Changing your mind about who's at the birth?

[BummyMummy77]

So I'm having a home birth (hopefully) with two attending midwives and I suppose dh has to be there too.

The lady that's been giving me pregnancy massages asked if she could be there too when she found out I was doing it at home. She's training to be a doula. I thought it was a great idea a few months ago but have since changed my mind.

For a start I feel like three people here will be more than enough, I'd actually rather do it on my own in a cupboard.

Secondly, she met with the midwives yesterday and I just didn't get good vibes from it. They didn't really chat and I could see there being friction during the birth. Which is the LAST thing I can be arsed with, wondering if people are getting on and any negativeness.

So I need to tell her 'no'. I'm such a pussy at telling people things, especially now, I'll cry. Also, she's SO excited I feel bad.

Any advice on what to do? I was thinking take the chicken's way out and tell her after the birth it just didn't pan out as expected.

Anybody else change their minds about birthing partners at the last minute? What happened if you did?

No personal experience. But I would blame the midwives. Say that they have asked you not to have her there as they feel it would be too much for you. Or say your partner said no! He wants as few people as possible as thinks it should be personal time, so you are just having midwives xx

I'd be inclined to just not call her when the time comes. There are many perfectly valid reasons you can give afterwards ie, happened too quickly, wasn't sure it was the real thing, too distracted by everything, thought you were going to get transferred in where she wouldn't be allowed, wanting to wait for a more sociable hour to call and then dh forgetting etc...I'm completely with you about the cupboard thing, almost contemplating 'forgetting' to call the midwife but wouldn't really! Good luck, don't feel too bad, this is too important to give in...

Blaming on dh I'd like to do but he may take offence to that lol.

I think I can fudge it and say it happened so quickly etc. I've told the midwives I won't be calling them for a while and they got very cross with me. I am on an island in the middle of nowhere so I kind of see their point.