the best thing about boys....

[MrsPatMustard]

Had my scan today and found out we're expecting a boy.

To be honest, I've always dreamt of having a daughter and I'm a bit gutted that this is never going to happen (it's unlikely we'll be able to have another child.) I feel incredibly guilty for reacting this way - like I'm the worst mother in the world. Our child seems to be healthy and I'm aware that there are plenty of people who would love to be in my position, but I still can't help feeling sad. I'm worried I'm going to have problems bonding with a boy - are there any nice Mumsnetter out there who can share some nice stories about having boys. I really want to try and shake this sadness off and look forward to the arrival of our son.

I deliberately didn't find out what I was having because I wasn't sure how I'd react to finding I was having a boy, whereas I knew that when I gave birth I would be so excited to have a baby, I wouldn't care what it was.

I don't have brothers or sisters, so I figured I would know what to do with a girl, because I was one. I knew nothing of boys (other than DH) and I think I was a bit scared of them.

DS is brilliant. He couldn't be anyone else. The choice of clothes is limited - there seems to be 3 times as many girls clothes in every shop, so it saves me a fortune.

I don't subscribe to the boys toys/girls toys thing, but others do - never underestimate the stereotypical gifts others will buy. "Boys toys" are brilliant and fun - you won't be bombarded with pink glittery tat.

Old ladies are less likely to give you the stink eye if your child is covered in mud or storming around.

Only thing about being a mum to a DS is that I may end up being one of "those" MILS

The one thing you can say for sure about boys is they have willies.

Congratulations op :o

I am sure you will be thrilled once you actually meet him. I have a DS who is the light of my life and when I gave birth, these were my exact first thoughts:

Oh, I have a boy :(

Oh, I have a BOY!!!! :o

Lovely post from showofhands. I also have one of each, they are who they are and both very different - and going by "wives tales" quite gender specific! I suppose the main difference is that although they are both extremely tactile and cuddly ds is much more physically so - he'll fling himself at me and squeeze hard. There's truly nothing like cuddles from your children - whichever gender - and honestly once he is born you won't care, he'll just be amazing. Be gentle with yourself and take time to get to know him while he's wriggling inside him, soon you won't think of him as anything but who he is! (And as a pp said, enjoy the lack of glittery link tat given as gifts - drives me crackers! Dd is very girly, I am really not....)

Congratulations!

Pink tat, not link tat - not sure what that is!

OP- I am 28 weeks & although we haven't found out have SUCH a strong feeling (as do others by shape of bump but know that's mostly load of old bollo%x) it is a boy and am so excited! I really don't mind either way, but if at birth I was told it was a girl I'd be so shocked it would take a while to digest, so in this way know how you feel.

For me- there is nothing worse than super cutesy mini-me girls, all dolled up in pink and purple and sickly sweet as so many women inflict on their daughters. I would love a boy, a mum-son bond is just amazing and so loyal and lovely to see and all men surely secretly long for their own son to carry out hobbies with etc. I secretly think little boys are cuter and as they grow into men they are usually so protective of their mums, that will be an amazing thing to have with you as you one day get old(er!). All the best & no doubt you will fall in love as soon as you see the little guy x

Aww what a shame you feel this way! I think you'll change your mind once he's in your arms. I wasn't fussy about what gender I had and got a boy, he is the sweetest little thing, he's not like a thuggish little bruiser he's cuddly and cute! It's only superficial stuff that you miss out on like nice girly clothes and painting nails etc but those things aren't really very important! x

Aarrrrrgggghhhhhhh!!!!!

There are a gazillion threads on this theme and they never end well. Either you'll be told you're a selfish cow for caring either way or the mums of girls will come on once it descends into the "boys are better than girls" tit-for-tat.

Your boy is your boy and not like anyone else's. He is who he is already. And if he's healthy, you've hit the jackpot.

Good luck.

I mentioned, last time something like this was posted, that our DS (now 6 years old) is our one and only child (I was in my mid 40s when I had him and hit the pre-menopause about two years after he was born). We decided to have a gender scan because we had a list as long as your arm for girls names and just four names for boys. We wanted to find out the sex so we could either look at more boys names or hone in on the girls names. When we found out I was carrying a son I was a bit shocked. I had this image of dressing my daughter in pretty clothes, going shopping with her, help her choose her wedding dress. Then I realised that a) 'she' may not like having pretty clothes - I hated pink and frills when I was little and was never out of jeans as a teenager b) I have never invited my own mum to go shopping with me as she drives me bonkers... and c) ditto never inviting my mum out with me to choose my wedding dress. I didn't invite anyone as I trust my own judgement. Plus my daughter may never had been married or I may not have been invited to the wedding! After that I settled into the joy of having a child and forgot about the gender stereotyping that I don't even fit into myself!

I don't have another child of my own to compare DS with but I can tell you that, like my other nephews and nieces, he's infuriating, can cause a mess in an empty room, is frequently covered in a) tomato ketchup - which has long been his favourite food....rolls eyes .....b) grazes and bruises from falling off of yet another 'thing' or c) mud/sand/grass depending on where he's playing. He loves cake making for exactly 30 seconds after which he'll see how many cars he can push through flour on the worktop or how much you can get on the floor if you hold the sieve at different heights. He's bright, cheerful, a human whirlwind and happy go lucky. He wakes up with a smile on his face every day, he makes us laugh and the very best antidote to a rotten day is his giggles and a bear hug cuddle.

He's our pride and joy and we love him to pieces - just as we would if he had been a she.

I was lucky as i wanted a boy and have one. What is not to like They also keep you fit as they normally have to be out and about more or is that just mine?!

Just read my post back, i wanted a boy as i have a no relationship with my own mother so was anxious about having a girl linked to that. You get what you are given. I'm expecting a girl now and i'm just as happy.

"the best thing about boys ...."

...is that the ones you have are yours to love and cherish and teach and kiss and cuddle and play with.

what else matters?

I was the same wanted a girl but knew by the 20wk scan it'd be a boy now am soooo glad and if we had another I'd want a boy all the way. DS is amazingly physical, cheeky, loving i even watch cars and Thomas the bloody tank engine endlessly for him.

I am expecting my second son. When I found out about the gender this time I did also feel upset I'd never have a daughter (I suppose a fantasy replica of myself), but to be honest, gender roles are pretty fluid, and are changing so quickly, I think you have to ask yourself what you are really grieving for? I think a lot of one's feelings can be quite sentimental/unrealistic at root.

For instance, I think there's this cliche that girls are closer to their families/mothers when they grow up, but when I look at my friends I'd say that a pretty even split of men and women have close relationships to their Mum, largely based on how obnoxious or not they/their parents are :) My own OH is softer than me and communicates better with my family than I do!

Also, with childcare patterns changing (again, among my friends the 'main breadwinner' is evenly split between genders) the whole concern about being the dreaded MIL to wifey with control of baby is also potentially unrealistic

Finally, I think all but the noblest of us expect/presume stuff of our children related to what we ourselves are like - and gender is just the first thing we fixate on and first lesson in the fact children confound our assumptions.

If you're a very brainy couple, having a child that really struggles intellectually can doubtless be a shock - if you are really sporty and expect an intrepid little one to go skiing with you aged 3 but get a really timid, outdoors hating child, likewise.

I'd go so far as to say that if a lot of us who sort of thought we wanted a girl had the choice of oh - but what about a totally unmusical/unbookish/unsporty (put in your own preference) girl or a musical/bookish/sporty boy just like Mummy, we might think again about how important gender really is in relation to our other prejudices....

And the point of ALL of the above though, is that a) being a decent parent is loving the child we get in all their individuality, regardless of whether they are what we expected b) quite often, our unmusical, unsporty boy or whatever not only becomes the apple of our eye, but teaches us wonderful stuff about life that confounds all our expectations....

Anyway, rant over.

Apologies as I haven't read the other replies! I have a DS and have just had a DD.

Am not sure if I can explain this very well but with DS I feel a lot less pressure. With DD I worry about our relationship as I had a terrible relationship with my Mum. With DS I get to enjoy it far more - a bit like being a grandparent?! He is 2.5 years and loves to rough and tumble with DH and I have stitches from laughing so hard watching them. Then DS and I get to enjoy fun things like baking and crafts together and doing the less "boy" stuff (I am by no means a girly girl but hate the karate chopping/wrestling stuff). I am more panicking about doing the "girly" stuff with DD as I can't even do a French pleat Here's hoping she's a tomboy!

I was exactly the same and did spend a couple of days kind of mourning the fact that I would never have a daughter. But honestly as soon as I got over the initial shock it was fine. And once he was born nothing could have been better.

Boys are awesome! End of.

Just a general pondering...

I wonder if we didn't find out from scans the sex of the baby, we might not have this disappointment to deal with, as once you've gone through labour, you tend to think the baby you have produced is the most beautiful thing in the world, so the disappointment is less likely to be there??

I felt the same. I was desperate for a girl and I was disappointed when the scan showed a boy but when he arrived I fell totally in love with him. I'm so glad he's a boy and could now not imagine if he'd have been a girl! X

I have in laws who haven't stopped saying 'isn't it nice to have a girl' since my SIL had her daughter - 2 years ago. I have two boys and I have tried everything I can to get them to shut up saying it, including 'don't say that, I have two boys and they are fantastic. I don't wish they were girls'. Nothing works and FIL then follows up this repetitive statement with 'oh, it's lovely to have boys, but isn't it nice to have a girl?'. I don't know why they keep saying it. It's like living with demented, sexist, parrots.

Now I'm pregant with DC3 they've said, 'I bet you'd like a little girl' which kills me. Both my DS are registered disabled and I would donate body parts to change this for them. Surely my ILs could work out for themselves that I am just hoping this baby doesn't have to face the same challenges my boys do?

No dig at you OP, I think what you're feeling is normal and I'm glad you're doing all you can to get through how you feel-I'm sure you'll soon get to the point where you're feeling that excitement about meeting your boy!

I was exactly the same as you, really wanted a daughter. When I had my third son I was very upset. How stupid was I?
My boys are now in their 20's. I adore them, they are my life. They are kind, considerate wonderful human beings.
They look after their mum, and there is NOTHING nicer than being surrounded by three beautiful,gigantic sons.
You will be completely fine.

I will post my stock reply on this!
Lets stop thinking about it from the parent point of view and think from the child's. Unless you are having a huge age gap (and even that probably doesn't matter) your DS1 will now have a ready made best friend, for life. Same sex siblings are so much closer and get on better than the stereotypical boy/girl combo. Yes they may also fight more but the bond between them is really strong. I have 2 DS who are 2 yrs apart and they are so close, it's lovely. I am sure a boy and girl would not be that close - especially as they get older. Speaking as someone who is a sister to a brother herself, with no other siblings, I would have loved a sister. I have nothing in common with my brother and we are not close.
So that's my 2p on this!

cramtea

not necessarily true. I know a lot of same sex siblings who can't stand each other.

my sister and were far from best friends and I always fought. siblings of any combination are not a guarantee that they will be best friends or even like or get on with each other.
just saying - I think compatibility depends on character rather than any other aspect.

we have 5 boys and a girl.

the eldest 2 argue a lot, but actually all 5 boys can get on or end up arguing - you can never tell.
there are fights between them in possible combinations - DS2 tends to be in the middle of it most of the time (he is the most stubborn of all)

the only thing they agree on a 100 % is that they all adore their baby sister.
but they fight over who gets the next cuddle with her..hours of fun!

There's some very good points made here (I also sense I've hit a nerve with some people....)

I'm not sure why I having a girl felt so important, I suspect it's probably because I come from a family of women. All my cousins are girls and my immediate thought when I found out I was having a boy was 'I don't know anything about boys - what do you do with boys???' But I guess it's a learning curve with every child - regardless of gender - and more about individual personality rather than stereotypical gender roles.