20 week scan

[K8eee]

So I've got my 20 week scan on Monday and as most of you know you can find out the sex of the baby. What I'm wondering is; my dh wants to find out, but I don't. I've been told by a few family and friends that they won't tell you if the mum doesn't want to know. What are your experiences if you have come across this?

When we went for our 20 week scan that wouldn't tell us the gender until we both said we wanted to know. The sonographer specifically asked us both individually!

*they not that!

I didn't think I wanted to find out the sex whereas my husband was really keen to find out. In the end I decided that I wasn't too fussed either way and seeing as it was something he was really excited about, we decided to find out.

As soon as I was told that I was having a little boy the pregnancy suddenly became 100% more real. I wasn't just 'having a baby' but instead our little son was growing inside me. It was a really weird feeling that I can't describe at all but it was the most amazing moment. My hubby had tears in his eyes and I started crying and it was just lovely.

I'm so glad we decided to find out because I love knowing that I have a mini version of my husband wiggling around inside me. I can now spend hours imagining the nursery and our future and where me and hubby will take our little boy for day trips out etc etc I know it sounds insane, but everything is so much more real now.

We discussed it prior to going for the scan. DP didn't want to know and I did.

I think I decided to go with his thoughts on it as the pregnancy was very much "all about me !" and actually having a 'surprise' turned out to be fun and you get to read both parts of the baby name books.

So when asked at the scan it was an agreed decision. I'd try and sort this out before the scan as there's only so much time and you don't want to miss out on seeing baby in action by having a tiff.

They can never be 100% sure and some hospitals won't tell you anyway. My baby didn't want to be scanned so I have to go back again in 2 weeks for them to do the heart assessment. Last time DS wouldn't help so I had to walk about and wait for a while, but he moved.

I guess I'm saying don't get too excited about finding out, as you might not be able to! The scan is about checking for foetal abnormalities and the sexing is incidental so may not happen.

I do know someone who asked the sonographer to write down the sex - I think they took paper, pen and envelope with them, which the sonographer did! They opened it later after they had decided they did want to know.

My friend found out what they were having without his DW knowing. She had to consent but the sonographer told him after DW had left the room.

Not sure how he managed to keep it a secret from her for all that time though!

A colleague of mine didn't want to know but her husband did. The sonographer wrote it down for him and he looked later on. Amazingly he managed to keep it secret all the way through the rest of the pregnancy without my friend finding out.

I didn't find out with both my pregnancy and loved the 'what is it?' after all the pain and pushing! I found that not knowing seems to be the minority these days. I personally (before I get shot down in flames) don't agree with finding out unless there is a good reason (medically) to know. I'm not a god freak but we're not meant to know and it smacks of impatience if you do find out. It like these 3D/4D scans - why? You're about to meet your baby in a few weeks, can you really not wait??

But that's just me. And I liked the fact that my DH and was the one to tell me if we had jut had our daughter or son. Well, 2 daughters in our case!

All the best Angus for a safe and speedy delivery!! Yay for team yellow!!

It's just the best!

At my hospital they won't tell you unless you both want to know but it must vary as my cousin did t want to know but ehr husband did so they wrote it down put it in am envelope so he knows and she doesnt!

Baby due in a few weeks and he has kept it a secret!

Fwiw we had a surprise for the first three, then we decided to find out for no 4.

We weren't going to find out fro no 5 but the sonographr had s really good view of the gender so we changed our min and did find out, I a, glad we did as it was a girl after four boys and a bit of a shock.

However if we ever have another we woudltn find put, its lovely having a surprise :)

I'm adamant I really don't want to know. Hopefully dh can compromise or keep a secret for the next 20 weeks!

Do they do any other blood tests or screenings on you at 20 weeks?

My hospital will not tell you at all, you have to go private round here. Apparently this is changing in more and more places. Suited us as we didn't want to know

I have mine in 3 weeks time and I wasn't wanting to find out. But my hubby does, he's does so much for me so I think he deserves to get his way on this.

I tell ya what if he knew but I didn't it wouldn't last long as I hate being out the loop lol

I think if your hubby knew and you didn't you would end up begging him to tell you lol

Like the other ladies said just being able to picture a girl or boy rather than a baby makes it so much more real

I'm excited for you I can't wait for my scan x

I know some couples who weren't planning on finding out but then the sonographer has said something like "her head" when showing the scan so then they have asked to find out! But they are pleased about it.

We didn't find out with first, never regretted that decision, it was amazing that at the end of such a really crap birth we felt we were given the most amazing Christmas present ever. Found out with my second, DH didn't want to know so went out of room. I never gave in and told him. I must admit I felt terribly disappointed with myself that I knew, it kind of took the edge off the whole thing despite having the gender I was desperate for. Currently having DC 3, we have just found out at a scan at 31 weeks. We have been adamant in telling people we don't know sex this time and that is really special.
Just me an DH know but we tell people who ask that we didn't find out. Even DC don't know.
It is a very personal decision, the best advice I would offer is yes, find out if you want but do not feel you have to share that info.
I hate the elements of pregnancy where people feel it is ok to comment on how big/small you are, how tired you look, etc etc. People will know soon enough what you have, don't feel you have to share.