How important is it that...

[gillybeandramaqueen]

...partners attend antenatal classes?

I am now 37+3 and am booked in for Friday afternoons. My partner came to the first one with me, I missed the second one due to being ill, and the third one (of four) is this Friday.

I asked my partner if he would be able to come with me as there's only two left and he said he wouldn't be able to make it away from work (a building site) as he needs to make up hours for a poor-earnings week. If he left work at 12 on Friday to come with me, he would only be losing 4 hours of work.

I do feel really quite disappointed but don't want to put any pressure on him. I did say it's not very often in life you have to give over a few hours to prepare for the birth of a child but he just said he couldn't make it. The first class we went to was very busy and practically all mums to be PLUS partners but I was really hoping he would come ay least just to support me. There's only a few weeks to go and he has done no reading up or anything on labour and birth and I'm feeling quite anxious about it all now and how he will be able to support me through the labour and birth.

How important is it really? Does it matter that much? What do you think? It's a first child for both of us so total newbies and thankfully my m will be present at the birth too which is an absolute godsend.... all comments welcomed and thanks for reading! :-) xxx

mum will be present!

I never went to any, so obviously DP didn't either, but even if I had I'd be suprised if he'd have come too.
I don't THINK it mattered, but... DP happened to see a programme I was watching a week or two before DD1 was born where a baby was born by caeserean due to pre-eclampsia, he was totally freaked out by the fact the baby was grey etc until he understood why and that the baby was actually fine. I think this probably did help him enormously when it happened to us a couple of weeks later!
I wouldn't worry too much, or fret about his reasons for not attending, they sound perfectly reasonable and valid. Apparently its natural for a fathers 'providing instinct' to kick in when babies come into the equation.

I went to mine today and there was only 2 dps/dhs and 10 women on their own. I don't think it's that important that they come.

At mine there was only one lady on her own, everyone else had partners/dh. One lady took a girl friend so maybe take a friend along.

We went to all NCT antenatal classes together and also both read up on it, though me more than DH. I think if he needs to work, that's totally understandable, though he might feel like a spare part if your mum is there and he doesn't know much. I would expect him to do some serious reading up from now on. I would be really disappointed if my partner showed so little interest in the big event, and of course the newborn stage. The more he knows, the more confident he'll be about getting involved with the baby from day 1.

Lots of partners at ours but they were evening/weekend. If its during the working week I'd think it was geared towards pregnant women who have the right to paid time off.

If your mum is going to be a birth partner, can't you ask her to go instead? Personally for me it was important that DH came, but if he hadn't been able to then I would have got him to read or watch some info about it instead.

DH came to the first one, but none of the others.

There were only partners at the first meeting. At all the others it was just the pregnant women by themselves.

I was researching like mad on mumsnet. He, er, didn't do any preparation!

When I asked him what food he'd like me to pack for him in the hospital bag he said he didn't need any...until I pointed out we'd probably be there for hours and he could miss several meals!

He just wasn't very prepared, despite me buying him a book to read (which he read half off and never finished).

But he was brilliant during the birth, didn't freak at all (until my episiotomy, but that was only cos he thought it must have hurt whereas I didn't feel a thing!)

My DP isn't coming as he can't get the time off work When we first found out I was pg he planned to come to all the appointments with me. However, at our 12 week scan we found out we are having twins so there are a lot more appointments, so I have to be realistic about which ones he can come to. I've told him I really want/need him there for all the scans (we have extra towards the end to make sure both babies are growing ok) and all consultant appointments. He is happy to come to these. He was also going to come to our special twin antenatal classes but unfortunately they were cancelled due to ill health and I'm not sure if they will be started up again in time for us. He has two DS's from a previous relationship so has some idea of what labour involves, but not twin labour. I have read up on the differences and will be encouraging him to do the same!