Utterly stressed at 8 wks after two miscarriages this year

[Travel123]

Hi everyone,

This is really just a plea for advice and similar experiences, as I am driving mad with worry!

I am eight weeks, five days pregnant, and we had an early scan showing a little heart beat at seven weeks four days, with the right measurements etc. It was lovely.

This year I have had two consecutive miscarriages (both missed miscarriages with an empty sac), both ending in D&Cs. I have no children and as you can imagine, it was completely devastating.

I was terribly worried before the first scan this time and actually burst into tears when they saw a heartbeat.

However, far from making me worry less, it has made me worry MORE. Now I'm worrying that the heartbeat has gone, that it will all go wrong by 12 weeks, etc etc, and am desperate for another scan. If I could go every day I would!

Trouble is, I don't really have many symptoms - no nausea, just really really tired.

I am taking my pregnancy vitamins and baby aspirin, and eating right, but it is driving me crazy with worry, and then I'm worrying that I am making things go wrong by worrying.

Any idea of how to calm down and make it to the 12 week scan? Anyone else in the same boat? All sympathy appreciated!

Best wishes.

I was in the same boat earlier this year, we saw a healthy heartbeat at the 9 week scan but I drove myself crazy waiting for the 12 week. The advice that helped me was to take things a day at a time. I was dismissive to start with as it sounded like a cliche, but I found if I really focused on just getting to bedtime that day then I could go to bed thinking 'today I am pregnant' and not think about the next day until it came around. Counting down the hours until bedtime was a lot easier than counting down the weeks until the scan and in the end the last few weeks went really quickly.

The risk of miscarriage decreases significantly every week, especially once you have seen the heartbeat, so every evening you can remind yourself that you are that little bit closer.

I have everything crossed for you and I hope the next few weeks fly by.

Sorry to hear your story im 6 week pregnant after 13 months of trying and im scared. It seems like a dream to me at the moment. My doctors scanning me at 8 weeks and the days are dragging.
This should be such a happy time. I hope everything goes right for you fingers and toes crossed xx

Your post really struck a chord with me. I have also had two consecutive missed miscarriages, and I'm just waiting for af to arrive after the last one. Missmargot is right though, the risk of miscarriage decreases every week, so a healthy heartbeat at 7 weeks 4 days is very positive. Perhaps you could book in for a private scan soon (I think about £150) to put your mind at rest?
A colleague at work had two miscarriages followed by two healthy pregnancies (her DC's are lovely).
I've just looked it up - the risk of miscarriage after a healthy heartbeat at 7 weeks is 3% - so the odds are in your favour of 97%!
I also have everything crossed for you xxx

I'm with missmargot on this one. I've had 4 miscarriages (2 early and 2 MMC all after IVF) and am now 14 weeks 5 days (with surprise natural baby) and keeping absolutely everything crossed that this one sticks around. Every day I'm still pregnant I congratulate myself on getting this far. As quickdowntonson said your miscarriage risk drops significantly after you've seen a heartbeat and in your case remind yourself that already this pregnancy is different (you've seen your embryo not just the sac) from what you've experienced before. You wouldn't be human if you weren't terrified. I'd love to say that the Fear (it deserves a capital letter) gets better as things progress but for me it hasn't shown any signs of abating - I'm now in the extraordinarily long gap between the 12 and 21 week scans- and still check my knickers every 30 minutes for blood, over-analyze every twinge and envy every woman who has already started baby shopping/thinking about names/decorating a nursery. I want to be that positive and optimistic too but will content myself with just making it through another day. Take care and I will also keep everything crossed for you xx

I've been looking for a post like this to reassure myself that I'm not crazy. It's such an awkward time - do I relax and feel happy, or do I hold back and stay in limbo? I always thought getting pregnant was the battle (I have pcos) but here I am, 8 weeks & 2days pregnant and wrestling with my anxiety constantly. The advice on this thread is right - take each day and be kind to yourself. Everything crossed for you, I'm sure all will be fine.

I was terribly anxious in my first trimester, I have not miscarried myself but have a lot of friends who've had early miscarriages so somehow convinced myself I was next. I ended up going for weekly scans at £45 a go at a private scanning centre between weeks 7 and 11. It did give me some reassurance particularly as I got past week 9 or so when the chances drop, although it is only a snapshot, you could have a good scan one day and miscarry the next. It did ease my anxiety though. With every week the chances of m/c decrease. I spent more than I should have done and everything was fine as my baby is now snuggled in her sling on my chest! but it was the only thing that made me feel less anxious at that time.

So - maybe check out if there are any reasonably priced scanning centres near you if this is something you think may help?

You have my sympathies - been there and know how hard it is not to worry and to allow yourself to believe in the new pregnancy.

This article published by NCT has got some interesting insights about pregnancy anxiety and how to tackle it - worth a read maybe.

Hi everyone and thank you all so much for your lovely, and reassuring, replies. I had to switch this off in the end and stop obsessing yesterday - but here I am again this morning, worrying!

Missmargot, I will definitely try and follow your advice from now - it helps a lot to think you only have to get through the day, and so on.

To everyone, I'm sorry to hear about your miscarriages and how hard you are finding it HannahC - it's so hard isn't it, and I don't think anyone can really understand unless they have had this experience. LizzieKal and Tryingtokeeppositive, yes I am in exactly the same situation - unable to be happy or 'commit' to the baby, and struggling with anxiety constantly. I actually cannot even look at a baby shop or picture for fear of jinxing everything! I really feel for you and wish you much luck!

Maggie The Magpie, where did you find a private scan for 45 quid? That's amazing! I'd definitely do this if I could find somewhere affordable - unfortunately, I can only seem to find places that charge £150-ish, and we just can't afford it at the moment. It would be so reassuring to go every week!

Well, thanks everyone and I will update if everything goes ok. Much good wishes and baby magic to everyone! You have all really helped :)

xxx

ps: Quodlibet, just reading the article now! x

Travel it is a bit wordy! I found CBT really helpful (went to my GP when struggling with anxiety after MC and got referred, there may well be a fast track referral if you are pg as they are supposed to take anxiety in pg v seriously). Also, try 'The Worry Cure' (book) by Robert Leahy (recommended by CBT therapist). It is good for helping you identify your thought patterns and recognise that they are not helping the situation, and gives you simple tactics for changing them. You actually can control your thoughts/worries to some degree, but it takes some effort and dedication! Meditation and yoga also very helpful to help create some space in your mind and bring you back to the present.
Scans are reassuring, but it's a short term reassurance - the day after the scan its quite probably the worries will start coming back unless you also address the thought patterns that are causing the anxiety to be so unmanageable.

Travel123 if you are in the Midlands then I can recommend the place that we went to, they only charge £50 for early scans and are absolutely lovely. We went back and had a 4D scan last night (now 29 weeks) and are going to their ante natal classes too.

Hi ladies,
I can relate to you all, over the past 2.5years I have had 4 mcs (1 mmc and 4 early mcs) I have no DC.
Today I am 39wk pregnant and I still feel anxious now about my baby, I only got less stressed about it when I started feeling my baby move around 14 wks and I would cry if I hadn't felt it for a few hours, I don't think the worry will ever leave you but hopefully it will lessen, good luck to you all who are pregnant and good luck for future pregnancies for those who are waiting x