Pregnant with DC2 and not happy

[blushingmare]

I've just found out I'm pregnant Can't quite believe I'm having an unplanned pregnancy at 33 - feel like a teenager. I haven't spoken to anyone about it yet - want to wait til DH gets home from work and tell him face to face. But I really feel low about it and just need to talk here if you don't mind.

I don't feel ready for this. DD is 15mo and I just feel like things are returning to normal after having her. She's literally just this week started sleeping through and I have so much more energy for life. I love her so much and just want more time with just her before sharing my love with a sibling.

I had a traumatic birth experience with her and don't feel ready to face childbirth again - my body doesn't feel ready and my brain certainly doesn't. I don't want to be pregnant again now - it's taken me ages to get back in shape again and I just don't want to go back there yet.

It's bad timing for me at work and not great at home, with a house move and building work in the offing.

I just can't think of anything positive about this and that makes me feel so sad and guilty. I have even been thinking about a termination, which I know is just ridiculous because I think we'd probably have been trying for another baby in a year anyway.

Has anyone else felt like this about their DC2?

I don't have much advise sorry. But talk to DH. Its probably just the shock.. Dont make any hasty decisions.
A few people I know have said they find it easier have dc closer together...

Sorry I can't be more help xx

So sorry you're feeling down, it can be really overwhelming finding out you're pregnant - esp if it is a surprise! Would it help you to look at the dates that all these things are happening. Remember that, apart from ms there isn't too much to worry about the preg for a while. You're DC will be about 2 by then and hopefully fully into a good sleep pattern. With building work etc, perhaps things could work around you? Also, I'm sure that you could talk to someone about the way labour went last time and look at your options.

I'm not telling you what to do and of course you'll have to speak to DH, but sometimes it can feel like everything is happening all at once and often with some planning and a calendar it can seem more manageable.

Sending you hugs

Im also 33 and 13 weeks into an unplanned pg. I felt like you that people would think i was daft getting accidently pg at my age but i am now coming round to the idea. This will be dc 3 and thought id completed my family with the second one.

My youngest is older than yours at 3 so i wont have that close age gap to deal with but nonetheless i had started to feel like my life belonged to me again, etc.

On the other hand i could not have gone through with an abortion so this is the alternative and im sure ile love this dc as much as my other 2 once its here.

Only you can decided whats best for you, just take time to think about it and weigh things up. It sounds like you already gave an idea what you will decide but its just going to take some getting used to.

For what its worth my friend had her two ds's 14 months between and they are so close and lovely to watch now they are 5 and 6. It was'nt easy but now she wouldnt have done it any other way.

Hi blushingmare

I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling like this, but as the others have said, it is probably due to shock and it will definitely take some time to get your head around the news. I too have recently found out that I'm unexpectedly pg and I already have two dc aged almost 3 years and aged 10 months! I didn't even tell my DH for a week as I was in denial about it and needed some time to process it.

There's so much to consider about having another baby when you already have a little one(s). However when I see my two DDs laughing and interacting together I know it is definitely worth it! To have a sibling, especially one fairly close in age, I think is the best thing I could have done for my DD and rather than having to share my love, she now has another huge source of love (as well as fun and mischief etc!)

In terms of the practicalities of two children, you will (hopefully) find that DC2 is an easier child as you tend to just slot them into your toddler's routine. So for me, DD1 was well over 1 year before she was reliably sleeping through but DD2 has done so since about 5 / 6 months.

I know you also have lots of other concerns, but just take this one step at a time. Give yourself a few days to get over the shock and then you may just find you feel differently. For me, I had loads of concerns namely about DD2 being only 17 months old when DC3 arrives, going back to work pregnant after my current maternity leave, our plans for a house extension, how to fit three child seats into our car and of course, how on earth can we afford it all if our lottery win is not forthcoming but now the news is sinking in, I'm starting to accept and actually see the positives in the news (eg being able to spend another year off on maternity leave whilst my DDs are both so young)

Sending you a big hug anyway and best wishes for your future whatever you decide

Thank you all. It was quite a shock! I'm feeling better about it all now though. Reading your responses really helped and DH reacted very positively so it's helped me to embrace it a bit more!