Terrified and upset

[Taz29duffy]

Dear all,

I know this may seem a selfish post, I am desperately in need of some advice.

I am 35 and with my partner 2 years, but we went through a rough patch 6 months ago. I love him dearly.

I have just found out I'm 5 weeks pregnant and am upset and terrified. I thought I really wanted a baby and all my close friends have several children and I really wanted to experience motherhood too. I stopped the pill on a bit of a whim and 5 weeks later am pregnant.

I am most frightened of my parents reaction- although I am 35, I am still terrified of the shame and disappointment they will feel at me being pregnant out if wedlock. They are religious and traditional and we have a very close relationship. I am so worried about letting them down.

They really would rather I was married, but 4 years ago my ex left me just weeks before our wedding and I personally don't view marriage as a necessity, as I have seen how it can easily be broken.

To add to my misery, my partner is currently working overseas for 3 weeks. I did a pregnancy test the night before he left, which was negative, but 4 days later it was positive. I feel totally alone and dont know how I will get through the next 12 days before he comes home. I am a tearful mess and can't face telling my parents for fear of their reaction.

Until this week I believed that I wanted a child enough to not worry about what others thought, but now I am faced with the reality I am panicking.

I just don't know how to cope with all the emotions and would really value any advice if others have been in this situation.

Thanks x

I don't have any advice. But I want up send u a hug. And congratulations!!!!

Your parents may surprise you, after all, this will be their grandchild.

Do u have a close friend you could confide in? Is ur partner contactable?

I understand that feeling of panic you described. I had different circumstances (married etc) and baby was very much a long time planned but still nearly passed out with sheer panic when I got that positive test. Just because your terrified now doesn't mean you don't want a baby, but this whole pregnancy malarkey can be really overwhelming at times,and your partner being away just now won't be helping. The timing may not be great but if you can reach him tell him, don't wait until be gets home,if you can't speak to a friend. As for your parents they may surprise you,my mother in law teaches Sunday school and is pretty traditional, hubby is the middle of 3 and both his siblings have kids out of wedlock. would she have preferred that they were married yes she would but she loves her grandsons more than anything and wouldn't be without them and couldn't be more supportive of her kids. It might take them some getting used to but I'm sure they'll come round soon enough.

Even when a pregnancy is totally planned, there can be a total panic reaction. Its huge.
Don't worry about telling your parents or anyone else, just try to get your head around the idea yourself. Have you told your partner yet?

Don't blame him for the sins of your previous boyfriend, sometimes the things you are most frightened of have already happened. A lot can happen in 9 months.

Very best wishes and congratulations !

You will swing wildly between coping, finding it easy, crying, blind panic, anger, even forgetting about it. I did. You will steer a course through because you are an articulate intelligent person. You need support but you are able, in any way, to cope.

Your parents might surprise you. Your DP might be thrilled. Many don't say anything to parents til first scans. That's 12wks. No rush. Slow down. It's your pace now.

Good luck x

And I was preg at 34. It meant admitting I'd had sex with my dh. Ridiculous. But with parents it really unnerved me still! And with dd2!

I don't have much advice but ddidn't want to read and run....

People will surprise you, your parents may surprise you.. My dp parents are religious his mum is a vicar! I am currently 29 weeks pregnant our of wed lock and they couldn't be more over the moon.... Times have changed and for some people marriage isn't for them... I'd love to marry dp but it's just so expensive.. We wanted a baby and marriage but could only have the one for now so we chose baby....

Though when I became pregnant it was still a shock as we were told it wouldn't happen as quick as it did due to medical conditions... . I was up then Down... I wanted the baby then I wasn't sure.. I was scared I would be a rubbish mum.. I went through all the emotions... I cried loads. But now I couldn't be happier and can't wait to meet my Lil girl..

You're probably going through alot of emotions but your dp is away and your missing him and your hormones will be making everything seem alot worse than it is...

I hope everything works our for you. Good luck x