11yr gap between children

crazycranberry · 2013-08-29T14:56:53+00:00

Hi, I'm 39 and am 7weeks pregnancy no.2 Is there Anyone else out there that has a large age gap between their children. My son will be 11 when 2nd baby born. All sorts of things running through my mind....... Will my son be close to brother/sister with large gap? How will my son take the news when he has been an only child for that long!? All usual pregnancy worries (I could worry for England!)

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SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 29/08/2013 16:19

15 years between my youngest and my current pg. the dcs are really pleased!
I think that with a big age gap it's not so much like going from an only to one of two, because they are so far apart, IYSWIM?! This little one will be one of 3, but wil also almost be an only, because its siblings are almost grown. The oldest will be 18, almost a different generation.
I'm sure it will be just fine. And at least your DS will be able to understand and talk to you about his feelings, whereas if he was 2 or 3 maybe, it would be a lot harder for him to come to terms, because his understanding would be so limited. DS was 3 when dd came along. He did struggle, and actually regressed a fair bit in terms of sleep and toileting. Not a problem you will have with an 11yo! hopefully

gemmaj66 · 29/08/2013 16:25

Hi Crazycranberry,

I will be 42 when DC4 comes along and my other 3 are 21, 19 and 18! So quite a large gap...

It wasn't planned and I couldn't imagine how my three would react but they've been super supportive and are very excited.

Appreciate your concern because I was worried telling my DC's but please don't worry too much. Even if your news takes your son by surprise I'm sure he will quickly get used to the idea. My brother was 12 when I was born and he's always looked out for me and we've always been close.

My friend's son was an only child aged 17 when she got pregnant unexpectedly. He didn't like the idea to start with but after a couple of weeks he became really protective of his mum and was fantastic with the new baby when it arrived.

You can only tell him and see...he might surprise you! Lots of luck.

lilstar · 30/08/2013 21:23

By the time dc2 arrives there will be a 14 year age gap. I was worried about telling dd for the same reasons as you. Left it until nearly 20wks and actually she is quite excites about it. Just been trying my best to involve her. Going for a private bonding scan tomorrow. Its me who has been having more trouble trying to adjust to the idea of going back to that stage.

Also one of my workmates has as big a gap between her and her older brother, she has reassured me that they are very close, so a big age gap doesn't always mean the siblings won't be close.

Original poster

crazycranberry · 30/08/2013 21:55

Lilstar, what is a bonding scan? Is this something you do private or NHS?

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casper11 · 30/08/2013 22:08

Hi I was 37 when I had my second baby. Ds was 13 yrs. I was so worried about them getting along. For the first few weeks he was a bit quiet and not really interested in her. But as she started to do more things. He really started to bond with her. They have so much fun playing together now. Plus he is excellent at babysitting when she is asleep. Hope it all works out well for you all. X

Fairypants · 31/08/2013 07:20

Hi crazy
I'm 7+5 today and my dd's will be 15 and 11 by the time this one turns up.
We've told them already as we wanted them to be included as much as possible to make it a family 'project' rather than something that excluded them. They reacted really well. Dd1 was hugging me and sobbing with joy and has since read all the baby books.
Dd2 has already made a toy and is working on scratch mits and generally asking ALOT of questions. She likes trying to picture where the baby is up to (has its tail gone yet etc) and has watched loads of OBEM. Dd2 really wants to be a big sister so picturing her role in it is important I think.
Good luck telling him, I hope he responds as well as mine have.

Fairypants · 31/08/2013 07:20

Hi crazy
I'm 7+5 today and my dd's will be 15 and 11 by the time this one turns up.
We've told them already as we wanted them to be included as much as possible to make it a family 'project' rather than something that excluded them. They reacted really well. Dd1 was hugging me and sobbing with joy and has since read all the baby books.
Dd2 has already made a toy and is working on scratch mits and generally asking ALOT of questions. She likes trying to picture where the baby is up to (has its tail gone yet etc) and has watched loads of OBEM. Dd2 really wants to be a big sister so picturing her role in it is important I think.
Good luck telling him, I hope he responds as well as mine have.

dramajustfollowsme · 31/08/2013 07:40

There are 11 years between my Dsis and I. I loved when she came along and we have always been incredibly close. I can remember waiting in the hospital as DM was in labour then getting to hold Dsis. She was like a little dolly.
Now we are both grown up, we are best friends.

TobyLerone · 31/08/2013 08:37

My DC will be 14 and coming up for 13 when DC3 is born.

They already have a little half brother (their father's gf had a baby about 18 months ago) and they adore him.

They are very excited about the baby being born, particularly DS (my eldest child). A lot of his friends have very young (like under 2) siblings. It seems to be A Thing now :)

TobyLerone · 31/08/2013 08:38

Also, my youngest sister is 11 years younger than me. We're now very close.

RippingYarns · 31/08/2013 08:44

There are 19yrs and 6 months between DS2 and DD

they are incredibly close now, not so much when she was a baby, but now she's 6 they have such an amazing bond

Makqueen · 31/08/2013 15:47

My ds will be 11 an a had when this baby is born.

I'm only 9 weeks so he doesn't know yet, but he's very sweet and has been on at me to have a baby for years.

I don't know how things will pan out though.

Ginnytonic82 · 31/08/2013 20:39

I'm not a mum yet, but there are 11 years between me and my sister. It worked brilliantly for our family, we never squabbled, no sibling rivalry and we had a great bond. She's now like my best friend. She has been through many life experiences before me, so she's great at offering advice.

lilstar · 31/08/2013 20:50

Hey crazycranberry. Well they call it a bonding scan because they say some people feel closer to the baby because of how realistic and detailed it is. They do check measurements and everything at the same time but because its private and u pay for it means you can take family to it. Was up to 5 extra people the place I went. You get a dvd to take home as well. I just thought it was a nice way of making it more real gor my dd and getting her more involved.

Dirtypaws · 31/08/2013 20:51

My db was born when I was 11. Ds was 14 and other db was 9. I was so excited and actually felt like db was my own ds, I loved him to bits. It also taught me that having a baby was no walk in the park! I put off having my own dcs until 35! Congratulations!

Romily · 31/08/2013 20:59

I am 35 and expecting number 2 as well. There will be a 10 year age gap between my two and I am not concerned about the age gap at all.

Soopermum1 · 31/08/2013 21:20

preg with dc2 and DS will be ten when DD arrives. after a rather cool start he does seem to be getting excited. he's always been good with younger children so am hoping all will go well. that said, we've recently made DS's room more grown up with a TV/computer so he can escape the noise if he chooses and am looking forward to using maternity leave to spend time with him as well and have more time to take him to things like football and swimming.

babylove789 · 31/08/2013 23:54

I have a brother who is 11 years younger than me and as a child I found it a lot easier to get along with him then my elder brother who is 3 years older than me. I found it more easier to have a sibling who I could in a way take care of and look after for my parents than to have a sibling around the same age who I'd constantly fight with.

AnythingNotEverything · 01/09/2013 00:02

I love this thread! I thought I was unusual, but no.

DS will be 13.5 when DC2 arrives. He already has a 5 year old half brother who he sees at his dad's as they have similar contact days, but he's just annoying, apparently.

DS is so excited about the baby. He's wanted us to have one for ages, and he's great with kids - sensible, patient etc. YY to the previous poster's idea of a space for the older one to escape to. This is useful for teenagers anyway, but particular with baby stuff around I think.

My siblings were 12 and 10 when I was born. We're not an especially close family, but not because of the age gap - we're just not good at keeping in touch! We get on great, and growing up it was a bit like having extra parents rather than siblings.

Original poster

crazycranberry · 01/09/2013 10:46

All these comments a re very reassuring! Thanks everyone. My partner and I have decided not to tell my son until 1st scan so we have an image to show him. He has ASD so he likes to visualise things - helps him 'get' things rather than talking. It's all very exciting and I am looking forward to him finally having a bro or sis.

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