29 weeks pregnant and terrified

[IrrationalFears91]

Hi. I was just looking for some advice.

I'm so scared that my baby will be stillborn. It's frightening me to the point that it's interfering in my day-to-day life because I'm constantly aware of when she should be kicking and then totally freaking out when she stops. I'm anxious all the time, I honestly can't ever relax because I'm so scared. I have no reason to be - I know nobody who has experienced this and I'm having a healthy pregnancy. I've tried to talk to DP and my mum about my worries but they don't realise the extent of it, and all they ever say is "I'm sure everything will be fine" but it just seems like they're brushing me off because they can't possibly know that everything will be fine. I don't really know what I'm asking for with this, to be honest. Well done if you've got this far.

Perhaps you can try to "re-frame" your anxiety by thinking about what is making you anxious. You do need to tackle these feelings, because they will always be with you as a parent. You love your unborn baby and can't bear the thought of anything bad happening to him/her and you are anxious because you care so much. However you know that you can't cushion them from everything life throws at them, you can only do your best. The day will come when you have to help them through hard times and cope with the impact on yourself. In the mean time, try to focus on the good stuff and find a way to channel your caring/anxiety into doing something positive to distract yourself.
If You find the worries are overwhelming you and your family don't 'get it', try your midwife for a chat.

I didn't want to read and run please tell your midwife how you feel they will reassure you that all is likely to be well, pregnancy is a worrying time in itself and if you are super aware of your baby and perhaps a worrier by nature it can be overwhelming. for what its worth I did nothing but worry all throughout my pregnancy and like you had a textbook pregnancy. I had a difficult birth induction and emcs but both my ds and I made it. the best advice I can offer you is to try to relax and try not think of what can go wrong focus on things you can control like getting the baby things ready taking time to relax and rest lots. maybe try an antenatal class of some sort.

Chances are everything will be fine. You're right that no-one can ever know for sure, but there's no point stressing yourself over a very very tiny possibility.

Most likely your baby will be fine. Some excellent advice from clobbered and polo above.

Channel that energy in a positive way. Get baby things ready, maybe join an antenatal class, or just spend time on your favourite activity, whatever works for you. Hope you feel better soon.

I was also very concerned about movement at around 25-30 weeks. He didn't seem to be moving and I needed constant, constant reassurance about his health and development. I was distracted to the point where I was hospitalized 3 times with panic attacks because I had been drinking on holiday before I found out I was pregnant. I was beside myself, and no amount of comforting by people eased It.

By the time I got to 33 weeks I knew that the baby would be able to survive outside the womb, I felt a little better. But the anxiety of the potential FAS took over. Two days before my due date I was sobbing tell my DH that I had ruined his life and that of our baby. Couldnt handle it.

There is few oppertunities to relax (particularly in a first pregnancy). Our fears are expressions of our love for our babies inside of us and the start of the amazing bond between you and your child. We cannot control them. What I did when it got too much for me was to talk to my baby and enjoy the love and care you are providing and sharing with them RIGHT NOW.

My DS was born at 41&3, 8.14, 22.5 inches long and perfectly healthy, by the way. Your child will be too.

I too suffered with anxiety when pregnant, my worries about my baby were different to yours but they consumed me entirely and it was exhausting, terrifying and ruined many weeks of my pregnancy that I should have been savouring and enjoying.

You have got yourself into a thinking pattern called "catastrophising". You're thinking of the ABSOLUTE worst thing that can happen and your thoughts are spiralling out of control. You must change this behaviour and the best way to do this is to speak to a medical professional (midwife, GP) and they can refer you to someone for some cognitive behavioural therapy. I also bought a book on this and found some of the exercises in it really useful.

When I was pregnant, a consultant said these words to me "I can't guarantee your baby will be fine. But I also can't guarantee that you won't die in a car crash next time you drive somewhere, but you don't spend your days worrying about that." Harsh but true!

Please speak to your midwife. Buy a CBT book from amazon also - I think I had this one www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/0091906954/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?qid=1378181963&sr=8-1&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70.
Remember your hormones are also playing a big part in all this!

Using CBT I managed to relax and enjoy the last few weeks of my pregnancy. And am the most relaxed, laid back mother in the world.

You've got very exciting times ahead with your new baby so think of everything you're going to do together. Congratulations!

Oh rubbish, I can't remember how to do links as on phone. The book is called "change your thinking with CBT"

Thank you all, some great advice. Mayim, that really is incredibly helpful. Thank you :)

Op I feel exactly the same as you, very nearly started this thread myself. I'm 27 weeks and it is horrible thinking like that I know it drives me mad and have to give myself a bit of a talking to to snap myself out of it before I'm in tears. Not helpful but I do know how you feel and other people brushing it off as a non worry x

I'm 19 weeks and had a really bad patch of this distressing thinking after a healthcare professional insisted on talking to me at length about stillbirth and pregnancy loss. At times I felt absolutely haunted and it completely stopped me enjoying my much longed for pregnancy for ages. Unfortunately DP is a practiced catastrophiser too.

I've found CBT and MBCT (mindfulness based cognititve therapy) helpful for other things in the past so I tried to use this kind of approach to manage my difficult feelings. Part of it is accepting thoughts which arise.

What has helped me reduce the poisonous effects of ruminating on these unhelpful thoughts is to deliberately think about having faith in the little person growing inside me and that I am there to love and support them no matter what.

Unfortunately we are overwhelmed with information about risks and bad outcomes and I think this triggers a lot of basic sabre-toothed tiger threat reactions which make us feel horribly stressed.