Ready to try for baby no 2 but petrified after awful awful birth trauma/pregnancy :-(

[Jjb2]

Evening all.

I've come to a point where my husband and I would love to try for a brother or sister for my 2 yr old son. The trouble I am so so scared as I had an awful time the first time round :-(

I had severe anaemia and b12 deficiency towards the end of my first pregnancy which went undetected due to bloods being lost/moving house and changing doctors. This wasn't too bad but after a difficult ventouse delivery I suffered a massive hemmorhage which left me very very weak for a long time afterwards. The hemmorhage combined with the anaemia meant it took a long time for my body to recover. I have never felt like that before in my life. I didn't have the energy to do anything, and couldn't even carry my son up and down the stairs for the first three months of his life. I had the brain power of a fish and basically lost myself for a year.

I was having a chat with my birth partners today and they basically said they thought I was a goner. My eyes rolled into the back of my head, and when the doctors pushed down on my stomach and all the stuff came out it looked like a tidal wave of chopped liver (sorry for that image).

I've always said I want another one but now that moment is here I just don't know if I can do it :-( what if it happens again but worse? Can I risk that for another child when I have a beautiful son who i need to be here for? What if I die? After giving birth the consultant said it was just one of those things, no reason and it shouldn't happen again but it has still left me scared shitless.

I was wondering if anyone has a similar birth story and then went on to have other positive pregnancies/births?

Hey there, on my first so not me, but I am one of five! No.3 caused my poor mum to heamhorage very badly, but no problems at all with 4 & 5.

As for the anaemia, you know what the symptoms are and unless you are planning on moving again it won't be missed this time. Just stick up on iron rich foods in your diet too and keep an eye on how you are feeling.

As scary as it is (I had similar worries with going for my first), go for it hunni! Cuz I bet when you lol at your DS you don't have one ounce of regret!

Talk over your concerns with your GP so they can monitor you too, and make sure the MW knows your history. You will be fine :)

Good luck with conception and big reassuring hugs xxx

Look at your DS! Bloomin iphones

I can share your fear.

I haemorrhaged when I miscarried in April, and also lost masses of chopped liver in waves. I was in A&E and could see the panic on everyone's faces. I was given an injection in my thigh like you get to expel the placenta, which caused massive contractions and the bleeding gradually stopped.

I had a missed mc at 11.5 weeks but lost it at 6 weeks. It was my fourth pregnancy and I think if my others hadn't been ok, I'd be feeling like you.

As it is, I'm 4+4 and scared shitless! All sorts of crazy thoughts about checking life insurance policies and writing letters to the kids...

Hope this doesn't make it worse

My Sil went through a similar experience to you with dc1, but went on to have a much, much better time with dc2.

The hps will also be super attentive to your subsequent pg because of your first experience.

Don't worry about it, but perhaps speak to the midwivesabout your cconcerns.

Hi, I had a very similar experience and I'm now 35 weeks. I had an appointment with a consultant at 15 weeks and he gave me a choice for my birth. As its happened before there is a increased risk that it may happen again but he seemed confident that they know about it and can control it. I see him again this week to book a section and while I am terrified about the birth I have confidence in him and his team. I was told I couldn't go overdue and couldn't be induced either so I figured I would plan for a section. I decided on a section as I would be in theatre if anything happened, there would be a surgeon, midwife, theatre nurse and an anesthetist. I am still incredibly anxious and I don't think that will go until several hours after the birth. Good luck!

Jjb2. Can you ask your hospital for a debrief? Most offer this service.

Being anemic puts you at a high risk for bleeding after/during labour. This time hopefully your bloods won't be lost and after your 28 week iron check nag the community midwife to follow up the results.

Also as you've had a previous bleed the hospital will probably want you to be on a high strength syntocinon drip immediately after the baby is born. This clamps your uterus down and really reduces the chance of you bleeding. So talk to them about this.

Good luck. I know a major bleed is scary but the staff are kind of used to it and practice to Manaage it effectively.

Thank you all for your replies :)

hello VivaLeThrustBadger I didn't realise being anemic puts you at a higher risk for bleeding afterwards. Now I know that I will make sure I pester and nag about my bloods. I have to admit I was a bit naive first time around and put all my symptoms down to being in my third trimester :( I now know being that tired and vague is not normal :D

Also thank you for the info about the drip, that is comforting to hear.

hello WorriedMouse Good luck for the birth I'm glad to hear that you are being looked after after what happened first time round, and have been able to make an informed choice about the birth, and have been given different options. Hopefully if I decide to go for it I will be given the same care!

hello PinkWitch803 Thank you for sharing that with me about your SIL, that is comforting to hear. Maybe I will make an appointment to have a chat over my notes.

hello tannyLoo72 Thank you for sharing your experience with me. It is scary isn't it. I can remember asking someone what was that and they said don't worry but their face was saying something completely different! Good luck for the birth, hope all goes well. Don't worry you haven't made it worse. It's kind of nice to know that someone with a similar experience is prepared to do it again! I know people hemorrhage but it is nice to hear it from an actual person! If you can do it, so can I?!?

hello Sammi1986 Your message was very positive and did make me smile, thank you. I also think lol is just as fitting as looking as he frequently makes me laugh :D

P.S. I hope I don't look like a dick as I tried to put your names in bold but have never done it before. Hopefully I did it right!

Ah ha no I didn't do it right!

Jjb i have no medical expertise - but just wanted to let you know that i have 3 DCs and each birth was different.

My first was horrendous too. Ventouse. (sp?) Hemorrhage. 3 days in labour. back to back. MWs and doctors sounding panicy and changing into white wellingtons FFS! What was that all about?!? Eeeek. I am still scarred by it tbh.

No.2 and no.3 were nothing like as bad though. Honestly. Labour got shorter. Births more straight forward. In fact no.3 was almost an 'ok' experience - as ok as giving birth can be - lol.

Best of luck

White wellies? That must have been terrifying! I'm glad I was pretty out of it to remember anything like that! I just get told a few snippets now and again!

I'm glad you went on to have better labours and something like that didn't happen again. It makes me feel less worried about if I try again.

I guess in a way it is good that it has happened with the first as for my next the medical staff can prepare themselves for anything that may happen. And I guess the first paves the way so to speak so your next should always be more straight forward.

I really really want another child so I think I am just going to have to put my faith in the NHS and my body and go for it...

The white wellies made me lol! Sorry!

Really nice to hear from other people who had similar experiences, its helped me calm down a bit too!

Glad you're going to go for it, good luck, and come back and tell us how you're doing...

Hiya op.

Im on my 6th baby...

I had a third degree tear & haemorrhage with my first- also problems c with the placenta not detaching . I was very ill after ds was born. It probably took me 6 months to revover.

I spent my 2nd, 3rd & 4th pregnancies terrified of giving birth. It totally dominated the pregnancies.

My 4th dc birth was an amazing experience. He cured me of the fear of child birth. With my 5th dc I wasn't scared at all. I am not scared of giving birth to the baby I am carrying but I am scared of hospitals!

No two births are the same- they dont even feel the same. Good luck & don't be scared!

I had a similar experience with my son, first baby, great labour and birth but then retained placenta and massive hemorrhage after, emergency surgery for manual removal, heard staff saying "we're losing her, do a full hysterectomy now!" I was terrified, luckily one doctor stepped forward to try once more to get placenta out and stop the bleeding with success, thank god! It was a horrid experience and I didn't get to hold my son until he was almost 4 hours old. I ended up severely anemic and like u was a zombie for months!
I left a long gap before trying for number 2 so my body was fully recovered and I felt it safe to put it through pregnancy again, I miscarried that baby at 13 weeks.
Am now expecting number 3, due in 3weeks and have been told I am higher at risk of another retained placenta due to having one before yet it is unlikely.
Its not something that can be detected until u actually give birth so I won't know until baby comes. I am frightened but I'm just hoping for the best.
I have lots of preparations in place, on a consultant ward, some blood packs waiting and anything else they think necessary.
Only thing I can say is just make sure u are 100% ready physically and emotionally as the bad experiences really stick with u and like another poster said ask for a debrief, I found that helpful.

Was wonderingly how do I go about requesting a debrief?

Wondering!

I had a similar experience with DS1's birth: horrendous labour, emergency surgery for retained placenta & massive haemorrhage. I was convinced I had clinically died (& been resuscitated obviously!) & only found out I hadn't when I went through my notes a couple of years later with a consultant discussing how to approach a second pregnancy & birth. I wish I had looked into it earlier on!

Altho we planned to have DC2, it wasn't properly planned when it happened a year or so later than we'd intended - the delay being mainly due to my experience of the trauma with the previous birth. I was put under a teaching hospital for antenatal care & avoidance/reduction of PPH was the main aim. Yet despite this I ended up severely anaemic needing an iron transfusion a week before DS2's birth (& needed transfusions afterward). So you are right to be very vigilant about anaemia but the thing is, it can make you mentally very fatigued & despondent & can creep up on you despite best intentions. Thus be doubly or triply sure about keeping an eye on this, & make sure your support person/people are too. Hope it goes well for you!

Hi Jjb2 - if you ring the hospital you gave birth at they will tell you. It (the service) might be called something like 'Reflections'.

I found it helpful. I didn't even know until I went along, that my DD was in the posterior position, and that's why she was stuck for so long.

I know what you mean about the chopped liver. I was trying not to look at what was going on (the whole thing just went on and on) and turned my head from one side of the room to the other (to see DS) and saw surgeon with this mahoosive pile of stuff in his hands. Yeuch.

Trujay sounds very organised; you could do the same? You will have to be really assertive and make sure your birth partners are briefed on what to say.