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Pregnancy

Talk about every stage of pregnancy, from early symptoms to preparing for birth.

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Original poster

Was/Is anyone pregnant and not happy?

41 replies

milupa · 13/02/2004 20:40

I am 12 weeks now and still can't get over that split condom. Has anyone heard of antenatal depression rather than postnatal!!!
I read all those threads about how happy most if not all of you are being pregnant and I am thinking, what is wrong with me?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Chinchilla · 13/02/2004 20:42

So sorry that you are not happy about this. If it is any help (probably not though!), I would give almost anything to be in your position. Is your dh/dp happy?

wobblyknicks · 13/02/2004 20:46

I only found out I was pg at 6 months (long story, basically proof that the pill isn't 100% perfect!) and I was not too happy.

Was with DH at the time (since had the sense to leave him!), was only young, hadn't planned to have kids for years and wasn't even sure I wanted them anyway. So in the 3 months leading up I definitely had antenatal depression! DD is 7 months old now and its tough as anything but I wouldn't (on most days!) swop her for anything.

Have no brilliant advice to offer though, just remember that whatever happens and whatever you do, you will get through it and nothing ever stays bad forever.

SenoraPostrophe · 13/02/2004 20:48

I wasn't particularly happy being pregnant. Both times I found it impossible to relate to the alien thing growing inside me (though both were planned and I wanted the babies). My first thought after both births was something along the lines of "blimey, a baby" too. Just spent most of the time resenting all the things you're not supposed to do.

I wasn't depressed or anything, just not glowingly happy. However I don't see why you couldn't be depressed and pregnant too - there is nothing wrong with you.

pie · 13/02/2004 20:55

I had antenatal depression, Rhubarb did, she kept an online diary about it. Not sure what the link is though. Does anyone know?

Would you say you are still in shock? DD2 was conceived whilst coil still in place and tbh I think this did contribute as I was so mentally unprepared. DD1 was with a diaphragm but I wasn't very confident about using so somehow the shock wasn't so bad.

I hope you'll be ok, no real advice about how to cope as I am now on the ADs.

aloha · 13/02/2004 21:00

I was utterly thrilled to be pg for the first time...but I was 37 and very much in love with my newish dh. I can easily imagine in other situations and times being very unhappy to be pg. What's your situation?

SenoraPostrophe · 13/02/2004 21:00

There's another thread about it here The second post gives the link for Rhubarb's site.

lydialemon · 13/02/2004 21:03

I got pregnant with DS2 about a year before we had planned. DS1 was being a very stroppy baby at the time - very clingy, not sleeping at night, so my reaction at the news was to get very upset and cry alot. It took a few months before I settled into it, and then it was only because I had a few threatened MCs and realised I did want the baby. It can be a big shock and I definitely agree that you can get depressed before, its a big upheaval even when planned.

I hope you feel better soon.

Linnet · 13/02/2004 21:14

I wasn't happy during my first pregnancy. I cried almost every night over serious things and stupid things. In fact when I think back to it all I can remember is sitting crying most of the time and I remember a friend saying all you do is cry now that you're pregnant, nice! After the baby arrived I was ok.

This pregnancy there have been some complications so it's not been all plain sailing, I've been upset but for different reasons. Now that we've got the all clear I seem to be a lot happier this time around.

Not entirely sure why but I put it down to the fact that my first baby was a surprise and this baby was planned.

Linnet · 13/02/2004 21:15

sorry, meant to put, that I hope you feel better soon.

Quackers · 13/02/2004 21:31

Rhubarbs site is fab. A great source of info and makes you feel like you;re not going mad!!! Hugs {{{}}}}

WideWebWitch · 13/02/2004 21:39

Hi milupa, I was miserable and very down for a lot of my pregnancy. There was some good advice about it here too.

libb · 13/02/2004 22:07

I don't know what to say really - I have been feeling reasonably okay until the last week or two and suddenly feel so out of control! I'm 28 weeks and have been through the mill and back marriage wise - and an unplanned pregnancy with new DP hasn't helped.

I have been feeling so guilty for not experiencing the joys of pregnancy like most and can't wrap my head around having a baby, despite all his kicking and thumping . . .

I have been marking it all up to hormones but realise that it goes beyond that. I have suffered depression before but this time it has knocked me for six. DP is amazing but feeling helpless, I have been wishing I could get a grip.

Lots of love to everyone xxx

littlerach · 14/02/2004 10:42

My SIL is certainly down, probably depressed really - no interest in anything, finished work, doesn't want to be around anyone etc.
I think there is ante natal depression, sure I read about it in a magazine. I would speak to your MW if possible.

highlander · 14/02/2004 14:31

yahoo, a thread for me! I KNEW this was a good site. I've just found out I'm pregnant
hubby is overseas (joining him in a couple of months), my job offer has been withdrawn (I agreed not to get pregnant; no big deal, at 35 kids were NEVER an option for me). Hubby delighted at junior on the way but I'm completely miserable. Wishing I'd had a termination and not told him. I can't bear the thought of a big belly and everyone staring at me, telling me, 'ooh, you shouldn't be doing that when you're pregnant'. I'll go seriously mad without a healthy dose of skiing, running and mountain miking. I'm actually feeling a bit better since I discovered this site - glad to hear you're all sensible and on my wavelength as regards the soft cheese/folic acid nonsense.
Thanks to another thread I'm formulating my elective CS 'privacy and dignity' birthplan.
Anyway, still glum. Don't want to be stuck in a flat on the other side of the world, looking after a howling, puking junior. What if no-one listens and I harm junior? My GP has already made me feel like scum.
All the advice I've ever seen on this site has been sensible, can anyone help?????????

SenoraPostrophe · 14/02/2004 14:42

highlander - where are you moving to?

Don't worry about when the baby comes yet. You may find the feelings go away once he is born (I know you may not, but it's not worth worrying about yet).

And don't take any notice of people who tell you not to do things. They are surprisingly few anyway, especially abroad (in Spain it's v common to see preg women smoking in public for example)

twiglett · 14/02/2004 15:19

message withdrawn

highlander · 14/02/2004 15:27

moving to Canada I have to stay here until the nuchal fold scan has been done. First meeting with midwife on Mon. Dreading it My sister says they start brainwashing you at a very early stage as regards what they (the midwives) prefer you to do. I can't be arsed thinking about anything. My cleaner brought round her daughter's catalougue of prams and cots - I nearly threw up. People don't believe me when I say I'm just not interested. I feel like my life has ended. My body will be savaged and I'll never get a good night's sleep again. I don't understand how people can look forward to that.

highlander · 14/02/2004 15:34

actually, 2/3 of neural tube defects are genetic and aren't related to folate intake. The folic acid studies were done many years ago on malnourished populations and the vast majority of women today with a healthy diet simply don't need it. My GP agrees, it's largely a public health issue. If there was a supplement available to stop Down's, we'd all be forced to take it, even though the vast majority don't need it.

In addition, I found out I was preggars AFTER the neural tube had closed.

For women with a family history of neural tube defects or a previous pregnancy then folic acid is most definitely indicated.

I might be pregnant, but I still have choices.

Blackduck · 14/02/2004 16:07

Highlander, I was/am like you, would love to give advice, but really feel I can't.

manna · 14/02/2004 16:26

I'm 30 weeks with my second, my first is 2 and I'm not enjoying this one at all. No crying (which I'd probably put down to hormonal changes) just hating what it's doing to my body. Creaky coxix (is that how you spell it?), terrible ligament pain and such bad pelvic bone pain this morning in Selfridges that I had to creep along holding a wall!!! I'm tall, strong, healthy and normally underweight, but my first baby was so big (10.3lbs) that I'm dreading the size of this one....... It doesn't help that my ds is very active, and doesn't give me much peace, plus I'm too proud to stick him in front of the telly (saving that one for real emergencies )

This is definately the last one!

By the way, highlander, you'll need all the nutrient and vitamin help you can get. It's not just for the baby - it's for you too. They leach all the goodness out of you for themselves, leaving you with bad nails, crappy hair, terrible memory etc. The suppliments will do you good, believe me

mears · 14/02/2004 16:55

Highlander - why would you need an elective C/S when this is your first baby?

Original poster

milupa · 14/02/2004 17:11

Highlander,

Where about in Canada are you moving to if you don't mind me asking?
There is a good web page on Canada if you want additional info . People write about all the pros/cons about living there.

OP posts:

bossykate · 14/02/2004 17:11

ooh mears, are you brainwashing?

squirmyworm · 14/02/2004 17:34

Highlander/Milupa,
I was a bit like you - got pregnant without really meaning to (though not averse to the idea in principle) and felt very uneasy during the first few weeks. Felt angry about getting fat, angry about getting sick and wanting to eat pies all the time, angry at what I shouldn't eat or do and really cross I could no longer ride (horses that is - in fact I did ride for a while, something I now think was rather stupid). Actually got pregnant on a skiing holiday and had to cancel a riding trip because I would have been 7 months gone. I remember being the most miserable thing - when everyone said I'd be blooming I just felt huge, tired, ugly and clumsy. Right up until I had my baby I also had doubts that I'd make a good mum, felt anxiety that the baby would 'always be around' and neededing me (I kept wondering if it'd be ok to send him to my MIL for a week at a time!) and worried about a lack of freedom because I was/am a very independent, spur of the moment, and yes, I admit it, selfish person. I worried that somehow I'd become a different person when I was 'mum' to someone and that I'd feel downtrodden. I clung to the fact that something deep down in me told me that I would like motherhood if I gave it a chance, despite my rservations and the fact I'd never been much of a baby person.
Now that my baby is 4 months old I cannot believe how happy I am that I am a mother. It sounds corny but he completely lights up my life and I love him more than I could have imagined. It's not made me a different person in the sense I feared, I did get (most of) my figure back and if anyone had tried to take my baby away from me overnight in hospital I'd have been distraught. I hate being away from him and really and truly enjoy his company already, even though he's just a tiny thing and isn't yet doing all the things I thought might be 'the good bit's like talking and walking. I have never felt as content before as I do when he's by my side or in my arms - even if he's snotty and grizzling which like most babies he sometimes is! I know I'm lucky and that not everyone gets to have a magical experience with their first baby straight away for a huge variety of reasons but hang on in there! We're going skiing with the baby next year and I'm riding again next month. Sure my life is different but it's infinitely better. All the best with your babies - really hope they bring you joy

Lisa78 · 14/02/2004 17:42

SW - you've made me feel all gooey! That's lovely

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