New Born in Intensive Care

[LittlePeaPod]

Hi All

I am hoping for some advise because we are at a loss. I am sat here and don't know what to do. Just crying as I write this and we are so devastated and worried for our close friends new born.

This is there first baby conceived via IVF after many years of trying. Having spent 18 hours going down the natural V birth route our close friends baby was born by ECS yesterday afternoon. The baby is really poorly and was transferred to the high dependency unit in our local city yesterday but this morning the baby is been transferred to Glasgow. Does anyone know anything about the high dependency/intensive care unit in Glasgow? All we know is that our friends have been told that the baby has a chance. Not sure what this actually means.

Not sure what to do. We really want to support our friends and make sure they are aware we will be there for them all. Has anyone been through this and can you give me some advise. How do we support our friends without seeming to be intrusive? I am also very conscious that I am 22 weeks pregnant and not sure how this could impact her. We are scared, worried and feeling really devastated on behalf of the baby. It's so unfair, we should be celebrating the birth. Not this.

Thanks for reading

You sound like a good friend.

During these few days aside from letting your friend know that you are there for her if she needs anything I think you need to take a step back and let her and her DH get their heads around what is happening.

Any help you do offer make it practical. They might need to stay in the hospital for a few days so you could offer to go and get them clothes, food, toiletries etc. Or depending on how close you are they might want you to contact close family and friends and let them know what's going on.

One thing I would say is that your post is quite identifiable. Maybe ask MNHQ to take out which hospital they are being transferred to?

I dont know about Glasgow, but didnt want to read and run. My ds1 was born very poorly and sent 9 weeks in ICU. We were told to take each day as it comes, but that each 24 hours he made through were critical. My friends didnt know how to act or what to say to me so just didnt bother. I felt very sad and lonely. For me the most helpful thing anyone could have done was to have been happy for me, come to see my ds1 an spoke about him as a little person not some unfortunate sad thing. Maybe buy her a mommy gift, a gift for baby, sonething to make her feel like a mom, i know i felt my ds wasnt mine at first and that i had to ask permisson to change his nappy etc. also if the worst happens she has some things to keep other than just memories.
Also, if they are at hosp everyday maybe offer to freeze some meals, do washing? My MIL did this an it helped so much.
If they have moved baby to a bigger hosp then baby is getting the best care possible, stay strong for your friend, its a stressfull emotional time and she'll need you x

Its really awful when your baby is in scbu, my dd had a stroke just before she was born and was really unwell but she is now a healthy 5 year old who started school last week. what hospital has the baby gone too? My daughter was in glasgow, just be there for your friend, maybe help with the more practical things like bringing clothes and maybe something to eat xxx

Thank you for your replies and advise.

That is hard news to hear, and you sound like a wonderful friend.

I would say remember they had a baby, please congratulate them, send them a new baby card. I have know a few people who had their babies early or when they were born they were poorly, and they all were so grateful that their child was treated like every other new born. Maybe buy a little toy or keepsake for the baby.

Sending lots of positive vibes to glasgow.

Look after yourself op, all the hospitals in glasgow are really excellent so u neednt worry about that, hope the baby makes a good recovery xxx

Thank you for your messages. We have just heard that she has a lung infection after breathing in her amniotic fluid which she had poo'd in because she was so distressed. We are really hopeful that she will pull through alright.

I am going to get a card and a present for the baby at lunch time. We have also sent a message saying to let us know if they need any toiletries, clothes etc.

Any other advise would be really appreciated. Thank you

I'm assuming baby is in Yorkhill Hosp in Glasgow. If so, she really will be in the best of hands. Sending lots of love and get well wishes to them. It sounds like she has a lovely friend in you xx

Maybe your friend's baby has been put on a Ecmo machine. Basically it is a lung bypass machine to rest the lungs so they can recover.
Hopefully if so the baby will only need to be on it for a couple of days but it is rather a scary machine.
Sending best wishes to you and your friends.

Thanks ladies.

Vikins we have just found out that they are now taking her to Lestershire.

YouveCat I don't know. All we know right now is they are taking her to a hospital that specialises in helping babies with breathing / lung problems. We are just keeping everything crossed and hoping she starts getting better..

Devastated

If they are going to Leicester then yes it is Ecmo
She will be at the Glenfield Hospital

Thinking of you all

I think that hospital has a place for moms & dads to stay so they can be with baby. My ds was born with congenital pneumonia, and also swallowed the fluid. It makes the lungs hard, so they cant expand when baby takes a breath. The machine does the work of the lungs via ventalator, it looks scary an sounds awful but that way it gives him time to clear the lungs. Baby might be there a few weeks, depending how much they swallowed and how quickly they can manage without the ventalator.
Ecmo is a fantastic invention. If baby is on the machine then they'll be getting the very best care possible x

Almostperfect thank you for your response. Where you in Lestershire? Do you think friends will be allowed to visit?

They were really good with visitors, as long as you don't take hundreds of people in you'll probably be allowed to visit.
You might want to wait until things are more settled though. It's a lot for them to take in on the first day and the machine might be quite upsetting to see.

Bliss have lots of useful information and support available

Free help and advice line open 9am-9pm every day 0500 618140

www.bliss.org.uk/

Thank you all for your notes.

We had some news this morning. The baby is doing really well Andre consultant has said she has a 90% chance of a full recovery. Hopefully they will only be in a cople of weeks. Keeping every cossed she Carly's on fighting and getting better.

We are visiting tomorrow and I was wondering if you have any suggestions with regards toiletries my friend may need (what type of pads etc.)? Sorry if that sounds stupid but I am pregnant with my first and I have no idea really.

Thank you again

Snacks, lots of snacks wet wipes, disposable knickers incase she hasnt had time to pick any up. Maternity pads, or ones for a heavy flow. If shes expressing, nipple cream. If you have spare pjs or loose clothes they might be an idea, if shes staying there and cant get to pick any up. Soap, hair stuff, anything she would normally use at home but might not have thought to pick up. Breast pads? Glad to hear alls going well, babies are stronger than we think x

Hi ladies thank you for all your advice. We have been to visit them in hospital. The baby is beautiful and she is doing well. She is still poorly but consultant says she will make a full recovery.

Our friends are as well as can be expected and all the stuff we took as per your advice was exactly what the needed so thank you.

Having learnt the circumstances leading to this I am beyond angry at the incompetence of their MW. If my friend hadnt called the hospital against the advice of her MW she knew something was wrong the baby wouldn't be her. But that's another thread and we are preying/keeping everything crossed they are back in our local hospital soon.

Thank you again.