Unexpectedly Pregnant! But Boyfriend not so sure...

[moobaloo]

Hello

I've just joined here as I found out yesterday that I am pregnant - eek!

Not trying. Been on the pill for nearly 3 years with no problems and positive I've not missed a single one. So How?

After mind had calmed down slightly I've decided it'll all be fine, we have a tiny spare room which can be baby's, I'm currently working part time and can probably continue this through and after pregnancy with some time off for birth. Have both my mother and my partner's mother both keen for us to have kids and close by for childcare etc!

BUT. I told my partner. (we've been together just over 2.5 years and have lived together for 2 years) and he was like "are you sure?" so I said yes, I'd taken a test etc. he said I should take another because "maybe that one was wrong and hopefully you're not" OK so I took another, still positive. He just says "take another tomorrow, hopefully you're not" and when I said "it's going to be ok right?" he said yes, "because we'll have kids in 2 or 3 years, not yet" hmm.. I think he's in some sort of denial.

I asked him outright if he wanted me to have an abortion, he said that was my choice. I told him I definitely wouldn't have one, would he want to leave me? He said no way and if I was pregnant we'd deal with it, but he thought I should see a doctor for confirmation first.

I've got a doctors appt but not for a week, what do I do in the meantime??

Any advice gratefully received!!!!

Many Thanks

Congratulations! I hope your DP will be on board. Afraid to say the doctor won't confirm it for you, they just take your word for it. Good luck!

First Congratulations we had a similar surprise pg with DD1, we had been together 7 years and the wedding was booked for 20 months after I found out, (so that worked out ok she was a year old 5 days before wedding)

My DH's reaction was one mainly of shock (also on the pill but had been ill hungover) didn't help that I found out on his bday and when he was the other side of the country on a course! When I spoke to him the following day he was quite up beat and positive about it, apparently he had gone out got drunk, punched a hole in a door and got his head together so in retrospect I'm glad he was away and had time to come to terms with it, DD1 (and now DD2) are real daddy's girls and hopefully DC3 (due in 4 weeks) will be too

Thank you both :)

He was v. quiet last night and didn't get up this morning until I'd left for work (11am! He's self employed and didn't have any work on until the afternoon, but still!) I've just come home and he's not here, probably working, but there's a stack of chocolate bar wrappers and "how to make money on the internet" books next to the laptop. Hmm.. I think he's worried about the financial implications of a baby.

I really need to talk to someone about this though!!!!! It's what we do when we have stuff to do right? I want to tell my mum and just talk about it! However I don't feel it would be right to talk to anyone without further talk to him and he doesn't want to talk. grr. Should I just leave him to his thoughts for the next few days? I'm going mad though.

I got sent home from work because I was very quiet and I nodded along sadly when my boss suggested I might be ill. Actually my stomach feels weird and I feel a bit sick - morning sickness or just anxiety? Don't know.

I wish I could see the doctor sooner than next week!!! I can bore him by talking about it!! It's his job! haha

Reading the threads on here is keeping me a bit sane and giving me lots of info though :)

Thanks

Really no advice for you OP, as unhelpful as that is. I was in the same situation (on the pill, took it religiously, etc.) and got pregnant. I had an abortion, so obviously no help with how to move forward from here, but only writing to say I'm sorry you're in such a tough situation.

Hey congratulations
The doctor won't confirm it. Like someone else said. The home kits are so good these days thwy don't need to.

Your dp will come round. We barely have any spare cash and the week after we found out I was pregnant dp got made redundant!! That week was rough. But he got an job with more money so worked out better.

We haven't bought anything new.
All the clothes have come from car boots and a swing chair thing.
The cot was from a car boot selling site £40 way better than spending £200 on a new one.
The only brand new thing we will buy is th cot mattress and the bottles.
Plus nappies etc.
But the rest is all good second hand.
So don't worry bout money too much. Everything is doable and it sound like your mum and dp mum will want to help where they can.
Look for bundle of clothes I got 2 black bag fulls for £40 my Lil has so many clothes now! I think I've nought 1 baby grows brand new.

Please don't worry. And have a chat to your dp.
Becoming a parents is scary. At first I wasn't sure if it was what I wanted so i wrote a note to dp saying how I felt and we talked about it. And now I'm 27 weeks and can't wait for my Lil girl to arrive.

Hes probably in shock as it was unexpected.
But you will be fine :)

we just had a chat and he told me he'd like me to have an abortion, but it's my body so it's my choice.

I said I wanted us to want the same thing as we need to support each other, but he said that will be hard as we disagree.

he doesn't want baby because he thinks it will steal his youth (he's 25, I'm younger) and he won't be able to do anything and it wasn't in our plan etc. I've tried to reassure him but don't really know what's going to happen :( Think I just have to leave him for a bit to think things over but it's so hard as I just want to know it's all going to be ok and he will love our baby!

thanks for all the messages of support.

Congratulations!

I also fell pregnant unexpectedly (well, we weren't using contraception but I was 99% certain I was infertile). My partner was very happy straight away so I can't offer advice on that part.

But, I can with the financial parts! We are both on low income jobs, but will manage. Babies arnt really that expensive, so you still have at least a year or more to think about trying to earn more money.

At least you already have a spare room so don't have to worry about moving (we are in a 1 bed flat that's falling down!!) and you have your mother and your partners mother close by for support.

If your mums anything like mine you won't have to buy anything for the baby, my wonderful mum has bought everything without me even asking! And if not, you can get really really decent second hand bits. The only new thing we have splashed out on (or my mum has I should say) is the pram. Everything else we have picked up at nearly new sales, eBay and car boot sales. Apart from some new clothes but baby clothes are so cheap anyway.

I'm sure your partner will come round, he's just in shock an worrying about the practical side of things.

Good luck.

Oh I'm sorry about the x post.

Please don't have an abortion if you don't want to. It's your body and your choice. If you have an abortion to please him, you will most likely resent him in the future and the relationship won't work anyway.

He may still come round to things once he realises you are having the baby anyway. And it sounds like you have some good family support.

Good luck again.

Im 21 my dp is 28. He was over the moon.
I was the same as your dp. I wanted to do learn at home courses etc and go on holiday.
I thought having a child I couldn't do all that.
I thought I was too young
Now i know my life isn't over. Its just begun. I can still do the learn at home courses. Holidays will be abit harder buy we will have to save.
Now I can't wait to meet my Lil one.

You can come back from an abortion and i think that he would regret it.
When I told my dp I wasn't sure he asked if I wanted to abort. Is said no as I'd never do that. But just needed reassurance that everything would be ok.

Everything's is fine we have nearly all we need. And i can't wait to meet her.

Plan never go to plan anyway! This is just a detour of your plan and as soon as your lil one is born all these worries he had will dissappear.

It will be hard but totally worth it. Xx pm me if u want to chat more x

Thanks everyone, it's all going to be ok!!!

We talked, he doesn't want to leave me, he doesn't have a problem having children with me, he's always wanted it (just not so soon), his biggest problem is money and responsibility, but we chatted and I think he's coming round to the idea :)

SO HAPPY!

It will all be ok!

La la laaaa

so excited :)

Thank you all, so great to hear about your experiences!

xxx

congratulations moo, now enjoy the pregnancy together and enjoy the excitement!

Congratulations!

I think that nature has deliberately given us nine months of pregnancy to allow us to get our heads around the idea.

ten months.. its bloody TEN WHOLE FRICKIN MONTHS. can you tell I'm ready to out the munchkin.

Yay so happy for you :)

Congratulations!
This must have come as a massive shock for both of you. It shows that your DP is responsible if he is worried about money though, as he's thinking about how he will provide. Once the initial shock wears off I guarantee he will start getting excited too

Oh and tell him no one can ever thinks they can 'afford' a baby, you will just learn how to manage.

Yay! See these men just need time to get their heads around it! DH even struggled with the pg's that were planned/tried for!

Agree that u have many months to get bits and babies don't cost too much, you can gets lots of advice on here of what u really need and how to spend too much! School age kids are more expensive but that's years away!

The best thing that anyone has ever told me is this,

There's never a right time to have a baby. There's always something in the way, be it finances, a house move, a career change, health problems, age and many more. But you make it work. What's meant to be will be.

Glad he is coming round to the idea. Just wait until he sees the first scan!!

Congratulations op - really pleased your partner is starting to think positively about it.

I agree with the posters upthread who say there's never a 'right' time. Your priorities change constantly - at 25 we worried about not being able to go out and enjoy ourselves, but that's still a consideration now we're both 30 . Ours is a very planned pregnancy but we still both wake up some mornings petrified about the change and the responsibility and wondering if we made a mistake - but it passes (or always has so far...) so don't get too down if your partner isn't 100% positive 100% of the time.

Good luck - hope you have a smooth few months ahead

I also got unexpectedly pregnant last year at 25 and my DP wasn't exactly over the moon but said it my choice even though he would have chosen an abortion, he too was scared about the responsibility. We booked an abortion but I couldn't go through with it and he was very supportive and is an amazing father to our 6 month old, honestly he lives for our little girl. So congratulations and good luck.

I know how you feel! Found out on Thursday and what with taking the pill all month and being told that I was unlikely to conceive naturally due to a multitude of problems plus only doing the deed once this cycle this is a bit of a miracle!
He has been distant and business-like with me until this morning when I pointed out that this is as much of a shock to me as him and this treatment wasn't very fair. Things have slightly improved now and I hope that things continue to get better as he gets used to the idea, am still trying to as well! Good luck with it all xx

Good Luck Magpie, I'm sure he'll come round. My DP is still not enthused about it, would rather not talk about it really, so I'm trying to keep quiet and just be myself so he doesn't think it's going to change us... I also pointed out I'm freaking out too so it's not just him!

He asked if we could sue the pill company. haha. But he confessed he's feeling quite smug as he read something recently about how some couples are compatible in conception, and other aren't even though they may both be perfectly healthy and functioning normally, so he's chuffed we're so compatible we beat the pill! funny man.

How funny mine wants to sue the GP for not warning me about the antibiotic interaction!! Sounds like we are in a similar boat. Hopefully it will get better from here forward.....