How do I get my OH to understand?

[PinkWitch803]

I am 29 weeks and suffer from pregnancy insomnia. I have tried every trick in the book and I know that the maximum I can sleep is four hours. After that, I will dip in and out of consciousness for a while, intermitted with wee stops every 30-45 mins. Which is about as long as it takes to drift off. If I am lucky, I will be asleep before I need the loo and then I can get an extra hour or two. These things I can handle.

However, I have noticed that if I wake up, or am woken up after 2:30am, it is almost impossible to get back to sleep. I was a light sleeper before pg, but this is ridiculous. I sleep with ear plugs and an eye mask, but would prefer not too. This is the fun bit...my loving OH has always gone to bed a bit later than me. That is fine too, but recently, in the last four or so months, he has decided that he wants to go to bed between 2:30 and 3 ish. Sometimes later, rarely earlier. He is very loving and tried to be quiet when he comes to bed, but almost always wakes me up, and then I can't get back to sleep!

He has been brilliant supporting me throughout my pregnancy, but no matter how many different ways or times I have tried to explain this to him, he does do anything about it.

To top things off, he doesn't like to sleep past 9 in the morning, but because his body is demanding it, he can naturally sleep through to after 10:30 and then feels like he has wasted the morning.

So if he only needs 6 hours, why does he not go to bed at 1:30/2 and still be up before 9, not ruin my chances of four hours sleep and save us both arguing at 4 in the morning, because I am still awake?

What do I do to get him to understand I am just asking him to consider me when it comes to bed time?

By the way, I go to bed at about 11. Any earlier and I wake up naturally at 2:30 and then it is game over anyway.

I have thought about doing shifts and going to bed earlier so when I wake up naturally at 2:30, I get up and he can go to bed, and we both get sleep! But that means going to bed really early and I would barely seem him. Plus I wouldn't be able to do much in case I made too much noise and woke everyone up!

Any suggestions how I can manage this? At the moment, shifts seem them only option as I can't get him to understand that I am not being a nagging fishwife.

Oh, and naps in the daytime are not an option. I have tried and failed, and when I do succeed it makes it even harder to get any sleep on thd nightime.

I do sympathise! I had terrible pregnancy insomnia - regularly surviving on 3-5 hours broken sleep a night. It really is horrible. Do you have a spare room you can use? I found that if I went to bed as bormal, I would wake at 1-2iah and if I couldn't get back to sleep (most nights) I went into the spare room to sleep and sometimes the change of scenary helped me get back to sleep.

I was so worried about how much sleep I would get when baby arrived, but I actually get so much more sleep now (baby is 4 months old) because the insomnia has gone.

Unfortunatly we don't have a spare room. I am not worried about sleep when the baby comes because I figure the insomnia will go, so I may not get any more sleep, but it will be better quality.

My problem at the moment it is starting to get in the way of out relationship. If you mix in the hormones, I spend most of my days grumpy and my poor step son gets caught up in it (he is almost 18). Although he and I have a good relationship and he is being patient with my moodiness, but this isn't fair on him.

I am usually a happy bubbly person and I feel like i have to play happy to not ruin everyone else's life and possibly convince myself that walking around with bags under the eyes and not finctioning properly is fine!

No advice but just wanted to say I am exactly the same as you at the moment but with the added extra of a 3 year old with the flu who is needing lots of cuddles and help through the night. So I'm exhausted, hormonal and very grumpy

I know you have said you have tried all the tricks but I shall tell you if I may what worked for me.

Eating ice and making myself cold.

I would then get back into bed and snuggle down to warm up and as I warmed up I drifted off!

Or, lie down on the sofa with the tv on quietly, at least you will be relaxing.

You have my sympathy.

I hadn't heard of ice before. I will give it a go tonight.

Just bloody wake your DH up in the early hours if he can't be respectful and go to bed at a decent hour. What on earth is he doing? Playing computer games?

It will really piss you off when you are dealing with a baby and he is going to bed and getting up when he pleases.

Doesn't he have a job to go to? When my DH was out of work he had a tendency to go to bed late and get up late. With 2 under three you can imagine my feelings on it. It still grates that he did this to me and my youngest is nearly 5.

Tell what an arse he is being, and make get up at 8am tomorrow.

a pan of cold water may do the trick

Just tell him to piss off when he comes.to bed at stupid o clock it is so unfair. He can sleep in the sofa.
And when the baby is here and you have been up every 2 hours feeding in the night is he going to sleep in until 10?
Ridiculous behaviour.

He works shifts, so when he is on earlies, he goes to bed at a reasonable time, but when he is on lates, he wants to 'unwind' before going to bed.

I don't mind him going to bed later than me, and he is usually ok, but it seems to be just since the last few months. He says he won't be able to sleep if he comes to bed earlier, but he just needs to sort his body clock out. It doesn't help that he has been quite poorly in the last couples of weeks and looking after me while I was quite poorly.

He has been so very supportive on every other aspect of the pregnancy amd he is not usually one for lie ins. He even understands I have insomnia and brings me hot milk and rubs my back. It just seems pointless if he is going to wake me up a couple of hours later in my witching hour and I can't seem to be able to get that message through.

I will try to explain again, maybe I can write it down so I don't my words in a muddle and I will wake him up after I have finished watching my film! Perhaps he doesn't realise he has got into such a bad habit with everything else going on!

He is going back to work on Monday, so perhaps that might be a chance to sort this out. Also, I now on early maternity leave (signed off due to high risk of bleeding and my job demanding 13 hour days with a long commute chucked in for good measure) so we need to agree on how me being at home a lot more is going to work out which might be a fresh platform for the conversation.

I am just so tired, and fed up of not sleeping.

Also, unfortunatly, telling him to piss off isn't going to help me much because it means I have woken up and he does cuddle me when he gets in to bed which is quite nice while I lie there trying to get back to sleep.

I genuinly think he doesn't understand how it affects me! Night after night after night :(

And it isn't his fault I can't sleep. I just want him to be a little be more considerate when choosing his bedtime!

OP my dh is the same. Not quite as late as yours but seldom in bed before midnight.

I think to be honest (going from my experiences with this and the last pregnancy) you do just have to accept that you are going to be very tired and find ways of dealing with it. Obviously speaking to your dh and making him see how he isn't helping is an important start.

I just wish my 3 year old DS was as likely to understand how exhausted I am!!

I'm suffering from terrible pregnancy insomnia too- similar to you, I can get to sleep at the beginning of the night but can't get back to sleep after my first loo break/disturbance.

I find that there is no point tossing and turning in bed once awake but I have been making up the sofa with a spare duvet before going to bed etc and coming through to sleep in the living room once awakened- maybe because it is colder, I seem able to drift back off, even if it takes a while. If I stay in bed next to DH, I don't manage to get back to sleep at all.

I also had a long period at the beginning of 3rd trimester where I went back to sleeping as normal - insomnia has only returned since 37/38 weeks so hope that happens for you.

How late are his lates? It just isnt possible to get into a routine when doing such random shifts. I finish.work at 11, home for 11.30 and I can not fall.asleep before one, regardless. Couuld you ask that on his lates, he sleep on the couch?

His lates finish between 8 and 10pm.

Perhaps I will get my sleeping bag down from the loft and leave it in the living room for when I wake up.

I am 29 weeks and had sleeping issues all the way through my pregnancy, so I can't see it improving in the next 11 weeks :)

I am going to try to stay awake until late tonight to see if I can sleep through my witching hour!

Thank you all for your kind advice.

If the late night doesn't work then I would try an early night. I know you think it won't help but personally I couldn't cope with the late nights you are having. I'm in bed by 9pm most nights, even if I'm not asleep at least I can say I have been resting and that makes me feel less desperate!

Gosh Pinkwitch you sound lovely. There is no.way I could wnjoy a cuddle from.someone who had woken me up and I knew I wouldn't be able to get back to.sleep! I do love my sleep though.
Good luck.getting your man to understand he does sound great in lots of ways but this would drive me up the wall.