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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Upset with dp.

19 replies

Lj8893 · 08/10/2013 13:17

I'm 37+2 and started antenatal classes last week (they are every Tuesday and its only for 3 weeks)

I didn't realise partners were able to go or at least didn't think all partners would go but when I turned up last week I was the only one on her own and felt really crappy about it.

So I told dp and he said he would come with me this week, but all week whenever we talk about it he refers to it as "boring". For instance he asked what time it started a moment ago " what time we got to go and be bored later?"

I shouted at him and told him I would rather he didn't come than keep going on about it like that. Yes it may be boring, but its part of having a baby!!

He did the same about the hospital tour, boring, boring, boring. Yes, it was boring but no need to go on about it.

He doesn't have a clue about labour, (last weeks antenatal class was all about "normal" labour) and I'm getting really panicky now that he has no idea what to expect and how can he support me through it if he doesn't know what's going on.

Am I just being really hormonal and sensitive or do I have a point?

OP posts:

RaRaZ · 08/10/2013 13:22

You have a very valid point. I'd be ready to murder my DP if he did that - not that we're anywhere near that stage yet. Frankly, I think he should be fascinated and want to help you wherever he can. It shouldn't be 'boring' to him. I know mine will be really keen to come along with me to everything and he wants to be as involved as possible with the labour. Can you sit your DP down and tell him how he's making you feel?

Original poster

Lj8893 · 08/10/2013 13:25

Well, I did have my little outburst and told him I would rather he didn't come than keep going on about it like that and he went very quiet and changed the subject which I know means he knows I'm right otherwise he would have snapped back at me.

Hopefully that outburst will be enough and he will man up a bit now!

OP posts:

callamia · 08/10/2013 13:28

You have a point.

I suspect that he's calling things boring rather than facing up to the fact that the whole thing is a little scary. This isn't helpful for you though. Does he realise how scary this is for you as well, and that you really need his support? This might require a serious talk with him, and a heads up about what you need/expect.

RaRa1988 · 08/10/2013 13:31

Good for you, LJ, think he deserved that! I think you might need to have a calm and sensible talk though so you can really explain the benefits of going to the classes. They might not be enthralling, but - assuming he's not a midwife with five kids already - there are certain things he's going to need to know in order to be there for you during the labour, birth, and afterwards. Even if he doesn't find it useful, he needs to be there to show support and solidarity for you.

RaRa1988 · 08/10/2013 13:35

Sorry, I'm the same RaRa as above - just the 'Z' was irritating me!

Original poster

Lj8893 · 08/10/2013 13:39

I think your probably right callamia he most likely is calling it boring because in reality he's a little scared.

I've got a pregnancy book which I have found really simple and useful to read so I'm going to get him to read the labour chapter and then have a little chat with him just to explain what I need from him.

Hopefully tonight's class will open his eyes a little bit, espessially when some of the other partners are asking questions etc, it may make him realise that actually labour will also be happening to him, not just me if that makes sense. (And the class tonight is all about difficult and not normal labour so may be enough to scare him into taking a bit more control)

Thanks all

OP posts:

27mummmy2boys · 08/10/2013 14:00

I had my partner and my mum at the birth for both my children which I found alot easier . Have you thought about taking two people with you to the birth? If not your Mum a close friend or something :) Might take the pressure off a little bit. He could go and have a breather and not worry about me being left alone if it gets abit much xx

Original poster

Lj8893 · 08/10/2013 14:02

My mum will be there but not in with us the whole time, mainly because she doesn't want to see me (her baby haha) in pain and she will drive me mad after a while, as much as I love her.

But she will be there to take over when dp needs a breather etc.

OP posts:

Bejeena · 08/10/2013 16:29

I think you shouldn't worry too much about him knowing what you expect from him because in all honestly I don't think it'll matter, he will instinctively know what to do for you and if you are anything like me giving birth will not be anything like you are envisaging it now, hard to explain until you have done it.

I am sure in his own time he will do his own research on it to so that he knows what to expect. The antenatal group didn't help my husband at all and I only enjoyed it for the people I met not for anything we learnt.

Good luck and enjoy rest of your pregnancy. My baby is 10 weeks old now and it has gone so fast

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2013 18:09

No I think he probably does think it's boring. Much as that's hurtful to hear.

My dh is wonderful. SO supportive, emotionally and helping around the house. He tries 110% to be super interested in all things baby.

Unfortunately I know him well enough to see most of this is put on and that although he listens, cocks his head and does the 'God that's so fascinating' face he finds most of it boring. Hence talking to Mum, other women and chat boards.

It's hard for them to get as excited as us. Firstly, it's just a concept to them, secondly, most men are very visual and in the moment (hence why they're generally more into porn than women) and until the baby is born I've found most blokes have a fleeting interest at best. I wouldn't take it to heart.

Not to speak for them all but that's what mine and all the ones I know are like. :)

RaRa1988 · 08/10/2013 19:03

I don't think saying they're 'generally more into porn than women' is very fair - I've never met one who'd rather watch porn than sexually interact with a real live women who's into them too...

Re babies, yeah, I think it's a bit of a strange concept to them until it becomes 'real'. I'd have thought that, at a few weeks off birth, it should be pretty real though! Maybe it depends on the kind of man and his interests: my DP has always been really interested in biology and the workings of the human body, so he finds my cycle etc pretty interesting, and he actually wants to know (and see! ) about things like EWCM.

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2013 19:11

No no no! I meant they like porn more than women do (generally speaking) LOL! Not they prefer porn to an actual woman.

Original poster

Lj8893 · 08/10/2013 20:16

Well, he came along to antenatal class this evening and was asking loads of questions and came away chatting away about it, and we just popped in to see his mum and he was telling her all he had learnt.

Bless him.

OP posts:

BummyMummy77 · 08/10/2013 20:21

Aw. :)

It's completely impossible for them to be as excited and interested as us I think. Considering that most women go batshit crazy about pregnancy. I bore myself sometimes!

Original poster

Lj8893 · 08/10/2013 20:44

And next weeks session is all about b/feeding so I wasent expecting him to come along to that but he has just said he is coming because actually he's really interested.

Blimey, he's like a different person!

OP posts:

callamia · 09/10/2013 08:58

Good stuff!

I am amused by the odd snippets of information that my other half picked up at antenatal class - the best thing being that since he discovered how much extra weight I am 'carrying', he keeps trying to take my handbag off me to carry...

Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy!

Original poster

Lj8893 · 09/10/2013 10:02

Aww callamia that's so sweet!

My dp proudly announced to his mum that I had lost my mucus plug, his sister and 2 of his mums male friends were also in the room! Thanks dp!

OP posts:

StyleManual · 09/10/2013 14:39

I'm glad your DH has got into the whole childbirth thing. My husband wasn't quite so vocal, but I felt he wasn't that interested until I took him to a couples workshop that was part of my antenatal class. He loved it and was really interested in the physiology. He's funny now - really into the whole homebirth and active birth thing and massively pro-breastfeeding.
It's funny how men sometimes aren't as inhibited as women about talking about childbirth. Our friends recently had a baby and the guy will happily chat away about ALL parts of the birth and I can see her cringing at all the oversharing. But it's nice that he's so positive about it!

katebakes · 09/10/2013 23:54

My DH is still abroad - I'm expecting him to be back in London when I'm 37/38 weeks... We Skype twice a day and he speaks to bump. It's horrible being without him and I'm counting down the days till he comes back. It helps me that he couldn't be more excited.

I'm lucky that he's very pro breastfeeding - thanks to my MIL. He's eager to be hands on and has told me that he'll wake up at night feeds to keep us company and have a cuddle.

Having said that he still thinks the antenatal classes are stupid and laughs at them. Questions like 'what are they going to teach you?' 'What do you mean you learn to breathe? I thought you are breathing now...' Have popped up. I don't take it to heart, I know he's going to be an amazing daddy and for me, these things aren't important. He'll come to the classes because I want him to but as to whether he wants to enjoy them well that's up to him.

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