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How to help post natal depressed woman?

3 replies

TheDietStartsTomorrow · 18/09/2013 22:30

I teach a class to adult women in the local community and as part of my role, I counsel and offer advice on a range of issues. I have a student who appears to be suffering from quite severe post natal depression. She contacted me some weeks ago and since then I've listened, advised and referred her to te best of my ability.

Just to provide a clearer picture: she says she feels worthless and totally useless. She has no drive and motivation for anything in life anymore. She does not take pleasure in her children, her family or anything else around her. She looks around and sees that everyone is having a great time and living a great time whereas she herself is useless

I've spoken to her on many occasions, listened to her and sympathised with her. I'm not qualified to counsel in depression but I've tried to remind her of the wonderful relationships she had with her children and how her husband is loving and caring (her own words). I've tried suggesting she spends time with close friends and family members who can help support her, that she try going out, speaking to others in a similar position etc etc.

It has come to a point where doesn't respond to anything I say and constantly repeats the same things over and over again. She's very, very clingy and very needy. She rings me repeatedly (5-10) times a week and I've now had to stop answering her calls. She stops me as I move to my lessons and stands in the corridor repeating the sane things to me. After class, she asks me to stay behind and help her somehow.

I honestly don't know what else I can do for her. Part of me is racked with guilt that I don't give her the time and compassion she needs whilst the other part of me just wants her to leave me alone. I've spoken to her family members and they are at their word end with her. They've tried, in their own ways, to help but she is so depressed she doesn't respond to anything. Her sister thinks she's making if all up and is seeking attention. Whilst at first, I was startled that she could be so dispassionate about someone who clearly needs help I've slowly begun to realise that her sister knows her extremely well and recognises patterns in her behaviour.

Although her sister also makes an effort, she has her own young family and she is finding it more and more difficult to hide her fustration with her sister. With a baby and two other young children of her own, she cannot always make time to be with someone who says she wants someone to physically feed her, sit with her all day and constantly listen to her. She literally clings to you when you are around her and its hard to shake her off once she's grabbed your hand or arm.

I do not know what else to do. Throughout everything, I've constantly told her she needs to speak to her doctor and that she needs medication. I tell her thins at least 4 times a week. She refuses to do so and I feel I'm going round and round in circles with her.

I'm not close to her in any way. I've only known her for less than a year. I would by no means refer to her as a friend; rather, just as someone I know because she attends my classes. I know I'm not responsible for her and my husband thinks I should just speak to her family and let them deal with her by forcing her to go to the GP. I however, cannot shake the guilt I feel at ignoring her.

What do I do?

OP posts:
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cravingcake · 18/09/2013 22:42

You have tried the gently gently approach, the speak to your gp thing so maybe its time to tell her straight. That she must speak to her gp as you cant help her any more. Make it clear that you will still listen to her but until she goes to her gp & gets professional help in some way you cant carry on. Offer to sit with her when she phones the gp, or even drive her to the appointment if you can.

Its very tricky but when you have tried all the other options putting it very simply to her face may shock her into sorting herself out.

ExBrightonBell · 18/09/2013 22:48

What support structure do you have within the organisation that you do these classes for? Is there a supervisor/manager/senior member of staff you could discuss this with? If you are counselling adults surely you will have a procedure for when someone presents to you with an obvious mental illness that is beyond what you can deal with?

Sammi1986 · 18/09/2013 22:53

Hi there, I am a mental health advisor and this is not gospel of what should happen, but rather what I would do.

Due to confidentiality etc there is not much you can do in regards to seeking help on her behalf, you could contact the GP with your concerns, but due to your lack of position officially in her life I doubt they will go for it.

I realise you are not close to her, however as you teach a class to her there is some duty of care so I understand your guilt. She has created a bond with you and appears to trust you, could you speak to your supervisor and see of you could take advantage of this bond? Offer to go to the doctors with her rather than trying to go alone.

Most of my clients need a bit of force, it is terrifying seeking help, and someone else taking control can sometimes be the best possible thing. "I am worried about your mood and your safety, so I think it is time we spoke with someone, I am not the person who can help"

I hope you get it sorted :)

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