Gaaaaaah

[Mumtonone]

Having a bad day and need to vent. Sorry.

Looking after elderly mother who is the throes of Alzheimer's disease with a particularly mean and spiteful streak. Add to that emergency alarm going off at 5am and me panicking she's having a stroke (she wasn't, but fraughtful 30mins while performed every stroke test .i could think of!). Then full day (busy and stressful) at work, come home for 7pm, check on Mum, and then rush to make dinner for hubby coming home.

So exhausted, don't get a chance to actually sit down till I'm eating dinner at 7.30. Tell hubby feeling crap.

In the space of less than 30mins, he's moaning at me that I haven't emptied my lunch container, huffing about the mail being left out and then snaps at me for not puttingh a tissue in the bin.

He can be very OCD at times, and I try so hard to be good - he just picks up on the silliest little things. I always seem to forget something.

I'm so angry but so upset. Now I'm in tears, upstairs and we're not talking.

I just don't know how I'm going to cope with a baby and his stupid tidying stuff.

Wow, he seriously needs to give you a break. You've been up since 5, terrible day worrying about your mum, come home and cook his dinner and he's still having a pop? Shove the tissue somewhere to make his eyes water!

You have every right to be upset. Pregnancy and hormones are exhausting enough without the added stress of your mum and everything else. He's being a selfish prat.

Chin up. Tomorrow's another day. X

You poor thing :(

Your husband needs to stop being an arse and pull his weight a bit more.

Can anyone help with your mum or are you on your own there?

Thank you for you replies AJH and Toby. They mean so much, just for someone to respond and agree I'm not being completely unreasonable. I feel like I'm going mad. It's so stupid to have an argument over not putting a tissue in the bin!?!

He's not spoken to me all night and has chosen to sleep on the sofa downstairs.

I wish I could go down and sort it, but I feel like if I give in I'm just condoning his behaviour and storing the fight for another day.

He does help a lot around the house, which I appreciate and always say thank you for. It's just he has a way of making me feel bad if every little thing isn't perfect.

I may be touchy, but I'm trying so hard to meet my Mums needs, work's constant demands, keep a semi-organised house and manage being 18 weeks pregnant in my late 30s. I just want half an hour on the sofa to do nothing, and be not reminded of the smallest little unimportant thing.

I know when baby comes, household chores are likely to go to pot. I just don't think he gets that in his OCD world, and I'm not sure I can live up to his expectations without having a nervous breakdown.

I do get home help for Mum, Toby. Which takes some weight of caring for her. But it's not easy dealing with Mum's erratic behaviours as well has her her variable temprament (I'll get yelled at because she doesn't like the colour of the walls today!).

We moved her next door so we could be closer to her (although I do 99% of things, hubby avoids contact like the plague), but it actuality it means you can ever escape from her illness and you're always expected to be there - no matter how bad a day your having.

I suppose I'm struggling to cope with caring for Mum, alongside losing her to the illness and knowing I won't have 'her' there to meet and help me cope with baby when he/she arrives. Showing her ultrasound pic at 12wks was heart breaking, as she couldn't understand why it didn't look like the pet dog.

After losing my Dad to the same illness only a couple of years before, I feel as I have none of my original family left. And when having such stupid little arguments (granted blown out of all proportion) I feel so scared and alone.

He doesn't 'help around the house'. He lives there too!

He's punishing you, which is completely unfair. Is it always you who has to apologise? He actually sounds quite manipulative. Can you talk to him about the way you feel in general, leading on to the way he's behaving making things harder for you?

I just feel very sorry for you. Your life sounds exhausting and emotionally draining :(

I have OCD - not the cleaning kind, but I get it.
It's not your job to live up to his anxiety fuelled expectations. In fact, by doing so you are providing what in anxiety terms is called 'reassurance' - that is, he has roped you into colluding with his obsessions. This is pretty much the worst strategy for any kind of recovery.

He needs to deal with this now, so he can keep dealing with it on his own after the baby comes. If not, his anxiety is just going to make both of you miserable.
There's plenty of good books on OCD available if he isn't severe enough to go to CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy).
For more resources and a really good forum, I recommend ocduk.org

I know this is just a 'perfect storm' of a shitty day plus his whining and it may not happen too often - but it's always best to sort these problems before the storms become more frequent with lack of sleep etc :)

x