Need a bit of hand-holding/kick up the bum please!

[AmelieRose]

I had a d&c in early January after finding out our baby wasn't developing properly on Christmas Eve. This was after a long, drawn out process of five scans week after week in the run up to Christmas so was a pretty awful time all round.

DH and I have been TTC since then with no luck (and a lot of money wasted on preg tests ) until now. After several faint lines on cheap tests, I got a BFP on a clear blue digi test yesterday.

We're obviously delighted, but now the sense of dread is starting to set in. I can't help but think it's going to go the same as last time - even though I am generally a very optimistic person. I'm overanalysing every little twinge (like the horrible lower back pain I have today) and on the verge of bursting into tears pretty much all the time.

A friend has suggested getting in touch with the EPU in a few weeks (I think I'm about 5 weeks now) to see about an early scan, but I now associate such horrible memories of the place I don't know if I could go. I didn't feel we were treated particularly well there either so I suppose that's adding to it.

To top it off, I'm off work on holiday this week so loads more time to obsess! I know I'm being a bit pathetic, so a bit of hand-holding/a kick up the bum would be much appreciated!

Hi Amelie congratulations! I had a missed miscarriage earlier this year, and I'm now 20 weeks pregnant.

There is probably nothing you can do to stop the stressing and worrying - that is utterly normal! Statistically there is every chance that this pregnancy will be fine, but once you have experienced a miscarriage the innocence is lost and you worry so much about every little twinge.

My EPU offered me early scans at 8 and 10 weeks, however they didn't really help much for me personally as my miscarriage was at 12 weeks (had seen a heartbeat at 7 weeks before pregnancy failed), but I know some people find them beneficial.

The pregnant after miscarriage thread on here is fab, I tend to just lurk now and comment when I'm stressing, but in the weeks before my 12 week scan it was so helpful to be able to discuss with others who had been where I was

thread here

I don't have any experience of this but heres a hand to hold. Congratulations! Give yourself some time for the news to sink in and remember that lots of women miscarry and then go on to have a baby

I'm sorry to hear of your past experience x

you are not being pathetic and are not deserving of a kick up the bum, what you are feeling is completely natural. It must be hard to feel excited and scared at the same time.

Were you given any reason why your baby didn't develop properly, were you given any cause to think the same may happen this time round?

Obviously you are going to have negative thoughts about the EPAU, it is what you associate with a very traumatic time of your life, but just remember that it is only a building and for every woman that has a tragic outcome, there are hundreds that have positive ones and there is no reason why you won't be one of them this time round.

However, if you really are reluctant to go there could you afford a private scan? Me and my hubby had a private one at a lovely clinic and it was so relaxing and calm. The staff were lovely and we had a good 20 minute slot and they talked us through everything, it was a really nice experience. It cost us about £50 which for the peace of mind didn't seem to much to pay.

I have had to have 3 visits to the hospital's EPAU due to bleeding and I can't say I have ever enjoyed my visits there but each time I left with positive news so I now look at it as a place for help and reassurance as opposed to somewhere to dread.

The best of luck for your pregnancy and congratulations x x

Thanks everyone. Writer I have considered a private scan, and could afford it, so I might do that. We weren't given any indication of why the baby didn't develop - the midwives always seemed bored and keen to rush us out. One even said "that's not a question to be asking" when I asked her what the reasons might be. The idea of going back makes me feel a bit sick - especially as you have to walk through the preg assessment unit to get in and out past lots of heavily pregnant women!

Rockchick thanks for this thread, looks great for me.

Hi.
Firstly congrats!! I had two previous mc's but they were very early and nothing like what you had to go through. But I contacted the EPU and they gave me early reassurance scans which really helped settle me so defiantly worth calling them xx

Oh AmelieRose, I won't give you a kick up the bum as that sounds like the last thing you need. I'm in a similar situation though a bit further along than you - over a period of 8 years I had 7 rounds of IVF resulting in two very early miscarriages and two missed miscarriages (8 and 10 weeks) which involved three weeks of heading in for scans to make sure the pregnancies weren't viable before ending in D&Cs. We stopped actively trying 3 years ago and then found out this summer that we have managed to get pregnant naturally and I've been almost paralysed by fear ever since. I'm now 14 weeks +1.
I had to go back to the same hospital where I had previous scans/D&Cs (gulp) for an early scan at 7+3 after having a bleed and saw HB which was quite reassuring for a couple of hours but then had to wait another 5 weeks for the next (nuchal) scan. Again I was reassured for only a short period of time. I still over analyse every cramp (I've had a lot - particularly bad around the 5/6 week mark if I remember well), poke my boobs to make sure they're still sore throughout the day, check my knickers for blood about every 15 minutes, can't understand how anyone can consider buying stuff for a baby before they actually come out and offer up a silent prayer about 50 times a day of 'please, please be ok in there'. I think every woman is worried about something going wrong but once you've had the experience of miscarriage it seems impossible to switch off the FEAR. I will be keeping everything crossed for you (and remember that twinges are a good sign) xxx

Oh lizziekal it sounds like you've had a rubbish time of it! Thank you for the reassurance. I'm doing the same as you - every time I go to the loo I'm expecting to see blood. God knows how I'm going to concentrate on anything until my 12 week scan!

I've moved house since my mc so (after a bit of googling this afternoon) I think I could go to a different EPU as would be going to a different hospital for scans, antenatal care etc. Fingers crossed that'll make things a bit less terrifying... Hope all continues to go well with you. xxx

Just take one day at a time. Obviously it's probably too early for you to get a scan just now but could you get your GP to check you HCG levels so at least you know things are heading in the right direction? As the other lovely ladies have already mentioned there are lots of us in the same boat and there's always someone here to do a bit of hand holding when needed.xx