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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Do we find out the sex of the baby this time?

26 replies

Lottystar · 13/10/2013 11:22

I've just found out I'm pregnant with my third baby, we already have two beautiful boys aged 2 1/2 and 1 1/2. This will be our final little one and we planned to have them close together in age. It's very early days yet, just a few weeks, but I'm already wondering whether we should find out the gender of this baby. We found out with both the boys (just due to excitement and impatience really) and this would be our last chance to have a surprise. I'm just interested to know the experience of others and if you think it was even more special to wait?

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BigWoooooo · 13/10/2013 11:25

My opinion is if you have a preference then I would find out so you have time to get your head around it before the baby gets here. If you are not bothered then a surprise is lovely. We didn't find out and I don't think I would find out next time either.

Wishfulmakeupping · 13/10/2013 11:34

Agree with big if you have any preference then you should find out before but remember just because you know doesn't mean everyone has to you can tell them you wanted a surprise and keep it to yourself ;)

Shellywelly1973 · 13/10/2013 11:56

I've found out with some of the dc.

With dc3 I was convinced she was a boy. I was really upset at my 20 week scan. In some ways it would have been better to find out at the birth as at that point its just the joy of the baby arriving rather then the gender.

With the last 2dc its been more for practical reasons as I didn't have any preferences about the gender.

imnotalone · 13/10/2013 12:01

I was determined I was going to find out this time. Didn't with the first two. However, when it came to the scan, I really wasn't sure if I wanted to know or not. Due to this, I decided not to find out as you can't unknow what you know...

If you really want to know then perhaps you should but if you're not sure then perhaps you shouldn't!

Original poster

Lottystar · 13/10/2013 12:13

Thanks for your advice ladies, I'm so happy to be having our third, it's not been easy to conceive with this one, it will be a clomid baby! I don't mind the sex as long as the little one is healthy, but obviously with two boys already a girl would be the icing on the cake to even out our household a little. It's so hard to know what to do for the best

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Iheartcustardcreams · 13/10/2013 12:19

I found out with my first two. But didn't with dc3. I liked having a surprise! Not having anymore but if I did wouldn't find out. Congratulations!

Mutley77 · 13/10/2013 12:26

I found out with dc 1 (girl) and dc2 (boy). I didn't with dc3 as I wanted my last baby to be my only chance to have a surprise - it was really hard as dh was keen to know and kept trying to persuade me! I also had lots of late scans, including one where they were specifically looking at the genital area and had to get me to look away - I was sooo tempted. But I did like having a surprise so it was worth the wait and avoiding temptation!

ShowOfBloodyStumps · 13/10/2013 12:27

Oh it's a personal decision. Only you can know. There's no right way to do it and it's as pleasing finding out at 20 weeks as it is at the birth. Wait and see. You also have the option of asking them to write it down and sealing it in an envelope until later when you're sure.

I think you'll know nearer the time whether you want to find out. Sometimes if the pregnancy is tough with bad morning sickness or similar, finding out can be a nice pick me up for example. Sometimes, the pregnancy can be tough and it convinces you that you don't want to know the sex as it feels irrelevant. The point is, a number of factors will decide what you want to do nearer the time.

Congratulations! Have a healthy and happy pregnancy.

terilou87 · 13/10/2013 15:19

I would of loved to not find out with any of mine but I just don't have the will power and I'm too nosey Not to find out when it gets to the 20 week scan

SweetPea86 · 13/10/2013 17:10

I think it's up to you Hun, I'm finding out this is my first and I'm so excited. Most people seem to think finding out is a good idea as you can pre pare.

Some idiots who ask me not the other way around, when I tell them yes start having a go at me saying when the baby is born I'm ruining the surprise.....ermmmmmm hello there will be a icle baby at the end of it boy or girl. Your decision congrationlations

PastaBeeandCheese · 13/10/2013 17:34

I didn't find out so have never experienced knowing iyswim. The only thing i'd say is it was really nice when DD was born and the midwife left us alone so find out what the baby was together. It was a special moment.

I would imagine it is special at the scan too though!

Not finding out this time either.

princesspants · 13/10/2013 18:01

I have 3 and did have a preference with the third.
I didn't find out with any of them.
I wasn't bothered that my first was a boy, just so excited to have a baby.

When I was pregnant 2nd time, this time I desperately wanted a girl. I thought that it would be better to wait because I'd get that same rush of love no matter what and I wouldn't be disappointed if it was another boy. She was a girl and it was a lovely moment - well eventually. Horrendous birth so I didn't have that wow moment IYSWIM.

With the third it was an unplanned pg and was such bad timing financially and otherwise. Head in wrong place. I was still in the throws of enjoying having a girl too. She was just coming up for two and just starting to really get into girly things/toys etc. I think it was this reason that I was desperate for this unplanned pg to be a little sister for her. I had this built up image of two little girls playing together. Maybe because I didn't have a sister, I don't know.

I thought better to leave it and if it was a boy id just love the baby.

Wrong. Nothing could have prepared me for the disappointment . I was gutted, absolutely gutted.

My beautiful, amazing healthy baby boy was born and I was gutted. I'd do anything to get that moment back and just slap myself for ruining that precious moment.

He is 13 months now and I adore him. The 3 of them are so close, especially the boys despite the 5.4 yr age gap. I wasn't convinced my DS would be interested in the baby for long but it is a brilliant age gap. He is old enough to appreciate that DS2 is just a baby so there is no jealousy. He helps to entertain him etc and I love seeing my boys together.

I say find out and get used to the idea if it is a boy so that you can look forward to his (if it is a he) arrival. By 40 weeks you should just be glad to finally see his little face.

Should add DD is the hardest! Also the most hyper, noisy child in my house so don't think girl = calm!

Original poster

Lottystar · 13/10/2013 18:50

Princesspants, your post made me chuckle! Thanks for responding so honestly too. I am just so lucky to be pregnant after fertility issues this time around I do just feel blessed, equally I'd be lying if I didn't admit I'd love to have a daughter and experience that different Mother / Daughter relationship, I have had such amazing female role models in my life it would be a shame not to pass that on to the next generation. Equally, my boys are my world and the Mother / Son bond is oh so special. So yes, part of me is worried that if I found out I was having a boy that I would be in anyway disappointed as I am just so happy to be pregnant and it would be undeserving of me ... Gah.

You all have made such valid points ... The special experience of wait and see or the equally special experience of finding out and planning for the arrival of my little bundle ... I think it's probably win / win either way xxx

OP posts:

lilmamma · 13/10/2013 20:12

I had two boys first and didn't know what either of them were, so it was a complete surprise when number 3 was a little girl :) and then went on to have another boy xx I would leave it for a surprise, we just bought netural colours and then once born went out and bought the little outfits, such a special time x

TallulahBetty · 13/10/2013 20:15

Surprises are the best! You can always change your mind and book a gender scan, but once you know, you can't "unknow". So while you're not sure, don't do it

sleepywombat · 14/10/2013 06:43

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sleepywombat · 14/10/2013 06:43

This reply has been deleted

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maggiethemagpie · 14/10/2013 08:56

I've always been the type who can't wait to find out - I'm very impatient! I even paid for a private gender scan at 16 w rather than wait for the NHS one at 20 w. However, I have a friend where the man wanted to know and the woman didn't, so they arranged for the sonographer to write the gender on a slip of paper and pass it to him. He kept it secret from her, and everyone else, for the remainder of the pregnancy. I'm not sure how!

charlottesweb87 · 14/10/2013 13:02

I really wanted a girl and always imagined myself with girls for some reason. At the 20 week scan I thought it would be good to know in case it was a boy and I could prepare myself for that. It is a boy! I admit I was a little disappointed at first but now I am 27 weeks and I am so happy to be having a boy! He is our son and we have named him already, purchased some cute clothes and decorating his nursery has been wonderful!

He isn't even born yet but I already feel like I can't imagine having a girl. Plus DH wanted a son so he is so happy, which makes me really happy! Now we are feel we are bonding with him already and can't wait to meet him!

So If you have a preference then I would find out at scan.

NewBlueShoesToo · 14/10/2013 14:06

We have boy, girl, girl. We didn't find out the sex of any of them, I loved the surprise and would have been happy either way.
I think it's quite unusual not to find out and some people think its odd but I think, for us, there was no good reason to know and the surprise is wonderful. Also i like getting to know the personalities of my children when they are born and not have a preconceived idea of who they are.

Original poster

Lottystar · 14/10/2013 14:36

I am erring towards finding out just so I'm not feeling at anyway disappointed at the birth, although saying that I'm sure having that baby in my arms will alleviate any negative feelings ... Sleepywombat, your post hit home as you're in a similar position to me, with two boys already. My hubby is however more than happy with another boy, it's me who'd like another girl in the house.

We have a good couple of months to decide so I think until I'm sure I just won't find out. Your advice has been wonderful ladies, thank you xxx

OP posts:

Original poster

Lottystar · 14/10/2013 14:37

*when I say another girl, I mean other than me

OP posts:

chillykitty · 14/10/2013 14:49

Yes

Rufus44 · 14/10/2013 14:54

Didn't want to know with the first two but found out for dc3 as it made a difference as to room sharing

GreatJoanUmber · 14/10/2013 18:17

Similar situation to you - I have 2 DSs and now pregnant with our third DC, due in Jan.
I found out with both boys as I really wanted to know!! And partly because DH had his heart set on having daughters. He was very disappointed with #1 and it took him a few weeks to come around, but he was fine when he was born.
With DS2 he was a bit less disappointed and came round in about 5 minutes.

This pregnancy was very unexpected, so in a way I think it was meant to be a surprise and it will stay this way .
I have always wanted two boys, so now that I've got my boys I don't mind what we're having this time. And it's also my last chance to ever experience that surprise at birth!

You sound like you're not that bothered about having either (even though you do have a preference), so I'd say go for the surprise!

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