Could someone remind me why this is a good idea?

[Elastigrrrl]

As a first timer (9+1), I'm reading a couple pregnancy books helpfully suggested by ladies here, including the Mumsnet one. Though highly informative, they are chock full of horrible things that happen to you whilst pregnant! Lumpy vulva veins and piles and something agonising called SPDU...to say nothing of stretch marks that make women cry! They give no sense of how common these are, so it just sounds like I will get them all. And, oh yeah, what sounds like traumatisingly painful birth and the terror of something going wrong...

Up till now I have been relatively lucky with just low-level generalised nausea, tiredness and an appetite for carbs and sugar that would shock Dr Atkins. But I'm not enjoying our hoped-for pregnancy at the moment as I'm too anxious about all these eventualities. I have few friends with little ones so can't just pick them up and remind myself how wondrous children are. have you got any other tips for cheering up about the whole business? (Other than 'buck up'...sorry, struggling to though I know I should).

Thank you!

Please don't stress about everything you are reading and when looking at forums and things note that when people have straight forward pregnancies they don't bother talking about them because it's boring.
Your pregnancy sounds similar to my last one (and my current one but am only 8 weeks), low level nausea, not sick once, craving for carbs. The only issue I had during my whole pregnancy was heartburn and my little girl was born on her due date after a 5 hr labour.
It's really not so bad honestly!

Stretch marks depends on the person, my friend has had 4 pg last 1 twins and does not have a single stretch mark still a size 4/6 with perfect flat stomach never had any problems pg wise other than bloods while giving birth, me, I'm covered in them from dc1 now pg with dc5 and iv had loads of problems. Morning sickness, pgp, spd, gestational diabetes ect ect, but I would do it a million times over for my kids, hard as it is going through it, they make it worth it.

My DC are 14 and 7, so it is a long time since I was pregnant, but I do remember how bloody awful I felt. However, it didn't last forever (although it felt like it at the time) and it was all worth it for my boys.

If I were you, I would stop reading about what can happen to everyone during pregnancy and childbirth. None of it may happen to you. I was terrified of having a really painful birth (thanks to scare stories) and I ended up not even needing pain relief. It really wasn't that bad and I wished I hadn't spent years worrying about it.

Hopefully, your hormones will kick in soon and make you feel all relaxed anyway. I was so relaxed after the initial sickness wore off that I wished I could bottle the feeling and keep it.

I remember feeling like this when I had my bfp and picked up all those books the midwife gives you and I have just one thing to say - PUT THOSE BOOKS AWAY!

Seriously they just cause more panic and worry than excitement. I am now 7 months and can honestly say the 2nd trimester has been brilliant - lots of good stuff to look forward to!

Cuddles with newborn, holding that little person in your arms for the first time, giving a newborn a bath - excitedly waiting for your life to change! I can't wait for all these things and I know pregnancies are hard (mine has been a mixed bag of ups and downs) and being a parent will be equally challenging. But there are a lot of good things to look forward to! For one someone will soon call you mummy in a years time

How you feel and what you might 'get' is completely hit and miss. I didn't get stretch marks or piles or any of the things you mention. That's not to say that pregnancy isn't a bit of a 'slog' especially at the end.... But it's worth it.

And as they say 'this woman's work is never done....' If you know what I mean!

Stop reading books!! That's my best and only advice.
I think whether it not you get stretch marks is all down to luck and genetics. I used loads of oils and creams and got them anyway.
As long as you try to be healthy (ish) and don't overdo it you'll be fine. Things might happen along the way, and you'll deal with them as and when you need to. Try not to worry, there's too much to worry about. You'll make yourself nuts.
I hope this doesn't sound flippant, I don't mean it that way.
Chill! (:

I second everyone else's advice. STOP reading the books! When I found out I was pregnant I went and got a load of books including the mumsnet one, and while they all do give you valuable advice, they didn't half freak me out! Some of them really did worry me and I decided to stop reading them for a while. I'd advise you to do the same. At least for a few months until your further on in your pregnancy and feel more settled. Not many books focus on the fact that the majority of women go on to have healthy successful pregnancies without all these worrying things the write about!

Wow, thank you so much ladies for all your support. I feel better about it already, and thinking about all the lovely things you mention...your children having made it all worth it, cuddling the little nipper for the first time, etc...will only continue to help. And it does make sense that there is far too much to worry about anyway!

I have put away the books (in fact got DH to hide them), and will see how I go without them for a while.

Thanks again , from the bottom of my heart.

Thanks for this thread too, it has really helped me! I've read a lot but think I'll move onto reading positive things about parenting instead. I'm only 6 weeks on and it can be too easy to latch onto bad things and worry about them. Time to put the pregnancy books down!!

Elastigrrrl and Anna - I can honestly say that each time I had my babies it felt like all my childhood Christmases rolled up into one - it was the best feeling ever. Every morning when I woke up and saw my new baby, I felt that lift of excitement - and that is in spite of having sleepless nights, colicky babies, etc etc. DH and I still sneak in to look at them sleeping sometimes and still quite believe we have had them!

Having children is the best thing I ever did and I'm sure you will both feel the same way.

Glad to hear those books have been put away!

It's all about the tea.

the BEST cup of tea you will ever have is the one just after you've given birth.

This is then topped by the first "cup of tea" your LO "makes" for you

Don't forget the best bath, Chocolate. I still dream about the best bath of my whole life which I had after the birth of DS2. Absolute bliss, it was. The lovely midwives looked after DS2 whilst I relaxed. (If they offer, say YES).

Oh, babies and special cups of tea and baths...so much to look forward to :)

All excellent advice. There are far too many women that seem to think it's ok to share all the horrors that can go with pregnancy because they've already done it and forget how scary that can be to hear if u are on ur first baby!

But just think if it was that awful everyone would stop at 1 baby, I'm on pregnancy number 3 currently one day overdue and getting uncomfortable and irritable, my poor hubby! and terilou87 on number 5. We wouldn't do it over and over if it really isn't worth it. Just stop reading, wait for your lovely bump to pop and enjoy feeling your babies kicks, good luck for the rest of ur pregnancy x