have been told to go fuck myself, rot in hell, and called selfish, immature, pathetic, stupid, and naive.

My husband is livid, and I feel very upset especially as any stress I suffer affects our unborn child. I'm usually forgiving of them as they are close family and I love them very much, but I'm struggling to forgive these occasions because I don't think it right to abuse pregnant women. I've previously been offended by pregnant friends and friends with babies, but never retaliated with abuse and always gone out of my way to make them feel better... it's a pretty hard time for any woman. My mum and brother seem to have no regard for the cortisol production they provoke, effecting my baby's bloodstream.

I feel like distancing our growing family from my mum and brother, as they are not good for my wellbeing and may be a very bad influence on my child. This includes affecting my baby's health while he grows in my womb for another 4 months.

Neither have called me to see how I am since this started, and my mum has asked that we do not contact her. Yet she expects to have a relationship with her new grandchild.

They have told me they think I would use my mum's first grandchild as a pawn in our dispute. This makes me feel very guilty - am I being selfish to withdraw their contact because of their recent behaviour, or making a difficult but correct decision for my household?

Should I put myself in the firing line again, in an effort to resolve the situation?

OP posts:
DocklandsBaby · 11/11/2013 17:30

Wow, I just went on FB to unfriend them both, and found out that my mum has already done this to me! Anyways, feel better now it's done. The reason I've been apprehensive about ending the relationship is knowing that I will grieve - feels like a self-inflicted loss, to decide to cut them off. What is better? Grieving over the loss of your mother and brother, or the stress and hurt I may well feel again (not just me, but my DH and our baby).

OP posts:
pumpkinsweetie · 11/11/2013 17:38

Well done op, for deciding to take that step. Just a shame they got there before you did, but atleast it is done now x

DontmindifIdo · 11/11/2013 17:48

oh the bright side, you know you'd feel guilty about de-friending them if you'd done it... Grin

PinkWitch803 · 11/11/2013 20:50

Walk away. It wouldn't be fair on you or your child.

Thumbwitch · 12/11/2013 04:54

Docklands, if it helps, look at it like this:
Your mum and brother are like a diseased arm. You could leave it, but the longer it's there, the more the disease is going to spread and the worse you're going to feel on a daily basis.
Or - you could amputate it which will immediately resolve the dangers from the leg, remove the pain and leave you feeling lighter. Yes, you're going to miss your "arm" but you can get on without it and life will be ok - plus you don't have the poison from the diseased arm seeping into the rest of your body any more.

Hope that helps a bit.

DocklandsBaby · 12/11/2013 17:28

I found the Stately Homes thread, thanks. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1834279-But-We-Took-You-To-Stately-Homes-Survivors-of-Dysfunctional-Families?pg=22

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