pregnant confused and in denial

[harleym]

Im a regular but have namechanged.

Im 42 and we. Have 3 children, all planned. We have been discussing having a fourth mainly as I have 3 of one sex and would dearly love the opposite. This is not the only reason though bss I genuinely wanted another. My dh was happy either way.

Now gor the first time in my life I have an unplanned pregnancy. I am still very early. I cannot believe it. Now you would think as I was already considering a baby id be happy. Its almost like I like the idea but the reality is, I cannot think of anything positive.

Our life is good but already hard.two of the dc's are young. We both work snd there vis no possibility of cutting my hours as dh could not support me financially.

Im now suddenly mourning for the freedom that I won't have. Holidays that will now be s nightmare again, just as they have gotten easier. We barely have any time for ourselves snd very little family support. This will only get worse. All i can think is by the time er get sny time for ourselves we will be pensioners.

I am very pro life normally so wouldnt usually even think of a termination but it has flashed through my mind.

I know no one can tell me what to do but please tslk me through if you have advice or similar situation.

I have told no one. Not even my dh. I just cannot think straight.

I think the pregnancy hormones really can play havoc with your emotions.

I have been proper emotional which all made sense when I found out why.

yes! I bet! From my experience you just cannot quite decide how you feel precisely because of the bloody hormones!

Do you have anyone you can confide in, in RL? Even a nice friendly GP might be able to talk with you?

First of all, sit down and have a

I was in a similar position. I had 3 and felt that our family somehow wasn't complete. When I actually got pregnant, the reality of it sort of hit me, which wasn't helped by all the amily telling us we were mad and asking if it was planned?!

I got over it and now wouldn't change it for the world, but it is hard work!

I am not saying it is the same for you, but just give yourself some time to let it sink in, talk it through with your DH and make sure that whatever decision you make is right for you and your family.

Thanks.
I have got people I could tell but i guess the reason I haven't I because I don't want to admit itout loud. I still feel fine at this stage do no one would guess. Im acting normslly snd still having a glass of wine or two.

Ii s m seeing a nice gp this week but don't know if I will say how I feel as I don't want it to look like im depressed or not coping.

I too will get busy bodies asking if im mad etc. My life is already hectic do uou can see why.

How are you feeling now? Sorry I'm down under so in the wrong time zone probably.

Try and let it all sink in like the advice ^^

hi harleym. I've been awake since 4 am as I can't sleep for worrying (or hormones) as I think I'm pregnant. I'm 41, got 2 girls, and we'd tried for dc3 last year. unfortunately 2 pregnancies didn't work out, and I've spent the last 6 months getting my head around stopping at 2.

I totally know what you mean, weird reading it as I might have started the same thread! I keep remembering how weird my head goes in the early weeks and trying to stay calm. god, I've not even poas yet. totally focused on fact that finally got rid of buggy this week and how free this summer felt without needing to follow toddler routine. at least its a wake up call if I'm not pregnant or miscarry again. off to the family planning clinic..

PS also been lying here thinking of termination which has never once crossed my mind in past. sure I wouldn't but its gone through my head...

You don't have to go ahead with this pregnancy if you don't want to. Just because it happened, doesn't mean it has to be.

I fell pregnant when dd2 was less than a yr old. Completely unplanned. I vowed when I was pregnant with dd2 that I would never be pregnant again because I just can't do pregnancy!

I terminated, it wasn't a choice, it was a given for me. I had asked three times to be sterilized before it happened, I was using contraception. 5 years on, I have no regrets, at all!

You have to do what you need/want. And if that does include termination, so be it. That's your choice.

Good Luck op!

Thanks all.

Goosey sorry you're in same position as me but a comfort im not alone!

I still haven't told a soul partly as I don't want yo admit it to myself and partly as I know that by not telling anyone people I dont want to know can't find out by accident.

I doubt id go for a termination but god help me for saying this but ive half thought maybe something may just 'go wrong'. That sounds bad I know.

The other side of me is thinking ahead and I bought some folic acid today!

The worst bit is grieving for a life im not going to have. Thinking of dressing ip and going for a drink with friends. Not something I do a lot but have been enjoying now and then. Wearing nice clothes etv. Im very girly snd now I will be s frump. Trivial I know. Next years hol which I feel I deserve ad work damn hard won't be happening.

Thanks for listening.

Hello

I resurrected this thread as I have now had a miscarriage.

God I feel so low and guilty too after all the awful things ive said and thought.

I told dh last weekdand he was lovely. Said it was fine and we were going to plan one anyway weren't we do no issue.

Id got used to the idea and was quite pleased and imagining life with a baby etc. Then I started bleeding. Had an inconclusive scan but bloods showed falling progesterone.
I feel sad now but spurred on to try for real now. Tell you what these pregnancy hormones mess with your head.

harleym I'm sorry to hear this, please be kind to yourself !

so sorry to hear this, you can't blame yourself at all

hope everything goes well for you now :)

xxx

So sorry, harleym!