Calming the fears- tips

[juicyjuice]

Hi all,
I've posted a couple of things on here, some of which have displayed my neuroticism already but here I go again...
I'm currently 20 weeks pg and seem to spend my time crippled with fear about my baby. I have my 20 week scan on Wednesday and have also had two other successful scans (one private) and heard baby's heartbeat at 17 weeks. Despite all this I keep reading up on potential problems, panicking if I don't feel the baby move (or think I can feel it) and have been having trouble sleeping as I am so worried. Does anyone have any tips for dealing with the crazy? Or is this just something I have to deal with? Any advice would be appreciated...

I think just try to accept that what will be will be, and that the odds of all being well are hugely in your favour. Hopefully you'll feel better after the anomaly scan... I know I did (I was a bit of a basket case before after a miscarriage last time round).
After the 20 week scan maybe try to focus on the things you can control - read different books on baby care, feeding etc. as that might help with the worries once the baby is here... It can get worse after they're born, I checked dd was still breathing many a time in the early days!

Hi Juicy, I'm sorry I don't have any tips because I'm the same as you. Is there anything in particular you're worried about?
I've completely fixated on the fact that I was exposed to fly spray a couple if times - I'm just seven weeks. I read that it can cause birth defects and increases the chances of leukaemia in infants if the mother uses it when pregnant.
Everybody keeps telling me not to worry but I can't see how you can't when you read something like that.

I think you are experiencing anxiety and need to keep an eye on it (have been diagnosed with anxiety/depression and treated myself). It isn't 'par for the course' or 'one of those things' to put up with constant worry/anxiety, but thankfully there are some good strategies you can learn. CBT can help enormously - worth speaking to your GP/midwife to seeig you can be referred for it.. I would also recommend a book called 'the Worry Cure' by Robert Leahy which is really good for helping you recognise the unhelpful trademark thought patterns of anxiety. Don't put up with it! Nothing bad has happened with your baby and in all likelihood nothing bad will happen, but you don't have to be miserable every day because of the irrational fear that it will - there are steps you can take and help you can get.

Thanks for the advice- I appreciate that worrying during pregnancy is to be expected but I don't want it to take over my life! I will definitely check out the reading material

I'm in the same boat, Juicy.
I have had diagnosed anxiety for yeeears, but had it pretty well under control until I got pregnant!
Now I'm worried about everything. I mean EVERYTHING. There's not a day goes by I don't panic about something, and it's exhausting - both for me and my husband.
What hasn't helped - at least for me is how unavailable midwives are for questions. The phone number I had to contact my midwife team's message service (seems you can't just ring a person directly) just goes to the hospital switchboard. Less than helpful! I was told to go to A&E if I had questions, ffs. So, you're left with the internet for your concerns, which as I'm sure you've noticed, is a TERRIBLE idea! Seriously, stop googling your fears now if you are still doing that. It will just make you crazy. Instead, find a good book you trust.

We anxious types have to accept we can't control everything. We can just do our best with the information we have available to us at the time.

Go to your GP and get referred to CBT - I was told there was an expedited pathway for referrals for pregnant women, though they haven't heard of that in my area.
If you have concerns that can't wait, google Tommy's charity - they have a midwife line if you can't get hold of yours like me.

Finally, please prioritise self care. Do things that make you laugh (and don't, like me, then google whether laughing a lot can hurt the baby!) and relax you.
Women go through pregnancy just fine in far more perilous situations than us every day.
Good luck! I need it too - seriously, I so get it.