35 but feel like a 15 year old :-(

[Taz29duffy]

Ok this may seem ridiculous, but I'm really anxious and worried about telling my parents that my boyfriend and I are having a baby. I am 7 weeks pregnant. I am delighted, but every time I think of telling my parents I feel ill. I literally can't sleep or eat with worry.
I am an only child and have always been very close to my parents. They have a strong catholic faith and I was very well brought up. I had a broken relationship 4 years ago when my fiancé left me weeks before our wedding with no explanation and I was very depressed afterwards. 2 years ago I met my current partner and although we've had our ups and downs I love him and look forward to being a family. I know that my parents will react negatively - a few months ago I told my mum that I didn't believe in marriage after the hurt I had suffered and ahe replied that both her and my father would be upset if I had children outside of marriage. I now can only hear these words and am petrified of their upset and disappointment. I also have a great relationship with my mum and wish I could share my excitement with her. I know eventually she will come round and make a fantastic nan, but I don't know how to cope with the period before she reaches this point. I don't want to cause them hurt and shame and know that this is what they feel. I am literally suck with worry, which can't be good for my little bean. Any advice greatly appreciated! X

Oh love. Your mum might have said that but genuinely once the amazing good news has sunk in she is going to be granny on steroids. Honest. When you get to 12 weeks, tell her and be happy, no apologies. Don't give an option for disapproval. Start planning and enjoy.

You can't control how others feel but you can set expectations as to how you want them to behave around you. Tell them, make it clear you are both thrilled and this is what you want and nip any negativity in the bud straight away. It's your life, not theirs!

It's your life not theirs. I'm sure they'll be happy for you. How about waiting until you've had first scan then popping a scan pic in envelope and handing it to them. I think seeing their future grandchild would soften their reaction.

Thanks guys- I hope so! Would love to give her the photo, but am worried that she will just get upset and that would really distress me! I am thinking of telling her at 9 weeks (we are having a scan at 8weeks) so she has time to get her head around it before we tell others. Your words of support have been very helpful x

Aww, I'm sure your mum will actually be thrilled once she adjusts to the idea. I'm sure your good relationship with your family is worth so much more to them than any attitudes they may hold. This will be their grandchild!!

I felt the same, I was terrified to tell the parents both mine and DPs even though we are in a commited, happy relationship. We bit the bullet and there were some awkward silences, a few raised eyebrows but ultimately everyone was happy once they knew we were and now I'm 33 weeks everyone is very excited!

If they react negatively and don't come round then they aren't worth you or your new familys time. This is a situation that requires support and love not condemnation based in old fashioned 'ideals'.

CONGRATULATIONS by the way!

Congratulations !!

Part of being truly a grown-up is to not remain too dependent on others', and even your parents', opinions.

You are hurt by previous experiences, understandably, but you are happy to be expecting.
Personally, I'd wait until I was at least 12 weeks along and then tell them that they are hopefully going to be grandparents.
Then it's over to them.

You cannot change their reaction or behaviour, you can only affect how you react to it.

IME most families, no matter how apprehensive for whatever reason, come round once there is a real, cute, squishable newborn to be held .

V best of luck.

I'm sure it won't be worse than what you are imagining. My mum always said she never wanted grandkids and if I had kids don't expect any excitement from her. She is a great Mum but not very maternal or thrilled by babies. Subsequently I was dreading telling her, so much so I took her for a pamper day, then took her to a busy cafe incase she made a scene! She actually took it really well and while pregnancy holds little interest for her she has been very supportive! Good luck x

OP, I was in the same situation with a weirdly similar background! Added to that, I cried because I felt too young and out of my depth plus my mum is very controlling (through affection mainly).

I even told MIL and my sisters first (that helped buoy up my courage)
Then dh (then bf) and I phoned her and put on an air of euphoria to hide the worry and she was over the moon. This s the most judgemental catholic ever btw. If my strict old mammy was ok, so will yours be. I worried too much about her feelings and failed to see the much bigger picture. Good luck.

my dad is a strict catholic, and we have decided not to tell him my daughter is pregnant till after Christmas, my mum said best to leave it for now, not that it has anything to do with him, but he can be judegmental and we don't need that :) I know just how you feel, he will come round and he is a fab granddad, its just the initial telling, and im sure your parents will be delighted, its just good old fashioned values they have, even if outdated.