Is it just me???

[TruJay]

I'm currently expecting my second baby (due early Nov) my son will be 4 in Feb. I feel like I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing, I'm very happy to be pregnant with our very much wanted baby I just feel like I have forgotten everything that is involved with caring for a newborn even to a point where I feel like it never happened, I don't know how to hold a newborn, bath one, dress one, breastfeed!

I've done it all before and not to toot my own horn but think I have done a great job so being a bad mum isn't the worry. It's just that I feel I can't remember actually doing it and once they hand me this baby in the delivery room I'll be like "oh my, what the hell do I do now"

This is mine and hubby's third pregnancy, we lost our second baby in a MMC last year so in a sense I never expected this pregnancy to work our either and didn't really accept we were getting to keep this baby until about 24 weeks!

Now I'm here, less than 9 weeks to go, haven't bought a thing and hubby and I are both, I think, quite oblivious to the fact this baby will be here soon!

When I talk to my friends we have a bit of a giggle about it just being last minute jitters and once we have our baby everything apparently will come screaming back to us! So they tell me.

Just wondering if anyone else has felt this way? Is it because of the size of gap between our children that I've forgotten everything or just plain denile because of our previous loss?

Any reassurance please ladies?

Hi TruJay - I'm afraid this is my first (apart from a MMC) so I have no clue what I'm doing either and I'm only 6+4 so definitely don't believe it's happening yet.
Only thing I can recommend is getting over to the posifrickintivity thread where there are lots of ladies PG after MC who I think are feeling very similar to you.

How much knowledge/experience/memory did you have when you had your 1st DC? And like you said yourself you've done a pretty good job of that one :)

There is no right or wrong or set way of doing things, just go with the flow and do whatever feels natural when it happens.

The fact that you care is the best skill any parent can possibly need

trujay I lost two babies (both in the second trimester) between dd1 and dd2 so had a much larger gap than most other people I know (3.8 years). I didn't buy a single thing for DD2 until she was safely delivered and we didn't even discuss names until then either.

However, all my baby knowledge came flooding back and what's more, despite being a nervous wreck while pregnant I am actually surprisingly relaxed now and really enjoying dd2. Also DD1 has been great, really gentle and lovely to her sister and is great at helping me. The MWs had flagged me up as high risk for not bonding and PND due to my anxiety while pregnant but I've been absolutely fine.

So no, you're not alone and I'm sure you'll be absolutely fine!

Thank you all for your replies and sorry for your losses, shittest thing we've ever been through!

stillpukin very true, didn't think of it that way.

mariana our gap will be the same, I didn't want my children super close like some of my friends have yet this is a bigger gap than I would have liked yet I've had a fab time just my son and I and next week he is starting pre-school so I will have some lovely one-to-one time with the new baby too. It's lovely to hear your daughters are close also as that is a worry of mine although my son is very excited about the baby coming!

I'm sure all will be fine when the time comes, its just daunting at the moment, also I think the fact that I have been pregnant for almost 11 months in the past year and a bit that I feel like a baby is never gonna appear!

Every day as it comes I suppose

Ultimately we can't decide what age gaps we will have, it's all down to luck. I look on nothing but the plus sides because I am so amazingly grateful to have DD2. This gap has allowed me to spend lots of time with DD1 and now she is starting school I can give DD2 similar amounts of time one to one.

(There is the same gap between me and my younger sister and we are very close as adults. We were also close as children but sometimes less close than others.)

It definitely is, threads I've seen on here about how awful larger age gaps between your children are make me sad sometimes but I just figure surely there will only be a problem if u put one there. I'm sure my son will adore his yonger bro/sis and I can't wait to see them together

Like riding a bike!....
You'll be fine! These feelings happen. You'll probably be wondering how you'll possibly have enough love for two and MY GOD IVE CHANGED MY MIND next week. Also all normal!
Try not to worry about the age gap either, mine is 14 years!

Ignore those kinds of comments trujay, the people that make them don't seem to have any idea how hard it can be to have even one baby in the first place, nevermind get some kind of ideal gap between that and another. I don't anticipate it being a problem with mine either. All siblings get on better or worse at various points in their life whether they're ten months or ten years apart.

You will be fine, honest! There is 2.8 between my dds - with dd1 I read every book, had every gadget, bag packed at 30 weeks.

With dd2, I literally packed my bag at 39 weeks, didnt pick up a book or read pregnancy forums or anything. Didn't have time for that luxury with a toddler on my hands.

I do remember wondering if I'd remember what to do, as like you, I'd kind of forgotten. But it comes back, honest and truly. And you're much more relaxed this time round as you've had prior experience.

Enjoy, and congratulations on your imminent arrival!

I am also slightly nervous as it was 11years ago that I had my DS. I am hoping its gonna come flooding back to me. Things have changed quite a bit with scans etc since my first baby but apart from that I think it's a blessing that I can finally give my son a sibling! Hopefully being that much older he can can help me a little bit too (she says whilst slightly sniggering! Lol) I am also thinking back to some of the things I did and I won't be repeating those the second time around - I should've done what I thought best instead of being nagged and kinda bullied by my mum and older sister on how to raise my DS.

I'm almost the same as you, ds 4 in feb and my baby due beginning of oct. I'm also just hoping it all comes screaming back to me once the baby comes as I don't remember nap times, feeding times or anything and when I held my friends baby a year ago I was doing it all wrong! Fingers crossed hey! You need to get shopping though, I've got everything washed and put away ready and hospital bag packed you need to catch up! x

I have a ds 12 and dd 9 and dc3 due in 6 weeks and I am really worried that I don't remember anything even down to the fact that I don't think I have bought everything I need it is really playing on my mind that I am going to do it all wrong :( I also had 3 mcs between dd and dc3 so don't know if that is why I am so paranoid about this little miracle even though I was verging on neurotic with my first 2 lol x

It's so nice to know I'm not the only one, I was getting paranoid! Thank u for your comments.

mariana u just have to ignore don't u, some comments I've had about age gaps and about the miscarriage floor me, people just don't get how insensitive they are being.

mummyjetsetter my hubby has next week off work so I think I'll make a start then, start the transformation of spare room to nursery, going through everything I have from my son as kept most things but its all packed away and def needs organising, things for hospital bag etc

Congratulations to those of u expecting also, it'll all come together for us, I'm sure haha

Thank you ladies xxx