Why do people only ever tell you the bad

[Sarahmains40]

Hi I'm 11 weeks and most people know now partly to over excitement and partly to serve sickness.

My two close friends and my mam are really supporitve and give me sensible advice. My mam lost her first baby after he was born two weeks old and she still sees the positves in her pregnancy with my sister a I.

At work aside from a couple of close friends seems on going out of there way to scare me! I haven't gone in to pregnancy lightly it's took me years to think about and decide and I have only negative things like "oh wait till your massive and can't see your feet. "

"Oh sarah you can't drink now for 9 months." ( I hardly drink any ways and when I said this she came out with. "Wait till you've had no sleep and your miserable you will take up drinking that's what kids do to you"

I do feel really crap at the mo serve sickness and exhausted and instead of been supportive I hear oh this is nothing wait till your heavily preganant. Not to for get the labour.

I'm particular scared about the labour and if I'm honest it's one of the reasons why I didn't take pregnancy lightly. And work mates to out there way to scare me about labour.

They'd just go out of there way to to tell me how unrewarding parenthood is and how it ruins your life.

I'm 27 and my hubby and I have been together 10 years we have done lots of travelling spent money on silly things bought a house renovated it. Done all the things we wanted to do before having kids but I won't feel like I've give it up its a new chapter in my life.

Why do they put a downer on something that I want to be happy and excited about. Now I'm living in fear and worry :( q

Sorry for massive rant just needed to get that off my chest

Hi,

Firstly, congratulations. It is such a wonderful thing being pregnant

I am 20wks and 6 days. I had awful sickness at the beginning(my commute to work is a 20min drive, my record is 12 stops to be sick!!) I was also tired, totally off my food and scared as shite of everything.

However, I felt the same, everyone has something to say that is not helpful, they say things like "oh you won't be smiling when you haven't had any sleep", "you think you are tired now" etc etc etc, I swear to god, it's a wonder anyone has babies if that is their attitude!!

I don't really know what I was expecting though, a lot of people were excited for me but turned into 'experts' on my pregnancy!

I would personally do what I did and say "at leasts it's me thats pregnant then as I don't think you could hack it!!"

Watch out for people touching your tummy whilst asking permission, people saying "wow you are so having a girl/boy" and "gosh, you are massive/tiny"

As long as you are positive about it and try not to listen you will be fine. When you have your first scan in a few days, I am sure you will start to be able to blank them more easily!!

Enjoy it all, sickness, swollen feet, tiredness and cravings and all!!

xx

Oh some people just speak because the feel they have to! People love to have an opinion! Try to ignore them because they're wrong. I was 26 when we decided to have dc1 and we like you went on loads of hols, had a nice house and quite honestly got bored of going out every weekend so it made sense. Having a baby is life changing obviously but in such a nice way. Pregnancy gets easier and I find it hilarious that I can't bend down and do things that I'd usually do, and waddle around like a penguin, it's all temporary so make the best of it and enjoy it! x

Thanks ladies. I'm not totally naive I new pregnancy wouldn't be easy and raising a child too. But I always picture the positives when I think in the the future about my hubby and I with a family. But it's becoming increasingly hard when most of my week is at work with witches trying to scare me lol

I focus on the positives too! I didn't think about the labour, expect for the birth plan - was induced so even my vague plan was out the window! All I knew was I wanted an epidural - once I had it, I was happy out!

It's hard to ignore naysayers but I always try and come back with a positive, which stops them in their tracks

Take all advice and opinions with a pinch of salt! You will never hear the end of it even when baby arrives the advice will come pouring! :) enjoy every moment, at the time 9 months may seem an eternity but really it whizzes by so enjoy it!!! Oh and remember no pregnancy or baby is the same so don't compare congratulations!!

I think what bumpie said is a good idea, just come back at these miserable people by saying it's a good job it's you going through it and they couldn't hack it! Or just say oh i had no idea i was going to get bigger! It mustn't be nice if you get it every day, but just try to make them feel stupid for saying it and hopefully they'll stop! I hate negative people! x

I think this negativity is a very British thing. I LOVED being pregnant. The high from endorphins was great, I felt so calm and able to cope with everything. Enjoy!

Hi Sarah sorry to hear you are getting such horrible responses from people around you, ignore them and try to brush their comments off as much as possible. It sounds like they aren't happy in their own lives and so can only see the negative side of things and always focus on the bad, sad really, for them.
This is your time, your pregnancy and your baby. Yes it can be a rollercoaster being pregnant and birth isn't a walk in the park BUT this is going to be such a huge event in your life. Becoming a parent is a blessing, something many people spend their whole lives wishing for but sadly never getting.
Focus on you and your partner and the close friends and family you have around you, people who aren't helpful aren't worth wasting time on. If you are that worried about labour then maybe try hypno birthing or somthing similar, speak to your MW for advice and guidance.
You have so much to look forward to, enjoy preparing you home for baby.
Yes children are hard work but they are so worth it. When you hold your child in your arms for the first time you feel unconditional love and in that moment you know you would gladly give your life for your child. That is what being a parent is all about :-)
Congratulations and good luck xxx

just smile and remember they say those things but it's really all about them, not you. They are actually having a whinge about their own selves and making out what a martyr THEY were. You and your pregnancy isn't what that's about.

I have a 1 year old, and I can ASSURE you, having a baby is not a passport to a sorry existence, FAR from it. I don't say this as someone who had an easy baby, he was a terrible sleeper (worst the HV had come across), but you don't begrudge the little mites any of it. They are such vulnerable, chaotic little creatures, relying on you. I cried some nights I was so tired but I laughed far, far more often. And the love is out of this world. If babies are so awful, why do people go on to have another? hmmm?

Ignore the miseries, like I say, it's more about them than you. It's hard work but oh, so worth it. You're in for a treat, when that little baby looks up at you and gives you its first gummy smile.

People always do this,the scare stories, why oh why tell someone these things. Total twats. I always followed the advice from my dear old dad, smile and wave boys, smile and wave.( he stole it from the Madagascar penguins)
I have three DCS, loved being pregnant, loved my bump, loved gas and air and the little people that have now invaded our lives. There is lots of hard work but also lots of laughter, hugs and kisses. Pure joy.
Don't listen to any of them op and enjoy every minute. Some people are just naturally very negative, that will never change.

They just do, I hated it too! Some people don't really know what to say so they assume they should 'warn' you about something. Guess what, babies cry, who knew!?

Do try to ignore it and enjoy your pregnancy as much as you can. Speak to your midwife about your labour fears, they can help you to work through that. Good luck :)

Ladies I'm am in tears reading these lovely supportive posts thanks for all your kind words the tears also could be my raging hormones lol

I do think when they are saying such negative things that they are miserable in there own lives. Scary thing is these ladies have got two three and even four children. If the first was so soul destroying why have more.

When there bad mouthing preganacy and parenthood I'll just think of these lovely posts

I don't particularly enjoy pregnancy as such but have had 3 quite easy ones with no sickness or much illness. I'm at the end of my 3rd now and this time have felt the best really. I ve kept active and have always though about labour that ' hell, if they can do it, so Will I! ' I don't wind myself up thinking about it. My last labour was pretty good and I think that is because I was calm about it beforehand.
Think about all those real hypercondriacs who moan about the slightest headache and whose pain threshold is 0. Some of them get through it so you can too !

I got lots of that, all three times - but I got lots of happy smiling and staring too. I had my first DD a few weeks after 9/11 when the whole world was kind of in shock. It seemed to me that I had lots of people seeing my (enormous!) bump and smile. Maybe it was MY hormones, but it felt very hopeful and positive. Hope you get more of the silently smiling people in future (not the bump-grabbers, that's just odd ...)

I didn't mean I don't enjoy having kids btw I meant the 9 months to get there but that is a tiny price to pay for the happiNess and joy kids bring. Much rather that that missing out on a few vodkas and stumbling home to an empty house after 4 hours! The best thing is that children love you unconditionally. I enjoy my crazy life with hubby and kids. You Will sacrifice things for sure and you may start to buy your own clothes in charity shops and buy asda smartprice foundation from now on but my life would be meaningless without my little nippers driving me mad everyday.

I don't know why people have to be so mean OP, but I think it's a really common experience, sadly.

FWIW we have 2 DCs and though we are often tired they are wonderful. Just last night DD giggled for the first time, at her big brother - DH and I just hovered in the hallway watching, it was so beautiful!

Exactly, if it was so awful nobody would ever have more than one would they? :)

Oh, my labours were nothing like as bad as I thought they would be, really.

Oh I'm sorry you feel rubbish atm. Early pregnancy is exhausting and the sickness is so demoralising. And when you're feeling rubbish, you tend to only hear the negatives. I'm sure there are some positives too but in the defence of all non-pregnant people, some of it does have an explanation. Bear with me. The comments about feet and aaaah you think you're tired now etc, that's all people just trying to be funny. It might be cack-handed and unwelcome but they're trying to share in your pregnancy with you and it's a v British way of doing it. When you have a baby, you'll get oooh wait till you have a toddler and they're wrecking things or it'll be ooooh enjoy having a pre-schooler, wait till you have a fecking teenager. It's good old British gallows humour. The other thing is, some people will have had a bad time of it when giving birth or having young dc. And a lot of them will wish desperately that they'd been prepared for the reality. In their own way they'll be trying to help. I've had many friends who refused to hear any negatives in pregnancy and then rounded on me with a 'why the fuck didn't you tell me?' months later. We also do that thing where we don't talk about the good bits as it sounds either smug or a bit fake American over-sentimentalised, non stiff upper lip esque.

Of course there are also some bitter, nasty twits out there and if you're confident you're conversing with one, I'd just vomit on their shoes. Accidentally like.

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Having dc is a brilliant, life-affirming, overwhelming, wonderful, marvellous thing. Promise. I can't say that shit out loud though. I make jokes about how hard it is to tie your shoe laces at the end instead.

Arf at vomit on their shoes. Wish I'd thought of that....

But do please sit on the first person to tell you how massive you are. It's the only way they will learn to shut up and stop bothering you.

It's weird, isn't it? It is hard work, but if you we're running a marathon people wouldn't be standing on the side lines shouting out to you about terrible it was when they did it!

I can tell you about my two lovely births. Hard work, of course, but I kept waiting for it to get as bad as everyone told me it would, and it just didn't. And the feeling of power and achievement afterwards! I just felt amazing! No-one ever talks about how good birth can be (for some people - I'm not negating any one else's experiences).

I'm all for the power of positive thinking. If you we're preparing for that marathon you'd be telling yourself that you can do it, whatever happens, and focusing on the finish line, not dwelling on the bits that ARE hard. Seek out positive stories on t'interweb to counteract the naysayers. They are there!

The experience is different and completely unique for everyone so take anyone's horror story as their story; it has no bearing on how your experience will be.

Of course it's not all fun but I really enjoyed my pregnancy, such an amazing time and journey as a woman. My DS is now 4 weeks old and I have never in my life fallen so deeply in love with anyone like I have with him. No words can prepare you but it is so overwhelming.

Creating this little man with my DH and having his love and support throughout the birth (which went a little off plan) has infinitely deepened our relationship to a level that I never knew existed.

My DH is back at work now and getting irritated by a lot of negative people going on about how glad he must be to be back and away from a screaming baby - when he wants nothing more than to be home enjoying our new family.

I think people are generally uncomfortable articulating the positive and emotional aspects of pregnancy, birth and parenthood in casual conversation and so revert to negative and very mundane chit-chat.

It's annoying but completely irrelevant to your experience - stay positive and enjoy it!

I'd like to add my thoughts about labour and motherhood. I was scared of labour too, but I did preparation through yoga classes, active birth class and my own little hypno routine. And it really helped. I had a very sudden onset of intense labour but was able to cope with this, and with bleeding throughout labour, using these techniques and the fantastic tens machine and gas and air. In fact, I enjoyed labour, and just thought. I'm doing this, I'm really doing this!
As for motherhood, my ds is 6 months and is not an easy baby but a spirited strong willed little chap! He has had probs with food intolerances, reflux, sleeps badly, won't take a bottle, feeds are problematic BUT I wouldn't change him for the world. Life may have been easier before, but it felt kinda empty. And a big baby grin and the LOVE make it all worthwhile.

As others have said, all pregnancies, births and babies are different. But all things worth having are hard work at times, and there are plenty of greats too!

Take it all with a pinch of salt. Pregnancy, birth and motherhood are a gift, profound life-changing experiences many would give anything to experience. For some reason it's not the done thing to admit it, but to keep a stiff upper lip and moan!
If I'm honest, I hate being pregnant. But giving birth to both my babies were experiences I would relive over and over again. Just wait till the midwife hands you your baby - there's no feeling that can touch it!
My DS is nearly 3 and DD 5 weeks - I already want to do it again! I didn't enjoy being pregnant but I look at pregnant women and envy the amazing experience they've got to come. Congratulations - enjoy!