Does your partner get involved in preparing for the baby?

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I'm asking this as since finding out we're expecting in January I've been reading and researching about whats involved with pregnancy/labour and how to look after the baby when it comes etc etc.

My partner has really no clue about either and doesn't take an interest in reading any of the books I've been getting out of the library.

I'm very much 'this is a team effort' type of person and won't accept being the sole baby slave at home, although I will be a SAHM and am looking forward to it.

Just curious to know how involved your partners are and whether it would be unreasonable of me to put a little bit of pressure on him to at least read a book or two?

Thanks!

I don't think you're unreasonable to expect him to take an interest in what to buy, how to take care of the baby etc! However, you're still quite early so it may be that it just hasn't hit him yet. It's more obvious for us... Maybe get him to be responsible for sourcing various bits and bobs, like mine has been into car seats and baby monitors. Or go along to a superstore that might help. Also, hopefully he will go along to AN classes and that will make it all seem a bit more real.

But actually I think you should make him read up on pregnancy, so he knows a bit more about what you're having to go through, and he should do that now!

Hmm. On the face of it YANBU. But then perhaps DH is not much of a book person? I wouldn't read a book on these subjects, but do love talking to DH about our plans.

The main reason I don't like to read books is that there are sometimes little snippets of info about what can go wrong/diseases etc. These drive me insane with worry. I am pregnant and simply cannot read about what foods to avoid (had to have my doctor tell me), because I'd end up eating very little of anything. Is there a chance it's something like this?

Perhaps try leaving a leaflet/book open at a certain page in a place he's likely to spend a couple of minutes waiting? E.g. by the kettle.

I had the same expectation and frustrations - but it didn't really work as he's not into reading anything other than the news and was much more engaged when it came to practical stuff like the scan appointments, choosing the buggy, building the furniture and going to the NCT classes - these definitely helped make it more real for him by talking through stuff with other slightly clueless future dads. So my advice would be try not to get too frustrated by it and work out which aspects he will get more engaged with. Some friends have also recommended signing other halves up for the weekly NHS, NCT or MN pregnancy emails so they would get bite sized chunks of info.

My DH is the most hands on dad you could ever hope for. But he had no interest in reading about babies or child birth or breast feeding before DD was born.
He said I could do the reading, he'd do what I recommended and that was that. A bit of a cop out on his part!

However once DD was born he was and has been a very equal parent.

So don't panic if he doesn't want to read all the stuff that you do!

My DH is great and lovely and supportive but like Luxemburgerli says he isn't a book person and has been much more interested in AN classes and the baby first aid course I enrolled us both on.

Also I've realised we approach things different ways - I like to know it all as much as possible upfront, including what might go wrong and think about what I'd do, whereas he deals with things as and when they arise and need dealing with.

Having said that he's not been great at sorting stuff I'd delegated to him (like car seats). But that's partly because once I have a list I can't stop til it's done, and could have been more patient!

So I'd say give him a chance and if anything is key that he knows about it, sit down and summarise / discuss options and read about it together.

Oh and YouTube videos on breastfeeding and washable nappies have been useful for us both.

My oh has been involved in choosing the big stuff, furniture and pram etc but when it comes to clothes and bottles and all the small stuff I just bought it all and showed him. He likes most of it, to be fair he pays for it all and never complains that I'm spending all the time. I'm a bit too organised though and he didn't see things as important at the early stage I was buying it all and now everything's washed and ready well in advance it's no longer a job that needs doing. With ds1 he didn't read any books but if I came across a section that I thought he needed to know about I could pass the book and he would read it. I read loads to be fair and would never expect anyone to read as much as I did. He just trusts what I believe to be the best for our children and goes along with it. I haven't read a thing this time, just hoping it all comes flooding back! x

My DH is really supportive - been shopping with me for baby things, been to (and loved) scan appointments and has been researching prams (bless him you'd think he was buying a car!). He loves feeling baby kick and move now (I'm 28 weeks) so it's all good and he's happy to come to the antenatal classes with me. He's also been great at looking after me when I've been unwell with morning sickness (first trimester) and low blood pressure (since 26 weeks).

However, if I was to suggest he read books/internet forums etc. I honestly don't think he'd be interested. Not because he's not interested in our baby but because I think he would find it too much information and is not the sort to sit and read from cover to cover. He does however take interest if I mention anything I've read.

I agree with other posts - perhaps suggest you go shopping together for some baby things or ask him to look into which car seat/pram might be good (even if you feel you have one in mind). Will he be attending the scans? I think it became really 'real' for my DH when he saw the 12 week scan - he was really pleasantly surprised by what you could see and he also loved the 20 week one seeing how much baby had grown and developed

I'm sure once the scans happen and you start organising practical things your partner will be very involved x

I am a new mum to be (22+4). With the exception of my 8 week booking in appointment, my DF has been at every appointment and scan (we have also had additional private scans and he attended all of those). His even re-arranged client/supplier meetings so he could make the appointments. He looked after me when I was really struggling with HG and still does if it flairs up now. We do everything together in terms of shopping for everything from prams, cots to baby grows, bottles etc. His totally involved in deciding how the nursery should be decorated and we made a joint decision on how we want the birth to go (elective c-section). He has already planned to take a month off work so he can bond with our daughter. We have also agreed to have a night schedule for feeds/changes when she is born.

But my DF doesn't like reading about the pregnancy process or birth etc. I do know that he is doing his own research in his own way. Speaking to his friends, internet etc.

I think I would be really disappointed if my DF showed little interest in our baby. I would definitely say something to him.

My DH wasn't that keen on reading books about birth/babies, but then he doesn't like learning that way generally. He found the NCT classes really interesting on the other hand.

He struggled to connect with dd when she was a baby. He just wasn't as "interested" in everything she did as I was. It didnt come naturally to him at all. But as a toddler they are completely inseparable and he is incredibly hands on and involved in decision making. He just found it hard until she was a bit more interactive.

Like most of the above posters, my DH is an amazingly hands-on Dad, but while I was pregnant he had no interest at all in reading anything. I signed us both up for NCT classes (he wouldn't have been able to make it to the NHS ones) which really helped him as there were lots of other equally clueless Dads-to-be, and he got very involved in researching car seats, prams and monitors when we got closer to the due date.

Have you had your 20 week scan yet? For my DH, at your stage (4-5 months), I don't think the pregnancy felt all that "real" to him but once he could feel the baby moving in my tummy, and when the due date started getting a lot closer, he became much more involved and excited about the birth.

If you're still saying this at 38 weeks then it might be a bit worrying but he's probably thinking that its ages away and there's loads of time so there's no point getting all excited yet.

My husband is the same as a lot of others here, he's interested but only to a certain extent! Im very excited about becoming a mum for the first time and its blindingly obvious to everyone i see, he's excited but only on the inside. he' not a book person so wouldn't read a book,or even the 'dad bits' some books have and while i find watching programmes like 'one born every minute' quite helpful as they give an idea of what to expect in labour he won't stay in the room if they're on! He has agreed to go to my antinatel classes though and I've no doubt he will be the most amazing dad when the baby arrives, but he's just a bit of a typical guy when it comes to the pregnancy and there's no point in me trying to change it.

I'd highly recommend the book Commando Dad. It sounds really cheesy but it's actually a brilliant, funny, easy to read guidebook for dads. It uses humour but it's not one of those horrible novelty books, it's written by a SAHD who knows his stuff. I'd also recommend it to mums to be honest, as it's the best book I've read so far! My brother lapped it up when his wife was pregnant and dp is looking at it constantly now (I'm 23 weeks).

Things I've done to encourage DH to take an active role:

• Bought him 2 books aimed at dads (I don't think he's read them all the way though but has dipped into them from time to time)

• Choosing a name was a 100% joint task

• I asked him to research prams, which he did and I think quite enjoyed!

• Anything I've bought, I've run it past him or we've bought stuff together

• On the day I move up a week, I read to him what the baby should be doing and what's happening to my body

• Now at 34+6 and finding walks hard, he walks the dog three times a day; he has also carried/lugged and cleaned so much as we've just moved house

• I've encouraged him to touch my stomach and talk to the baby

• He's come to the antenatal classes and most of the scans and midwife appointments

For some men, it's a strange experience. They know a baby's on its way but as they don't directly experience the physical and emotional effects, I do think sometimes it's down to us to involve them. Hope that helps! My DH is so excited, to the point where he now hates being away from me in case it kicks off while he's not around!

DH is a very hands on father, but was worse than useless pre birth. He insisted on sourcing aa much kit as possible second hand, but never actually did it, resulting in a mad dash to mothercare at 39 weeks when we thought I was in labour.

He is massively oposed to any kind of advice etc unless it is evidence based, so we never did sleep training or anything like that. He has never read a baby book, loathed nct and grilled the hv for hours at baby checks.

He was even worse 2nd time round!

I give my OH weekl updates on what size the baby is, what is happening to my body and what our task is for the next couple of weeks. A bit like a news report.

He might ask me questions, but he enjoys having ownership of certain 'man' tasks, like decorating (a job we started before getting pregnant), finding a good deal on equipment, supporting me emotionally when I have a hormone induced breakdown.

his involvement has increased as I have inflated, particularly after our 20 week scan.

it is difficult for the OH because they don't feel the pregnancy like we do, so are dependant on what we tell them.

books are fine, but a bit heavy on info. I have a couple lying around the house and if he wants to, he can flick through one, but definitely not forcing him.

I give my OH weekl updates on what size the baby is, what is happening to my body and what our task is for the next couple of weeks. A bit like a news report.

He might ask me questions, but he enjoys having ownership of certain 'man' tasks, like decorating (a job we started before getting pregnant), finding a good deal on equipment, supporting me emotionally when I have a hormone induced breakdown.

his involvement has increased as I have inflated, particularly after our 20 week scan.

it is difficult for the OH because they don't feel the pregnancy like we do, so are dependant on what we tell them.

books are fine, but a bit heavy on info. I have a couple lying around the house and if he wants to, he can flick through one, but definitely not forcing him.