Is it wierd that I'm not bothered if DH is at the birth of this baby??

[LadyTophamHatt]

and in acutal fact I'd quite like it if he was't there??!!

I hate being fussed and faffed over. Really hate it in fact and I end up just getting annoyed when people do faff around me.

DH is a Faffer when I'm in labour.
With Ds3's labour I had to keep barking orders at him to keep him occupied.
When Ds2 was born unexpectedly at home DH had gone to get my mum so wasn't with me for 90% of the labour and only got back as DS2 was born (Literally... Ds2 slid out as Dh was running up the stairs to our bedroom)

That sort of thing really appeals to me this time again.
I'm having another homebirth so if DH is at work and I go into labour I won't be able to phone him and could just call the MW and the labour with her.
DH could arrive home from work and his new son/daughter be born

I did mention that to him the other day and he didn't seem to bothered and if he was at work, driving a train miles from his depot he wouldn't be able to get home anyway. It's not like he could turn the train around and come home!!

Am i wierd to want to do it alone??
Obviously if DH is at home I couldn't ask him to go out....or could I?? would that be really outrageous?

I don't think it is weird at all just a personal preference and if he doesn't mind then go for it - even if it means banishing him to another room in the house until the last pushes!

A woman in our nct class did not want her dh there - she went to a posh jewellry shop and left them with a list of the items she liked - the deal was that when she was having the baby he would go and spend some money. She said she didn't want him to see her in a state of disarray

can't remember what happened.

I have never let my dh in on the labour from the start - would drive me mad - i do understand what your saying. I sent my dh back to work to finish off stuff ( I was 5cm dilated - it was to be a home birth and he worked 5 mins walk from home) ) . I also sent him out for a business meal when I suspected I was in l;abour with no 3 - he had no idea - had ot get him home before he got his meal though!!!
How does he feel about it? If he has no desperate desire to be there then go withit - a perfect solution for both of you

When I said it could all be over before he gets home from work he jsut said "yeah...it could be couldn't it" with a little laugh

there wasn't any hint of dissapointment in his voice.

lol

The only thing i would suggest you think about is that my dh really knew what my hopes and fears for the birth were etc. I told the midwives to view him asa my voice of reason when mine was gone!!

Luckily i had really straight forward births..as I hope you do, but just think about how you might feel if things were not going well and he wasn't there

OMG....he wouldn't have a clue about anything to do with labour. even if I wrote a10 piont plan for him he'd still mess it all up by fussing and faffing.

When I was in full blown labour with ds3, barely able to stand, and contractions constant, our dog was getting all stressed around me by feet ....DH didn't even notice until I said "Will you get that fu*king dog away from me before I kill it"

He really wouldn't have a clue unless I was telling exacly what to do.
Bless him.

sounds like your mind is made up. TBH I'm of the opinion that I wouldn't want it any other way..dh HAS to be there..! He was with the birth of dd and I want him there for the birth of our current baby (currently 10 weeks). Like apronstrings said, dh was my voice when I was in labour with dd and was brilliant. He didn't leave my side at all and was so supportive which I really did and still do appreciate. I really don't think I could have done it without his support..so what if he didn't give birth, or didn't know what to say or do BUT just being there was all I needed.

Other point is that I didn't really have a choice, dh sooo wanted to be there. There's no way I would deny him the chance to see his dd being born. But it's all personal choice. Good luck with whatever you decide. xx

dh was with me for ds1, but was useless until after the event, when he then became super organised.So this time, I really didnt want him. So instead of finding a babysitter for ds1, he stayed with him, and I had my friend as birth partner. Far far better all round.

Oh...don't get me wrong if he wanted to be there I'd never stop him....it's his baby too.

I'd just have to tie him to a chair and gag him before the labour really got going

My dh was aBROAD when I hadmy second.It was fine.Have no regrets about doing it alone (only m/ws present)

I HAD to have him there at the birth of DS but am not bothered either way if he is there at this 2nd one. Don't know why, but just not bothered.

LTH I felt the same - my DH always wants to "fix" things and was in a worse state than me both times

When I went into labour the second time I sent him off to work - didn't want him cluttering up the house all day and I thought it would be long again - it was only mild labour

He was there for the end stages in hospital but I was happy for him to take dd to my mother's for the evening (our for 2 hours) when I was in quite regular/painful labour - I was happy to be left alone and knew I could call an ambulance if things suddenly hurried along

I would be happy to do it alone with just a midwife the next time, although he was less panicky during the second labour, so hopefully he'd be better behaved a third time!

I didnt want dh to be there when i had dd and he didnt really want to be there either!! So, when they eventually decided i could go to labour room (at 6.5 cm dilated!!) they called him, he called my best friend (also a miwife) and he came. He stayed with me til i asked him to go, and she arrived just as I was starting to push. When she went to get him half an hour later he walked through the door, and just stopped dead in his tracks. Then he cried, as i was holding out our new born dd to him. Fantastic. Just the right amount of support from him, and her just when i needed the encouragement. Good luck.

I'm not sure if I'd want just me and midwife, but if I end up having a #3, then I am liking the idea of having friends instead of/as well as DH. TBH he didn't do a lot this time - last time he did hand holding for contractions, but I didn't want/need it so much this time.

I think most men are pretty useless tbh.I don't think it's really their fault tho.Dp was there for ds1 and bloody useless but he said he wouldn't have missed it for the world and got really emotional afterwards.

Ds2 i was on my own with the mw as he was at home with ds1.Much better as i wasn't having to think of anyone but myself.

dd,2 really close friends offered to be my birth partners and i accepted.It was so much better cos they knew how to really help me thru all the hard bits iyswim.

This time i'm having a homebirth and my mum will hopefully be there.Dp also will be there but more for looking after the kids and topping up pool etc.if its thru the night he may be there for the actual birth but who knows.He would like to be there especially as it's our last but tbh i don't really mind if he's there or not.

My dad managed to not only not be there for all three of our births, but managed to not even be in the same country! - my mum said she didn't mind, she felt she could get on with it without worrying about him (she said he'd be bl**dy hopeless anyway...)