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Original poster

Nervous about having a boy.....

24 replies

HopeS01 · 18/09/2013 21:20

I had my 20 week scan today and found out that I'm having a boy yey! Smile. I'm a little bit more nervous than I would have been if 'he' was a 'she', because I'm going to be raising the baby on my own.
I've heard lots of horror stories about boys with absent fathers, do you think that's true? That children are worse effected if they are the same gender as the absent parent?

Maybe I'm over-thinking.

More importantly, baby is doing very well and the scan was great Smile!

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ViviDeBeauvoir · 18/09/2013 21:24

Over thinking all the way!
Boys are amazing, awesome, lovely and cuddly (I have two and a girl)
I think as long as you are a good role model for your son that's what matters.

Congratulations!

MortifiedAdams · 18/09/2013 21:27

Overthinking!!

I know a few little boys with absent fathers and they are all polite and friendly young men.

happywithit · 18/09/2013 21:30

congratulation, but never think like this, boy or girl are the same, i know some friends, single mums with girls and they finding it very hard, they are blaming the absence of the father, as they saying that girls like to be with their dad more, so that's has nothing to do with child sex in my opinion, be positive, and enjoy your pregnancy, don't worry to much.

Doodledumdums · 18/09/2013 21:30

I was nervous about having a boy too, for different reasons, but I absolutely LOVE it, he is amazing, the best thing ever! I am even getting excited about Thomas the Tank and future football matches and thoroughly 'boyish' things that have previously been alien to me.

Congrats, your ds will be amazing Grin

daughterofafarmer · 18/09/2013 21:30

I'm also having a boy (We already have a DD) eeekkkkk.

Excited but nervous too!

My friend had a boy as a single mother (she's now married), he's now 11. Utterly lovely, charming and funny. Never had a problem with him. Agree with pp good role model is more important and lots of love

X

Original poster
HopeS01 · 18/09/2013 21:31

Thanks ladies, that's reassuring Smile x

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princesscupcakemummyb · 18/09/2013 21:48

congrats i have 2 daughters and expecting my first boy Grin at first i thought wow how will i cope lol then i got super excited hubby cant wait to meet our son either all will be fine :)

laura0007 · 19/09/2013 07:01

I'm also 20 weeks pregnant with a boy and raising him alone. I'm so happy, happier than I would have been with a girl I'm sure. Boys are so loving, they don't call them mummies boys for nothing! Good luck!

TheOrchardKeeper · 19/09/2013 09:23

I'm a single parent to a boy & he's turning out to be quite the charmer & very 'boyish' despite just living with his mum Smile

Don't worry about all the crap people say about boys with absent dads. My brother has turned out great and our mum was a single parent!

TheOrchardKeeper · 19/09/2013 09:24

(also, DS seems to be much more relaxed & affectionate than his female counterparts which might be coincidence but is certainly not what I expected. Congrats)!

BurbGirl2013 · 19/09/2013 14:07

My brother & I were raised mainly by my mum as my parents separated and dad wasn't around much. My little bro is a true gent and a star who everyone loves, and utterly devoted to my mum! Congrats, everyone I know seem to be having girls at the mo so baby boys seem unique & special to me (am 29 wks, don't know sex, if I'm totally honest longing that teensy bit more for a boy!) x

Shellywelly1973 · 19/09/2013 14:12

I was a single parent to my ds. He's good 24 now. We get on great, he's lovely!

His dad had very little input into ds childhood,his dads choice.

You will love your child for the person they are, not their gender!

CarolineKnappShappey · 19/09/2013 14:16

Boys are great. They tend to be pretty straightforward when young. What you see is what you get. And what you get is lots of love.

Congratulations!

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 19/09/2013 14:44

I have a boy and its fab! I have a little bundle of fun, he's cheeky, cuddly, entertaining and just so funny. And very cute of course!

I'm not a single parent but my mum was and my brother and I have turned out ok!

PumpkinPie2013 · 19/09/2013 15:10

My sister is a single mum to an amazing little boy Smile

He's so much fun and so loving Smile

You'll have a fab time with your boy! Enjoy x

x0gawjus0x · 19/09/2013 15:28

My partner never knew his dad and its the one thing ive ever seen him cry about, he is 26 and i know he desperately wants to meet his father he also has extreme anger issues which i believe is because of this and he has anger toward his mother because of it too sorry to be the odd one saying something bad !

DuelingFanjo · 19/09/2013 15:32

My DS is almost three and so far showing no signs of being a tearaway horror. He's just a child.

I imagine the previous poster's DH's issues are likely to be down to the way he was parented not the fact that there was no father figure.

ShowOfHands · 19/09/2013 15:42

You aren't having a boy. You're having a baby. 'Boy' in this context means nothing apart from the almost guaranteed presence of a penis and testicles.

People say all sorts of things about 'boys' from they're more cuddly or mummies' boys all the way to they're tearaways or they're destructive. Or possibly like dogs. That comes up a lot too.

It's all simply not true. Babies are babies and each one has its own unique personality. Who they are will be decided by this and by the world around them. Not having a fulltime father will have an effect, yes. But only as an incidental circumstance, not as an inevitability. What I mean is that all parenting situations are different. My DH works fulltime outside the home, a friend's DH is a stay at home Dad, another is a single Mum, one has a DH who is there half the time and she is there half the time. All different situations, all have different effects but not measurable and not good or bad. Just different.

Your little boy will be who he is according to the personality he comes equipped with and the love, support and guidance he receives from the people around him.

Please don't worry. You wouldn't accept somebody telling you who you are according to your sex or your parents' marital status. Don't accept it for your boy either.

You'll be the best parenting team he could ever want, because you can choose to be. Don't let anybody tell you otherwise.

Congratulations. You'll be fine.

x0gawjus0x · 19/09/2013 15:45

Actually duel his mother is lovely and he very much enjoyed being with her, but he has longed for his father and still does, its not nice for anyone to go through, it has caused him alot of problems in which he now manages with counceling

27mummmy2boys · 19/09/2013 17:23

I have 2 boys and I'm still with the dad, however on the school yard there is quite a few single women I know whose children are just as well behaved just as loved whose dads are not about. Its not really seen as taboo anymore xx

TensionWheelsCoolHeels · 19/09/2013 17:48

It's not the effect that an absent parent has that really matters, but the parenting you will give to your DS that counts more. Any child that has the support, love and care of a devoted parent, no matter what the gender of said parent is, has every chance of reaching their full potential. Loving, supportive, nurturing homes are not the sole preserve of the coupled-up or married parents. Wink

IsleOfRight · 19/09/2013 20:13

I am not a lone parent but first dc was a girl and I was worried about having a boy as I get girls and am a girl and wanted a whole family of little girls.

Didn't find out the se and when he came out and dh said it's a boy it just felt so right, like it was always meant to be. He's nine months now and so cuddly and sweet.

I do think having a boy is different and am not sure I hold with this whole a baby is a baby is a baby thing, because I feel quite strongly that it is my job to turn him into a kind loving man and although I also need to turn my daughter into a kind loving woman somehow that doesn't seem such a challenge. But it also feels as wonderful to say 'my son' as it does 'my daughter'.

Congratulations.

stubbornstains · 19/09/2013 20:30

Oh my God OP, when I got the results of my scan I was so utterly distraught and weeping so uncontrollably that the ultrasound staff at the hospital phoned my MW to ask her to check on me!

My concerns were much like yours- doing it on my own, worried about "father figures", always having had issues with boys/men (that bit might be just me).

Fast forward four years, and I have the most beautiful little boy. He is such a special little person, and being a boy is just part of that.

Re: father figures- I had a boyfriend for a year, whom he adored, and who spent a lot of time with him. We split up recently, and now we don't see him at all, and it appears to have had zero impact on DS (thank God). He was frequently naughty when the boyfriend around- and he is frequently naughty now Grin. So much for the influence of a man about the house....

The only child I know who makes a lot of the father not being around is a six year old girl. And I secretly suspect that this is because her mother has still not made peace with how things have worked out and still bangs on about it constantly, often in front of her DD

Original poster
HopeS01 · 19/09/2013 20:39

Thanks all :) For sharing your personal experiences and for your advice.
It's only been 24 hours and I'm feeling much less anxious already.

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