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Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

Original poster

41 pregnant and scared due to ectopic and miscarriage

18 replies

Sammc1878 · 28/10/2013 22:25

Hi I am new to mum's net and am feeling very anxious and worried right now. I found out yesterday that I am pregnant and am totally shocked - I am still not even sure that I want the baby as I have spent the last 4.5 years getting over first an ectopic pregnancy where I lost a tube and then 6 months later getting pregnant again only to find out that 12 week scan that the baby had died and I had a missed miscarriage - I then went through most horrible experience with tablets and bled for 2 months after.
Only this summer I had more or less told my husband that I was happy as I was and didn't want a baby
I have also been having a health scare where I have got to have an MRI scan in two weeks
Anyway I went the local maternity hospital early preg unit today as I was having horrible cramps worse where I had the surgery so they are scanning me tomorrow to see if there is any possibility that it could be ectopic but I will have also have bloods done too I think
I'm also scared that I am too old and that I'm going to be a rubbish mother
Has anybody else been in a similar situation?
It's been a horrible year - I lost my dog suddenly in March who was with me during my last miscarriage
My husband really wants the baby and thinks I am just scared due to the past

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ScabbyOozingCarbuncle · 28/10/2013 23:14

Firstly, breathe.
Its horrible, the fear and worry after previous problems, have a huge {{{{hug}}}} good things do happen after bad. Chances are that everything will be fine.
You just need to take each day as it comes, and deal with each worry as it happens. Everyone says that it's out of your control now, and its bloody annoying, but its also true.

Come on over to the Posifrickentivity, pg after mc thread here in 'pregnancy'. Its a long running, climb aboard and join the fray thread, and everyone is in the same boat. Its great for hand holding and support. Everyone is very understanding.

ScabbyOozingCarbuncle · 28/10/2013 23:15

And you won't be a rubbish mother. Youll be just fine!

SecretWitch · 28/10/2013 23:22

Honey, I had my third child at 42. You are not too old. She is now a bright healthy 6 year old. Ofcourse, only you can decide how to proceed with the pregnancy, but I assure you many of us had healthy over 40 pregnancies and deliveries. Please continue to seek support here. There are so many lovely mums on this board. Flowers

Original poster
Sammc1878 · 29/10/2013 08:43

Thank you for all your kind comments - I'm just very confused and scared at the moment xx

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Foxeym · 29/10/2013 08:44

Hi I had my DC3 2 weeks ago and I'm 42, you won't be a rubbish mother, I can honestly say I had a better pregnancy etc with him than I did with my DD's in my twenties, you'll be fine!

ScabbyOozingCarbuncle · 29/10/2013 09:21

I hope your scan goes well today. xx

123bucklemyshoe · 29/10/2013 09:42

My mum was 42 when she had me (im a twin) & in many ways I was grateful to have older parents. I hope all ok. Whatever you decide it will be right for you.

delphi13 · 29/10/2013 12:37

I had an ectopic last year so I know how scary it is. I'm 10 weeks pregnant now and although it isn't ectopic I am more paranoid than I think I would have been about something going wrong. The good thing about the EPU is that they are very good at handling people that have got a sad history with pregnancies so if everything goes well with the scan today they are usually quite accommodating at doing further reassurance scans if you get panicky before your 12 weeks scan.

You'll be a great mum I'm sure. You're probably just scared of believing that it could go ok and will relax into it.

If the scan is fine can you really imagine not continuing with the pregnancy. If you can then that's a decision you have to take, if you can't then you are just having nerves about it which you'll get over.

Best of luck.

ScabbyOozingCarbuncle · 29/10/2013 15:00

How did it go Sam?

SecretWitch · 30/10/2013 15:57

Hi Sam, just popping by to see how you are doing..hope things are going well Flowers

pammy73 · 30/10/2013 15:59

I just joined mums net today so I could reply. I know totally how you feel as I am 39 and pregnant for the first time and also suffered a missed miscarriage last year which I chose to have operation to remove. I also thought because of my age I wouldn't be a mum and had accepted this. When I realised I was pregnant I went to my docs who referred me for an early scan at 6 weeks, I had small bleed at 7 weeks and my local hospital said to go straight up and scanned me again - still a heartbeat there thank goodness! My baby has died at 7 weeks the last time and this is all I could think off :-( I am getting another scan on Friday at 10 weeks then again at 12 weeks. I totally get how scared you are - I am continually scared and as my scan gets closer the more anxious I get incase I hear the dreaded words again - Hopefully all will be well and I can relax in another few weeks. Hope everything went OK for you yesterday xx

GooFawkes · 30/10/2013 21:15

Hi, I had a missed miscarriage in 2006 after already having a son. I went on to have 2 healthy daughters, the second when I was 41.

Everything you have said is completely normal and understandable.

Keep talking to us, there is loads of support. I only wish I'd found mumsnet sooner.

Original poster
Sammc1878 · 02/11/2013 11:24

Hi all
Sorry I've not been on but long story short when they did my scan they couldn't find a baby but did see something on my ovary they were worried about - because of my history and as I was having some pain the admitted me {shock}
They let me out Thursday due to my HCG levels doubling but cannot rule out another ectopic pregnancy so I'm having another scan next Thursday with strict instructions to go to the ER room if any pain or concerns
I just don't know what to think anymore my head is in bits

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Original poster
Sammc1878 · 04/11/2013 18:00

Today I have been getting some weird stabbing pains underneath me - they are more like up my vagina and bum (upwards in directionn of my head) is this normal?

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delphi13 · 07/11/2013 12:48

I hope that things are ok Sam. I've had a few of those pains and everything is normal for me. Hope your scan goes well today, I know how nerve racking it is. How many weeks are you?

Bakingtins · 07/11/2013 13:39

Hope your scan goes well today, Sam. I am 39 and pregnant after 3 consecutive miscarriages (I also have 2 sons) and can completely relate to the panic about putting yourself back in the firing line. I have a scan today too, hope we both get good news. One day at a time, and another recommendation for the preg after MC thread to help you through.

livingzuid · 07/11/2013 13:47

Hi Sam I totally relate. Every ache and pain is subject to intense scrutiny. I currently have one over my pubic bone after sitting scrunched up on the train! A few days ago I had aches across my back all the way down through my but and legs. And shooting pains, throbs, aches through your vagina are very common indeed. Alarming though they are! I got them a lot at the start and am 10 weeks now. The thread for posifrigitivity is awesome. Wishing you all the best.

Original poster
Sammc1878 · 16/11/2013 21:14

Hi ladies
Sorry not updated in a while - the scan last week was ok - they saw a sac and yoke in the right place
This week I had another scan where I was supposed to be able to see a heartbeat but they couldn't - they saw a possible fetal pole but basically told me that it doesn't look good
I'm back in for a scan Thursday and they are going to do measurements and hope to see growth and heartbeat
I've felt nausea last few days so I'm hoping for best - it's so hard having to wait e

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