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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

So I eagerly call my partner over to feel baby kicking for the 1st time...

12 replies

Lostinspace1 · 22/09/2013 21:50

...and he goes 'oh is that it...I was expecting more' and walks off!

fume

I'm hoping he will be at least a bit more affected by the birth, but who knows now...

Anybody share my pain?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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Smartiepants79 · 22/09/2013 21:53

First time kicks from a first baby are not all that impressive from the outside to be fair!
Just wait a few more months when your tummy is rolling and then see how impressed he is.

Original poster

Lostinspace1 · 22/09/2013 22:16

Thanks! I am probably being a little sensitive...I just thought there may be a hint of an emotional connection!!!

OP posts:

nowwhat · 22/09/2013 22:44

I showed my boyfriend our first scan (it was a scan for dates at what turned out to be 6 weeks) and he said "I can't see anything. There is nothing there" YES THERE IS, THERE IS A TINY DOT.

English isn't his first language and it often comes out very abrupt. He was also disgusted when I showed him the pregnancy test because "you've wee'd on it" actually, I wee'd in a cup, and dipped it in that. So there.

When you can see the kicks from outside I am sure he'll be more interested, or when a little bum comes out at the side!

BummyMummy77 · 22/09/2013 23:37

My hubby is the most caring, supportive, warm, emotional man.

I was expecting tears and laughter like in the films.

Weirdly he's not been blown away by the kicks or scans at all. In fact, his reactions I feel are exaggerated to please me.

It's only the last few days he's started putting his hand on bump without me asking (34 weeks).

I was really surprised and hurt but I think we shouldn't assume they have the same emotional connection we do at the same time.

I'm hoping he'll get this rush of feeling at the birth. If not, or if it's not as monumental as I would hope it is I guess I'll get over it. For a lot of Dads I know the feeling, bonding and love has taken a while longer than Mums.

Saying that, Mums can find it hard too. I know everyone would say to me early on "oh I bet you talk to him all the time" and I didn't. It's only recently I've been seeing him as a little person. For the first 4 months I was so ill I couldn't get out of bed, I actually felt irrationally resentful he was 'putting me through it'. It's all natural and I'm not going to beat myself up about it, there's a lot of pressure on how we SHOULD feel and behave and I think it can make it worse. Dad's can be even more removed.

CrispyFB · 23/09/2013 00:17

Sounds just like mine. Mine wouldn't even put his hand there for more than a few seconds as he got "bored".

This is the fourth baby that will (hopefully!) reach the kicking stage. First time out I was really hurt by his reaction.. subsequent times I realise it is just him.

He could not care less about pregnancy, it is a theoretical concept to him.. an inconvenience in terms of practicalities as I suffer badly from SPD, plus nausea/exhaustion etc etc. He is just not interested in anything I have to tell him.. he doesn't even seem to care he misses most of the scans.

However when baby is here and "tangible" in his eyes, he completely changes and is a wonderful, hands-on father who does his fair share of nappies, pacing up and down with a screaming baby, getting up to sick children, helping with homework, playing games with them. Thank goodness! I would far rather have him this way round than an allegedly devoted father during pregnancy who wants to attend every appointment, feel every kick, then who sods off down the pub at the first sign of hard work once baby is here.

northernlurker · 23/09/2013 00:22

I think a lot of fathers struggle to feel a connection with a pregnancy - or at least to show this in a way which satisfies their partners. Carrying a child is a completely involving experience and all the father gets to know is what they're told - plus seeing baby on a scan, hearing a heartbeat, feeling their partner's stomach bounce up and down. It's not very 'real' is it? There is a disparity. As long as they 'get it' when the baby arrives, and they nearly all do, it's fine.

Jorior · 23/09/2013 06:22

I'm pregnant with DC3 and even though my DH is warm and sensitive, he didn't connect with any of my pregnancies but was filled with emotion as soon as the babies were delivered. I think it's hard for them to bond with a bump.

ElleCloughie · 23/09/2013 11:24

My DH reacted much better than I thought he would when he first felt LO move. He's not one for being emotional or anything, so I was surprised how chuffed he was - it helped that she was practicing her kickboxing at the time so there really was something to feel! However it is only towards the end that he will put a hand on my tummy to see if her can feel her without me saying anything, though finding out the sex has made a huge difference in him being able to bond - and my now massive bump! I didn't get a proper bump until I was over six months, and he used to say it was like I had an imaginary friend that only I could see and feel. Since we found out that we are having a girl I think "she" has become more real for him. Interested to see how he reacts once she actually gets here...

Ginnytonic82 · 23/09/2013 16:25

My DH couldn't feel the kicks for a good few weeks, he was really frustrated. Now at 33 weeks the baby is making my tummy do some really weird stuff and he loves watching it. He's been a bit weird at the scans though, last one we had (28 weeks), he compared the baby to a velociraptor!

NotALemon · 23/09/2013 17:14

My OH went "Eeeeeeeuuurgh!' and whipped his hand away the first time he felt our baby He's gotten more used to it now, though he does still reference that scene from Alien when my tummy is moving all over the place!

Andanotherthing123 · 23/09/2013 19:17

To be honest, I feel a bit icky when I see baby bumps on other women and sometimes even looking at my own. If I was a man I'm not sure I'd want to feel kicks...don't know why i'm a bit squeamish about it all since this is DC3, but I am. DH doesn't do much putting hands on bump as I like my own space and it just irritates me. DH and I always joke that I'm the man in our relationship! Am sure your partner will fall in love when baby's here.xx

Smartiepants79 · 23/09/2013 22:43

I think a lot of men feel little connection to the baby until its born. It's hard to connect to something you can't see or feel.
My husband enjoyed feeling the kicks and seeing the scans but until our daughters were born he didn't really feel they were anything much I do with him.
Once they were born however he bonded much faster than I did.
It was weeks/months before i truly felt 'love'. They were amazing but...
The rush of love thing can be a bit of a myth. I only know one mother who had that 'instant' love at birth. The other 10/12 mums I have asked all agreed it had taken much longer than that.
If you are a first time mum try not to have too high expectations for how you will feel. Chances are you'll be so knackered it might take a while to get that connection.

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