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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Loath pregnancy & worried I won't like my baby

17 replies

Teelo · 17/09/2013 17:42

I'm pregnant, hating every second & feel guilty every second. It was planned with my wonderful partner but now it's real I'm disgusted by what's happening to my body & am in mourning for the loss of my life. I lived for sport, my social life & my job. My partner is too excited to understand really. I'm just walking round in a cloud of grief & am terrified I won't be able to love this baby. I think all kids should be cherished but all I feel is resentment. Any help appreciated. Xx

OP posts:

MurderOfGoths · 17/09/2013 17:44

I felt the same when I was pregnant with DS, just thought of him as a parasite ruining everything for me, I hated him with a passion.

Once he was born that changed though.

Pregnancy is hard on so many levels, you aren't the first to feel like this, nor will you be the last. But it will end. Keep holding on sweetheart, you'll get through it.

TeaAddict235 · 17/09/2013 17:56

Teelo, when are you due? I'm due im Feb and sometimes feel annoyed by my fat little tummy always in the way, proclaiming to certain people that i'll be a mum, inhibiting my food intake, ... The list goes on. All that I can say to encourage you, is that the end result looks worth it. Hold on, it's only 9months tops.

Xenadog · 17/09/2013 18:07

At 27 weeks only now am I starting to feel happy and pleased that I am pregnant. My pregnancy was an accident and came at (what I considered to be) the worst timing EVER! I spent most of the summer in tears and hiding this from DP as he was pleased and excited about what was happening.

I think I suffered from antenatal depression and I wonder if that's what you are going through.

I can't promise you will be OK but I do understand the loneliness and isolation you might be feeling. I wonder if it's worth having a chat to your doctor about how you are feeling?

As for the resentment - I really understand that feeling too. For me that was worse than the worry that I wouldn't love this baby. I felt like I had lost everything I valued in my life and was just heading towards a life of misery and boredom. I don't feel like that now and I am looking forward my LO's arrival but it has taken almost 6 months to get here.

beachedwhalesarecool · 17/09/2013 18:18

My friend felt exactly the same, and I was seriously worried about her throughout her pregnancy. She had a rubbish pregnancy, hated the feeling of being out of control of her own body and resented the baby for 'causing' this. It didn't help that when she brought it up with her midwife she was spectacularly unsympathetic and actually made her feel worse. I would have said she was a prime candidate for PND.

However, as soon as the baby arrived.... I have never seen such a transformation. She adored him from the moment he was born, is relishing being a mum despite the usual sleepless nights etc. We've spoken about it since, and she can't believe she ever felt this way; I do think it was a form of antenatal depression. Thankfully she has really embraced motherhood now and I am so relieved for her.

Please try not to worry, I think that feelings like this are far more common than you think but no one likes to admit to being anything other than delighted with a planned and long-for pregnancy.

kelly21 · 17/09/2013 18:30

i was like this with my first i didn't get a bump atall so just didn't think about it was devastated when my waters went i would have bet my life that i wouldn't have felt anything for her the moment they put her in my arms my heart exploded i loved her so much 3 years on and she's my best friend

MurderOfGoths · 17/09/2013 18:46

I was convinced I wasn't going to bond with DS, even went so far as to tell DH that once I'd given birth we were splitting and he was keeping the baby.

Can't bear to be apart from the little monster now though.

It might be worth asking to speak to a counsellor though if you are struggling day to day? Sometimes just talking it through in a non-judgemental space is enough to ease it.

Oh, other thing that helped me was finding out the gender. Made him more of a real person than a life destroying parasite.

MurderOfGoths · 17/09/2013 18:48

Another thing, I feel the same about DC2, even knowing how well it worked out with DS. Pregnancy doesn't agree with me at all! So I'm right by your side here

middleclassdystopia · 17/09/2013 20:10

hi there, pregnant with dc3. I loathe pregnancy. IMO it can be much worse and debilitating than having a baby or child. At least after this is over I can enjoy food again and even a nice glass of wine. I may be tired but it is not as bad as the bone aching exhaustion of early pregnancy. You get your body back and once baby has settled and you have recovered you can exercise again.

I only endure this for the end result!

Seriously OP you are not the only woman feeling like this. Feel free to moan away on here we understand. I even admit to feeling detached at the moment.

Original poster

Teelo · 21/09/2013 02:49

Thank you all so much. I've already booked in to see a counsellor but its a massive help to know there's a chance my feelings will change. Xx

OP posts:

LillyNotOfTheValley · 21/09/2013 02:59

Get all the help you need OP, but remember that for all of us pregnancy has nothing to do with what is socially advertised. It is rather normal to feel incredibly weird, especially for the first one. It is a strange feeling after all! I hated being pregnant with #1 and if I feel better with #3 it is only because I know that I will have a lovely baby in 5 months. Do not worry, you do not have to be the all rosy cheeks happy mum to be from magazines, this is not the reality.

flowersinavase · 21/09/2013 03:04

Your feelings will change. Pregnancy sucks. We're conditioned to love it and 'glow' and do the whole belly rubbing rubbish that we see in all the magazines and newspapers. In reality, pregnancy is often miserable: it's confining, scary, and very isolating. BUT it is merely a means to an end - your baby. An actual person. Not a scan, not a bump, but a person. And that's amazing and truly will make it worthwhile.

Just allow yourself to feel what you need to feel: it's ok not to be the woman in the pregnancy website pictures, rubbing her belly and feeling wonderful. It's ok not to enjoy it and to dream of having your body back. It's also ok to be petrified of how your life is going to change.

You can still do sport. You can still have a job. You can still have a social life. It'll require more planning and organisation than before, but you have not lost those things, they will just take on a different shape.

Claricestarling4 · 21/09/2013 07:35

I hated being pregnant with a passion, but I think my baby (10 weeks old now) is literally the best thing in the world, ever.

The two things have no bearing on each other, and it's a cliche but as soon as you aren't pregnant any more you pretty much forget all about the whole sorry business. It definitely shouldn't scar you for life or have any effect on how you feel about your baby.

Good luck and hang in there, it will be over soon!

Festen · 21/09/2013 15:46

In the early stages I felt like my baby was taking my independence away from me...despite planning and very much wanting to be pregnant. Even now, I can go from being really happy to really quite daunted about being a Mum (and typically when I'm feeling like this someone will say 'You must be so excited' and I wonder if they can hear the doubt in my voice when I say 'yes of course!').

Just bear in mind that there's no one right way to be or feel about your pregnancy and when your baby is born everything will slot into place (that's what I'm hoping for anyway!).

Hang in there OP.

Fairylea · 21/09/2013 15:51

Oh gosh my heart goes out to you.

With my second baby I had horrendous ante natal depression. Ds was a much wanted baby, dh and I weretold we wouldn't conceive naturally and were on the ivf waiting list - and then we conceived naturally!

I should have been over the moon. And I was for about 6 weeks. And then it all went downhill. Pregnancy was ok health wise but I just hated it all, actually wouldn't even engage with dh about the baby or buy anything at all and even during one bleak month told dh when the baby was here he was welcome to it and could fuck off.

Lovely. Gulp.

Luckily... all this was the depression talking. And dh knew that too. I got counselling and medications and when ds was born 15 months ago I was lucky and fell in love immediately and didn't have any of the pnd I had with dd after her birth. (I had depression after the birth with her, the reverse).

Hopefully it will pass for you too. Just make sure you get all the help and support you can. Xx

MurderOfGoths · 21/09/2013 15:54

There is a hell of a lot of pressure to feel happy when pregnant, you are expected to act certain ways that just do not take into account how hard pregnancy can be and the emotional rollercoaster your hormones send you on.

BeansAndCheese · 21/09/2013 16:15

I remember feeling no emotional connection to my bump at any point during my pregnancy. I prepared myself that I had to do my duty by the baby even though I wasn't going to love it.
As soon as I got that squawking little bundle I recognised her (??). She was mine and that was it. Good luck to you. Try not to stress about how you feel now, everything changes after the birth.

SeriousStuff · 21/09/2013 16:28

I'm 37+1 and have felt the same for most of my pregnancy. I've hated the nausea and how restrictive it is, but it won't have any bearing on how you will feel towards your baby. Pregnancy is a means to a wonderful end!

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